Motivate Your Child | Review

This post contains affiliate links.

Have you ever tried a new system thinking it would help motivate your child to take responsibility of certain chores or just to be an active and involved member of your family, only to find that the system works for a few days or (if you're lucky) weeks and then the thrill and excitement wear off. (Yes, my hand is raised!)

After reading Motivate Your Child: A Christian Parent's Guide to Raising Kids Who Do What They Need to Do Without Being Told, I realized that the methods I was using were only using external means of motivation. And quite honestly, external means only motivate us for so long. Motivate Your Child teaches parents through real life example how to give our children the gift of internal motivation.

There are so many books on the market that give general ideas, blanket answers, and a one-size-fits-all answer for raising and teaching children how to do what is asked of them. Motivate Your Child is the first book I have read that gives at least two to three examples per chapter of real life families and situations and  how to approach each situation in a way that will not only correct the behavior in the present but will also impact the child's heart for the future.

Have you ever read a situation and thought to yourself, "That is my family they are talking about! I dealt with that same situation last week!" I cannot tell you how many times I had those same thoughts run through my head as I read this book.

Every once in a while a book comes your way that really impacts and changes the way you approach what you "normally do." "Motivate Your Child" has made me realize that we need to teach our child to be motived by internal means (conviction) because our ultimate goal of correction and loving discipline is to bring them to Christ.

Although I read this for the review, I can tell you honestly that I will be rereading it again in the next month with my husband. As parents, it is so important that we are on the same page when it comes to raising our children for the Lord, and using the same techniques and having the same information can make a huge difference.

Child raising books are everywhere, but this one deals with more than just raising a child. It deals with the heart of child with the ultimate goal of bringing our children to Christ- not just having "good" kids. I don't just want kids that obey and are good. I want kids who have a relationship with Christ, and because of that relationship are motivated to obey and be good.

If you are tired of trying a new technique every few weeks to keep your children motivated, I would recommend that you pick up a copy of  Motivate Your Child today. The first time your child shows motivation because of what is happening in their heart, you will reap the benefits of your investment.

To learn more about this book and its authors, check out their website.

In My Son's World......

In my son's world.....

he may wake up and announce that he is a dinosaur
or a big, daddy hippopotamus
or a cheese-spider (yes, you read that right)
or a bluebird
or a black horse.

......and that's okay because he is 3.

In my son's world.....

a chair is actually a tall mountain to be climbed and conquered
not a seat to be sat in.
How silly would that be!

...and I am learning to be okay with it because he is 3.

In my son's world......

toy dinosaurs eat Barbies
tables are meant for sitting under
and laundry baskets are made for climbing into

....and I am learning to embrace the adventure of each activity because he is 3.

In my son's world....

Moses parted the Red Sea
Samson knocked down buildings
David killed giants

......and I am always looking for ways to introduce him to new Bible heroes because he is 3.

In my son's world.....

jumping
hopping
running
rolling
are all modes of getting from point A to point B

.....and I am learning to step over, around, and not get in the way because he is 3.

In my son's world....

a boy's world.....

strange noises
loud noises
quiet noises
sudden noises
are all effective methods of communication

....... and I am learning to roar with the best of them because he is 3.

In my son's world.....

I can play along
I can climb mountains with him
I can find new places for him to explore
I can make sure knows what a real hero is
I can let him be mobile
I can teach him which noises are appropriate and when to use them

...or I can squash everything that makes him an intriguing little boy with a heart full of life. 

Most importantly, in my son's world.....

He is my little knight.....

.......and I am his Mommy.

I am linking up at: Happy and Blessed Home, Rooted in Thyme, Bacon Time, The Freshman Cook, Pin Junkie, Life of Faith, Your Homebased Mom, A Mama's Story,       

Simplicity | Alone Playtime

Before we had our children, Brian and I read On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep (On Becoming... Book 1) by Garry Ezzo (highly recommend to all parents of newborns). The series continues on up through the teen years and is a wonderful resource in dealing with the day to day process of parenting from a Biblical perspective. As part of a baby's day, they recommend alone play time. It begins in the playpen, and as the child grows and develops it moves into their room or a designated play area in your home. However, let me just clarify, alone playtime is not to be used for extended periods of time, and as a parent you are always watching and listening.

Alone playtime is designed to teach your child that they can play without Mommy's constant stimulation, and it gives Mom a chance to do some things that are necessary for her home to function or just a time for her to sit quietly for a bit. 

When Addie was about a year, I would sit her in her room on the floor with some toys around her and then stand by her door. The first several times it was for five minutes. Then gradually it increased to 10 minutes and so on. Basically, as she grew, so did her alone playtime.

Now that we have two children, alone playtime is essential. When siblings are around each other constantly, having some time to play alone is important. I have found that when alone playtime is over, they are bother excited to get back together.

Alone playtime is sometimes needed because of a child's personality. Our daughter Addie is a very social person. She would rather be with others constantly. Her personality needs alone playtime to teach her that it is possible for her to have fun alone without anyone else around. Our son Ian loves being with his sister, but his personality desires some alone time without the stimulation of others.

The hardest thing about alone playtime is the guilt that moms sometimes feel when they allow their child that time without them. I know. I have felt that guilt as well. Yet, what a gift we are giving our child! We are teaching them the art of finding ways to entertain themselves and giving their imaginations room to soar. 

Alone playtime takes some time to teach and learn, but once the idea becomes an established routine in your home, you will treasure that time for the benefits your whole family will enjoy.

Potty Training: Boys

Our experiences in potty training our children have been completely different. I don't know if it has to do with their personalities, temperaments, birth order, or the fact that Mommy is a little smarter the second time around.

Either way, I did learn something from our potty training experience that can translate into most areas of parenting.

We need to wait until our children are ready.

Our daughter had an oral sensory issue as a baby causing her to not eat table food until she was two. Thinking that she would be behind on potty training as well (and since no mother wants to hear the "Oh, she's not potty trained yet???" remark that is never said to make you feel awkward), I decided to start potty training her soon after her 2nd birthday.

Total fail on my part!

She wasn't ready, had no desire, and was happy with a diaper. After a few weeks, I gave up. She tried. She really did.

She just wasn't ready.

Just before she turned three we went out to eat and she declared at the table that she had to go potty. I took her to the bathroom and she had a dry diaper. She went "potty" and announced on her way back to our table for the world to hear that she did it!

Flash forward a few years and now we have Ian. He has been eating table food since he was 6 months old. He began speaking earlier than Addie did. People are constantly telling us how amazed they are with his vocabulary and how clearly he speaks. He knows all of his letters and their sounds. He can count past 10 and knows consecutive sets of numbers in the teens (I have only taught him to count to 10).

What's the difference?

He has Addie. 

Ian has learned from his sister how to do everything she does. He has listened as I have taught her. He has even learned about the potty from her.

About a month ago, Ian began telling me when he had gone in his diaper. He did not like the feel of being wet or dirty. Brian suggested that I begin potty training our little guy.

I was not thrilled.

I thought back to my potty training experience with Addie, how many accidents I had to clean up off the floor and how we needed to stay home. Summer is coming up quickly, and I have so many outings and activities planned for us to enjoy. Potty training was just not going to fit in my schedule.

But I did what my husband said.

One morning after Ian woke up, I noticed that he was dry. I asked him if he wanted to sit on the potty like a big boy and wear big boy underwear (Mickey Mouse and Thomas the Train- you know... big boy underwear).

He said yes.

I told him that if he went in the potty (I will spare you the "mommy terms" I used with him), I would give him gum. He had never had gum before and had asked for it for months.

He lit up.

After a few minutes, he went.

I told him that if he went again, I would give him more gum.

I did not give him excess amounts of liquid. But I did ask him regularly (every 30 minutes) for the first two days if he had to go. I would then sit him down and tell him to try going. This gave him the muscle control practice he needed.

With the exception of two early morning accidents on our second day, he is completely potty trained.... and I am out of gum.

I posed the question on Facebook if potty training a boy was supposed to be that easy. I got a variety of responses from across the spectrum.

I think the key to potty training, whether it is a boy or girl, is to wait until the child is ready (within reason).

Some children are ready much earlier than others. Pressuring them to potty train because they need to keep up with another child does not help them. Comparing them to other children or shaming them is not beneficial to them or you. 

Watch for the signs. 

Do they insist on being changed right after they wet or dirty their diaper?

Do they show an interest in big kid underwear?

Work with your child.

Is your child naturally compliant or does he or she have a strong will?

Does your child respond to affirmation? (Addie and I had to cheer and high five Ian each time he went on the potty for the first couple of days. He eats that up!)

Is there something that your child really likes but doesn't get often? Use that to your advantage and reward him for going in the potty.

Earlier today, I had a great sense of pride as my son came to me and said, "Please, can I go potty?" But even better than that is the freeing feeling when I realized that I do not have to purchase diapers ever again! That is one aisle at the store I will not miss going down.

Don't Give Up

Mom, sometimes you may feel that what you are doing does not make much of a difference.

But don't give up.

You may feel that you are constantly repeating the same thing to your child without seeing any results.

But don't give up.

You may get tired of teaching your child because it doesn't seem that anything you are saying is sticking.

But don't give up.

Why?

Because when you least expect it, when you are in the middle of something completely unrelated to the lesson you have been trying to teach, when you are in a place where cannot even fully appreciate the moment.....

it will happen.

We have been teaching our two and a half year old son that Jesus loves him and wants to live in his heart consistently for literally two and a half years, yet he never said anything to show an understanding of that. Yes, he would mimic us as we would have our very simple lesson, but that was really all it was- mimicking.

The day before Easter, we were driving past a billboard that a local church has on a main road. The billboard had a silhouette of Jesus on the cross and the outline of a heart in the background. 

That is when our moment happened.

From the back seat, a sweet little voice piped up, "Jesus loves me, and I give him my heart."

At a moment when I least expected it, when I couldn't jump up and down in excitement, when it really wasn't even on our minds, the lesson I had been teaching my son finally sank in and came back as a moment of encouragement to not give up.

Your moment will come, too.

Just don't give up.

Because I Said So

I have been blessed with such wonderful friends who feel the same way as I do concerning child-raising and standing strong in our faith.

One such friend is Amanda.

Amanda is the mother of five- which automatically puts her in the super-awesome category in my book!- and she has such a heart of conviction and love for the Lord.

She wrote a post on her blog, Quiver Full of Grace, entitled Why? Because I Said So! which really made me stop and think about how hollow those words are when we say them to our children.

I hope that today, you will hop on over to Amanda's blog and read this powerful post.

Review | Mommy, Am I Still Your Princess?

Although I have never met them, I have grown to love Jana and Jaci, two beautiful little girls who I have met through their mother's touching stories of them. The first time we met Jana, her daddy was deployed in the book I Miss Daddy. My daughter, Addie, asked if she could play with Jana after reading her story.

In the book, Mommy, am I still your princess? Acacia Slaton does a wonderful job once again of helping parents see the emotions their children are feeling but may not be able to express through the stories of her own little girls.

In Mommy, am I still your princess?, Jana's little world has just been invaded by this new little bundle named Jaci that Mommy brought home from the hospital. Suddenly she is not the center of her mommy's life, and Jana is ready to send little Jaci back to Dr. Zach (the doctor who delivered the baby).

I love how Acacia explains to her daughter her love for both girls and the value that each one has. My favorite line in the story is, "You see, your father and I were so crazy about you that we prayed God would bless us with child number two." What a perfect way to explain to the older child why God has blessed a family again!

This book comes with a bonus story, There's a Lizard in the House!, a comical story about the day that Grandma had a lizard run into her house.

One thing I especially liked about this book was the fact that after each story, Acacia Slaton has included discussion questions. For us, it was a great way to use this book during reading and then check for comprehension.

I have really enjoyed reading Acacia Slaton's stories featuring her little girls. I look forward to reading more of them in the future, because I know that Jana and Jaci will provide her with more material for some great life stories.

Addie's Blog

As a mother, my greatest concern is for the salvation and spiritual growth of my children. Sometimes, I feel that in my efforts to do what is best for them, I forget that they have a free will and ultimately have to choose to serve the Lord for themselves (not serve Him because Mommy tells them to do so). Oh that is so hard!

God is so loving and kind to us, though. He sees the burdens of our hearts, the sincerity of our desires for our children, and knows how to settle our spirits in a way that no one else can.

About a month and a half ago, Addie asked if she could write a blog (I don't know where that idea came from- wink, wink!). Our word processing program was working at the time, so I opened it up and let her go to town.She quietly got to work, and I had no idea what she was writing.

Then she piped up, "Mom, how do I spell 'people'?"

I spelled it out and moved on. A few minutes later (it takes little fingers a little longer to find the letters on a keyboard) she asked her daddy for the spelling of 'believe'.

Not too long after, Brian called me into the office where they were. He had a big, proud smile.

Addie was beaming proudly as she asked me to read her "blog." (pictured above)

The urge to burst into tears was forefront in my emotions, but instead I smiled as big as I could, took a picture of her "blog," and told her how proud I was.

God used the desire of a daughter to imitate her mommy to show me what was in her heart. She knew that God loved her and everyone else and that our desire should be to love Him in return. We also have to believe in Him, not because Mommy or Daddy says so. Because "the BIBLE says so."

I think that for an at-the-time 5 year old, she had a pretty good handle on the basics of our faith in Christ.

As for me, I will continue praying for my children- that God makes Himself very real to them, that Mommy and her human efforts do not get in the way of the relationship that God wants to develop with my children, and that my children can see past my faults and flaws to the forgiveness that God gives us if we ask for it.

After all, God loves my children even more than I do.... and I love them a whole lot.

What I Learned From My Daughter's Child-Like Faith

Yesterday the weather was perfect. The air was cool but not cold. The sky was clear. Both kids had taken good naps.  I decided that we would go outside for a while before Daddy came home from work.

First they played with the whiffle ball and t-ball sets.

Then the bubbles came out.

I don't know how long we played with the bubbles, but it was during that time that I learned a beautiful lesson from my daughter.

She aimed her little bubble making contraption up to the sky and said, "Fly away, bubbles! Make Jesus happy!"

There were so many thoughts that went through my head simultaneously. But all I did was smile.

I was overwhelmed that Addie had found a way to worship God during her outside playtime.

Isn't worship a way for us to bring joy to our Savior? As I saw the sincerity of her heart, I know that her act of worship was far more pleasing to God than when I sing along in worship and wonder if my voice sounds okay, when I am too self-conscious to raise my hands when I feel the desire to do so, and when I wipe away a tear because I don't want anyone to see it.

I was overwhelmed by the love she had for Jesus in the middle of her playtime with Brother. 

Isn't that what we want? For our children to think about their Savior throughout their day. When they are playing, eating, at school, resting, doing whatever they find fun..... we want them to think of Him and to include Him in every moment of their lives. Not just the "churchy" or "pious" moments. Every moment.

I was overwhelmed by the beauty of her heart that wanted to share with Jesus the very thing that she was enjoying at that moment.

Children do not have very much. At. All. But they are so willing to share whatever they do have. Bubbles are here for a moment and then gone. Addie wanted her bubbles to fly away to Jesus to make Him happy. She didn't care that she wouldn't see them again. Ever. She wanted Jesus to be happy.

I think He was.

I was overwhelmed with the feeling to keep quiet.

As parents, we often feel the need to step in and correct a "wrong" idea. We know as adults that bubbles will not fly up to heaven, and that it takes more than bubbles to make Jesus happy.

Or does it?

Matthew 18:2-5 says, "And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,

and said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me."

Wow! 

He would rather have my daughter's simple bubbles than my elaborate prayers with huge, long words that make me sound smarter than I am.

He would rather have my daughter's thoughtful consideration of what would make him happy than my desire to follow a list of do's and don'ts to please Him.

He would rather have her humble gift of bubbles than my "good works" done with wrong intentions.

Verses 6 and 7 continue "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!

We do not always have to be "the adult" and point out the "folly" of our children's child-like moments. By doing that we can crush their hearts, wound their spirits, and push them away from the God we are trying to teach them to worship the "right" way. 

Maybe we should take the time to remember what it was like to love God when we were children.... before we cared what others thought.

I think today, I may go outside and blow bubbles with my kids.

And I hope mine will reach Heaven....

......and make Jesus happy.

I've linked up at Women of Worship, The Life of Faith,

Her Love Language

This post does contain affiliate links.

On Tuesday, Addie grabbed a piece of computer paper and ran off with a pencil into Ian's room.

(They do most of their playing in Ian's room so Ian doesn't touch anything he shouldn't- like Barbies, favorite baby dolls, or accidentally tipping over the fish tank.)

After Addie was all done, she came over to me and handed me this piece of paper that she had folded over three times.

I opened it.

As I read it, I did not look for spelling mistakes..... she is 5 going on 6.

I did not care about the spacing between her words..... I was reading it as her mother not her teacher.

Her letter said (I corrected the spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and spacing... but I like her version better):

I love hugging Mommy. She is sweet. I love snuggling up with Mommy. She lets me help with the cooking, and Mommy plays with me. 
Love, Addie

As I read this letter, what struck me was how she was telling me something very important.

Something I needed to know.

She was telling me her love languages.

As her mom, I feed her, wash her clothes, and keep the house that she lives in clean- acts of service.

As her mom, I get her special things that I know she likes and will enjoy- gifts.

As her mom, I make sure that I tell her I love her, that I am proud of her, that she is beautiful, that she is brilliant- words of affirmation.

But what she reads as love is when I hug her, snuggle with her, let her lay on my lap when she is supposed to be in bed sleeping, and let her sit on my lap when I read to her- physical touch.

She also feels loved when I let her cook with me, when I play with her, when we have a girls day, when I read our "girl" books at nap time, and when I take just her with me on errands- quality time.

As moms, our job is not just to love our children, but to love them in the way that they feel love. 

This letter told me that I am on the right track. 

This letter is a reminder to me what matters most to Addie.

This letter is an encouragement to me to keep working at showing Addie just how much I love her.

Because as a mom, our job at showing our children that they are loved is never done.

30 Day Mom Challenge

Psalm 127:3 Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.


If you follow our Facebook page, you have seen that I am working on the 30 Day Mom Challenge. 

Yes, it is a challenge.

A challenge in that it is definitely not easy.

Not easy to realize that Day 2 was going to be a little harder than you imagined, because that was the day no one wanted to cooperate. Life is just easier when we all cooperate.

Day 3 was easy. We hug each other all the time!

Day 4 was a little harder. A friend commented that her son still sleeps in a crib, so unless she grew a giraffe neck, that would be a challenge. When I stopped laughing, I realized Ian sleeps in a crib, too!

Day 6 got started pretty well. We had the batter going for our banana bread (baking a favorite food), and then because of a series of unfortunate events, our mix ended up all over the kitchen floor. Nothing was baked that day.

And then along came Day 8. Calculate how many weekends are left until your child graduates from high school. Just thinking about this one makes me cry.

Why?

Because motherhood is a challenge. Not just for 30 days, but all the time.

Because we have good days and bad days.

Because God has given us these gifts that are to be loved and cherished and then set free.

Because we look at our children in awe of who they are and then in disbelief at what they just did or said.

Because we love our children like no one in the world can.

Because as much as our job is to train them to grow into a young man and woman for God, we don't really want them to grow up.


Because as much as they yell "Mom!" we still love hearing our name called.

Because I would rather live with the "not knowing" how long I have with them than count down every weekend until they graduate.

Because all of those toys we get tired of picking up will all be gone one day, our homes will finally be clean, but empty.

Because one day they will grow up and leave, and these moments that we have with them now will be gone and lost if we don't take advantage of them while they are ours.


Because I love my children.

Like no one else does.

Archives | Following You

Today's post from the archives, posted on October 8, 2009, is just a reminder for those of us that are mothers or serve as caretakers in any way that our children and those in our care are watching and Following You.

The Great Santa Debate

This post does contain affiliate links.

In December 2009, I original posted about our family's choice to not instill a belief of Santa in our children in a post entitled "Oh, Santa."  Four years later, Addie cannot be swayed from the truth of the matter as is seen in today's post.

A few Sundays ago, as I was picking Addie up from Sunday school, I was informed that Addie and another child in the class had gotten into an argument.

Knowing my child and who the other child was, I gave the teacher a believing look which asked, "What was the argument about?"

"I asked the class what was the most important part of Christmas. {The other little girl} said Santa, and Addie told her that Santa wasn't real." She then gave me a look that said she was at a loss because Addie was right about Santa but should not have argued.

Both girls then walked out of the classroom together still saying, "Yes, he is!" and "No, he isn't!" Neither girl was going to give in to the other, yet one was right and one was wrong.

So how do we deal with the "Is Santa Claus real?" issue that almost certainly comes up each and every Christmas?

There are many parents, Christian and non, who want their children to experience the wonder of the season with every little aspect of it completely intact- including the belief that Santa is real and that there is a little elf who watches every little move they make during the month of December.

By that same token, there are parents, maybe not as many, who do not want to distract their children from the truth of the season- that Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus..... and that God has given their Daddy and/or Mommy the ability to work to purchase the gifts they will open on Christmas morning.

As a mother, I want to teach my children How to Win Friends & Influence People, but not at the expense of sacrificing the truth for peace. I also do not want to tell her that she is right and her friend is right because that promotes a mindset of truth being relative and not absolute.

Instead, I took her back to something I had taught her the Christmas before she turned 3, and this was one of the moments when as a mother, I realized that there is a special satisfaction from having built a foundation with my child since the day she was born.

"Do you remember that we learned about St. Nicholas? (Side note: Veggie Tales has an awesome retelling of the story of St. Nicholas- ST. NICHOLAS: A STORY OF JOYFUL GIVING) Saint Nicholas was a real person who loved Jesus and chose to help those who were poor. Saint Nicholas is real. Santa is not. People took St. Nicholas and changed parts of his story around and turned him into Santa Claus. But Saint Nicholas was real. Santa is not."

I then went on to explain that we are never to bring up the subject/debate ourselves. If some else approaches us saying that Santa is real, only then is Addie to explain that Saint Nicholas was a real person, but Santa is not. If someone else's child is going to impose their Santa belief on Addie and one day Ian, then they have every right to speak up for themselves and the truth.

I understand and realize that this may disrupt some child's belief in Santa Claus, his 8 tiny flying reindeer, his toy factory with little elves happily slaving away making little wooden trains that children sadly no longer play with, but in a few years as these children grow up and learn that Santa is not real, and they will have one of two responses.

1) It will shake their faith as my friend Kristi posted in the comment section from the Oh, Santa post:

When John was about 8 years old he looked on the bottom of one of his toys and it said Made in Taiwan...and it clicked in his head "Santa isn't real...my parents lied to me...if Santa isn't real, then maybe God isn't real either!"

Or 2) It will not bother them in the least.

In fact, they may even think back to a time when their little 5 year old friend tried to tell them the truth. That Saint Nicholas is real. Santa is not.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Love Their Children

Two weeks ago we looked at 1 Corinthians 13 from the perspective of loving our husbands. This week we will look at it from the perspective of applying it to our children.

I'm climbing up on my soapbox now, so it might be a good idea to duck for a minute.

Can we all make a pact not to put children down to their parents as in, "I'll bet you can't wait for naptime....", "They know which buttons to push.....", "Mom, you know they are supposed to make you pull your hair out..." and so on.

Children are not born with this innate desire to sabotage their parents' lives. In fact, children did not even chose to be here in the first place.  

Children are born with a sin nature (just like their parents were), and it is our job as parents to teach them to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord. Children are what we as parents allow them to be. The Bible refers to children as a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3 NASB).

If God, who is the ultimate giver of good gifts considers children to be a gift, then shouldn't we as well?

Okay.... I'm done.....

Now, regardless of how the rest of the world views children, let us look at how we can love our children according to 1 Corinthians 13.

Love is.....

patient- when you are answering the tenth round of "whys" that started when they asked why the sky is blue.

kind- when you are dealing with an injured child, whether physically or emotionally, and looks for a way to help heal the wound with as little pain as possible. It hurts, and telling them it doesn't invalidates their feelings to whatever his injured their hearts or knees.

does not envy- someone else of what they have made their children appear to be like on Facebook or Twitter. Children, everyone's children, are children. Everyone has to work with their children on something, whether it be fears, attitudes, behaviors, or problems. Be thankful for the child you have been given!

does not boast- to your child about someone else's child and what they are able to do. That is a great way to destroy your child's self-esteem and cause resentment towards a child that has done nothing to deserve it.

not proud- of what you were like as child and compare your child to that. You were what your parents put into you. If you want your child to be more like that, then do what your parents did for you. (Oh, wait! Did you say you were going to parent differently than your parents did? Then don't complain.)

not rude- it is so easy to be rude to those closest to us- especially our children. Because they are small, some people consider them to be insignificant. They are not. Jesus said that if we wanted to enter into the kingdom of heaven then we needed to become as a child. That is pretty significant! I, sarcastically, love when parents treat their children rudely and then are appalled when their children repeat the behavior in public. Our children can either learn grace and tact from us or rudeness. Which will it be?

self seeking- do we parent the way we do because we love our children or because we want to look good in front of others? Using our children to promote ourselves, our parenting, and our greatness will leave them feeling used and not loved.

not easily angered- it goes back to patience. How long is your fuse, Mom? I am generally a patient person with a fairly long fuse. However, I know that my fuse is shorter on days that I am more tired. Sometimes, I can't do anything about the amount of sleep I get at night, but sometimes just reminding myself that my children are 5 and four-days-from-being 2, and, as awesome as I think they are, they are going to act their age. It does help.


keeps no record of wrong- reminding your child of a mistake they made last week, last month, a year ago, two years ago, or a decade ago does not benefit your child in any way. All you will do is remind them that they will never be good enough in your eyes, and one they blow it, their is no real forgiveness. Many times, that is when they just continue into a downward spiral. They have no hope of ever being forgiven. As parents, we need to visually show them what God's forgiveness looks like. He said that He has taken our sins and put them as far away from Him as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12) and has promised to remember our sins no more (Hebrews 8:12). If God, who is Holy and Righteous and Good has chosen to forgive us in this way, who are we, who needed a Savior, to remind our children of their short comings?

does not delight in evil- When you refuse to correct your child for improper behavior, you are not showing love to that child (Proverbs 13:24). Do not be one of those parents who use the familiar phrase, "Not my child!" Yes, your child is human and made a mistake. Correct him, love him, and move on.

rejoices in the truth- when your child comes to you with the truth of a situation, even if it is not what you wanted to hear, rejoice in the fact that they told they truth and had the confidence in you to speak the truth freely. They need to know that they can approach you with anything and everything. One day their safety could depend on it.

always protects- your child from those who speak harmfully towards them, bullies, and the internet. Moms, there are too many tragedies in the news with children taking their own lives because they could not handle the bullying. The heartbroken parents are always left saying, "If I had only known...." Be involved. Know your kid's passwords and user names. If you chose to allow them to have a social media account, be the first friend on their list and then monitor everything that goes through. You are protecting the child that you love.

always trusts- that your child will take what you have taught them from God's Word and will use it when making decisions when you are not around.

always hopes- that God has great things in store for them and then prays accordingly. Remember, faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

always preservers- even when you look at the world around you and you fear what may lie ahead, never give up teaching your children about the Lord and His love for them. When it seems that you have taught the same lesson about obedience for the 100th straight day, don't give up. It may finally sink in on day 101.

love never fails- and your children will know that you love them without you having to say it...

....but you will say it because "I love you" coming from a mother is the most beautiful sound in the world.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Love Their Children

The original post was posted on August 17, 2009 and can be found here.

"...to love their children..."

Once again, this phrase in the verse from Titus 2:3-5 seems a bit obvious, but after thinking about it I realized just how amazing our God is that He had the apostle Paul add this little phrase.

I don't know what type of home you came from, but I came from one where my mother was the ultimate example of a woman who loved the Lord first, then her husband and children. She would do anything for us, and she was willing to give up anything necessary for our well being.

She went back to work soon after I was born for a couple of weeks, but then chose to stay home with me and then my sister, Faye. She felt that her place was at home, instead of out in the workplace, caring for her children and making the home a place of refuge and relaxation for my father when he came home from work.

I can't tell you how many hugs, kisses, and "I love you" phrases I received growing up because they were as numerous as the stars in the sky (however, now I wish I could get a few more).

My mother took her time to teach us God's Word everyday, up to the day that I got married, and then after that she would ask me if she could share something with me from God's Word (the answer was always yes).

She and Dad had Children's Appreciation Day once a year (we never knew when that would be). On the first Children's Appreciation Day, she told us that we were having special guests for dinner. Faye and I tried guessing who it could be as Mom set out her best plates and glasses. We were told to dress up so that we looked nice when the guests arrived. When Dad came home from work, Mom pulled out handmade crowns and put them on our heads. She told Faye and me that we were the special guests, and I promptly burst into tears from feeling so special.

My mother home schooled my sister and I, and we both went on to college (I graduated with honor, my sister graduated as valedictorian- number 1 in her class). Funny thing is, my mother did not have a college degree when she was teaching us. She earned it through a correspondence course as she was homeschooling us. Her degree was in Christian counseling not education, but anyone who had her as a teacher or counselor could tell you that what she had was a gift, not earned from a piece of paper.

She would come into my room when it was time for bed, and she and I would sit and talk about anything and everything that was on my mind and in my heart. When I got married, I would call her all the time, and she would drop everything to just chat about everything and nothing, just to talk to me. Up until her death, she was still putting the needs of her children above her own, making sure that I had everything that I needed to bring my baby home from the hospital. I really miss being able to pick up the phone and hearing her on the other end.
 

That is how I learned to be a mother to my children.

I have given countless kisses and hugs for absolutely no reason (and they have begun giving them right back for no reason, too), teaching then, and having devotions. We talk all the time. I love that I can actually carry an intelligent conversation with Addie- sometimes she is just too smart! Even Ian is learning to have conversations with us and we understand his "language."

For me, loving my children comes naturally because I have seen what a mother is and does and how she is to love my whole life. I had an amazing example, and my mother had an amazing example in her own mother.

However, not everyone has had an example to follow. We all come from different backgrounds, circumstances, places, cultures, and homes. Some mothers treated their children as if they were an inconvenience or punishment, while others treated them as the gift that God describes them to be. Some mothers treated their children as unimportant or less than human, while others treated them as a reward from God.

Although I am sure that most mothers love their children (how could they not?), they may not know how to show that love. Why? Because it may not have been shown to them. The phrase "Do as I say, not as I do" does not hold true in any situation. It is more of a "Monkey see, monkey do"- not that I believe we are monkeys under any circumstance! As we have seen and experienced, so we do and follow.

As you spend time with your children, teaching and training them, remember that the way you love and treat them is the way they will love and treat your grandchildren. Remember that everything you do with and for your children will set an example for your children to follow.

I know of women who had abusive mothers but decided long before they became mothers themselves that they would treat their children differently than they were treated. Their daughters are now loving mothers to their children because of the example of their mothers, who chose to make a conscious effort to love their children according to God's Word and not according to the poor example that they saw.

Next week, we will look at 1 Corinthians 13 in relation to our children (like we did with our husbands) to see how loving our children really looks when we follow what God says in His Word.

Why Daddies Need to Date Their Daughters

I remember going on dates with my father.

I can't tell you how many there were, or what we did on any of the (I'm pretty sure McDonald's was involved), but I do remember that my dad took out the time for me.

The dates that I do remember the most were the last two weeks of my summer before attending college. My father and I would set our alarm clocks to the time I would need to get up in order to make it to school on time (I commuted all 4 years, one hour each way. Gas was under a dollar at the time!). He wanted me to get used to the traffic that I would be facing on my way there. On our way back we would always stop at McDonald's for their breakfast burritos.

Our dates were not flashy, but they taught me so much and showed me just how much my father loved me.

Now, we have a daughter, and Brian has made taking Addie on dates a priority as well.

So, why are Daddy/Daughter dates so important?

1. It teaches a girl that she is loved by her father, the most important male figure in her life.

Little girls want to be loved, but more importantly they want to be loved by their fathers. Having a father take the time out of his day or weekend speaks "I love you" louder than just saying those words. If a girl feels loved by her father, she is less likely to look for love in the wrong places. When she knows that her Daddy loves her unconditionally and that she is safe with him, she will know that she can take any question, thought, or idea to him and she will be safe from criticism, ridicule, and humiliation.

Recently, when Brian and Addie came home from a date, Addie was more sweet and helpful than usual (she usually is, but this was even more than what is considered normal for her). When I mentioned how sweet and helpful she was being, she flipped her hair and said, "It's 'cause I went on a date with Daddy!" Her confidence gained a boost just because of the extra time Brian had spent with her.

2. It teaches her how to expect boys to treat her in the future.

When she watches how her daddy opens the car door for her, pays for her movie ticket and pop corn, and their lunch or dinner, she knows what to expect from the young man who comes to take her on a date (when she's 30!). If he honks for her, doesn't get her door, expects her to go Dutch on the date, she will know that he does not value her the way her Daddy did.

By the way, mothers with boys, it is called chivalry, and it is not dead! Teach these things to your sons, so they will treasure the young woman that God brings to them in the future. (We have a son, too!)

3. It teaches her how she is to behave when she is on a date.

She looks her best to go out with her Daddy- just like she will for the young man God will bring her way. She learns how to sit and converse at dinner and not to take up the entire conversation. She learns from her father what is and what is not appropriate behavior around boys and young men- he was a young man once, too. She learns that saying a sincere thank you at the end of the date is sufficient and nothing "more" is to  be expected of her.

I can say from personal experience that when I began dating my husband, I was able to go to my father with any question that came to mind concerning our dating relationship because I knew that, at the time, no other man loved me like my father did. He ultimately gave us pre-marital counceling and officiated over part of the wedding ceremony. I knew right away that Brian was different from most guys because of the way he treated me- just like my dad did. He always came to the door to get me, treated my parents with respect, opened the car door for me to get in and get out, and always paid for everything. I also knew how to conduct myself on each date we took.

Moms are important for the day to day teaching that goes on in the home, but there are some things that only a father can teach his daughter.

That is why Daddy/Daughter dates are so important.

Mom's Rules

This week I will sharing my mother's rules for behavior when at some one's house, or as she titled it "Things That You Need to Teach Your Child When Visiting Some one's Home." As with last week, I will putting my mother's ideas in bold type (and sometimes rewording since these were ideas she quickly jotted down) and the adding my input in italics.

This may sound a bit silly, but it is kind of neat for me to find my mother's notes and then add to them. It feels a bit like we are co-writing this post. (Miss you, Mom!)

*You do not open the refrigerator in someone else's home. Doors are closed for a reason. It is just a general rule that is understood in the adult world. When a child opens your refrigerator and looks inside for something they want, they do not know if what you have is all you have of something, if it has been designated for another purpose, or if it meets the special needs of one of your family members. Our refrigerator is the only one Addie is allowed to open.

*Ask for water when you are thirsty in someone else's home. Many times our children are accustomed to having juice or milk when they are thirsty. But when you are at someone else's home, you don't know what they have available. But I think it is safe to say that everyone has water. And water is cheap.... at least for now. So teach your children to ask for water. Of course, the hostess may offer something else to your child, and then your child is free to choose something other than water. There are a few homes that we go to where Addie has been told to ask for whatever she wants, but this came from the homeowners (one being my sister).

*You do not jump on people's furniture. This is a given. Hopefully your children are not allowed to do this in your home, so they naturally would not do this elsewhere.

*You do not go into people's rooms without permission. Many times, the host/hostess will naturally tell your child where they can go to play while you visit, but sometimes that is not the case. Teach your child to sit quietly beside you if that is the case or bring something for your child to play with on the floor. But exploring the home of your host is not an option.

*If you are served food in some one's home, do not say, "I don't like this! I want something else." Eat whatever is served on your plate or say no thank you, but do not ask for something else. Kids are picky. I know. I have one picky eater.... my little one will eat anything he can get to his mouth! But we are teaching Addie that she is not to say, "I don't like that!" She has also learned that whatever is put before her is all she gets. Your hostess put in a lot of time and effort into what she prepared to serve and having a rude reaction to her preparations is very defeating and unkind.

*Don't take toys away from the child you are visiting. Thank him for sharing with you. It is easy for children to get attached to a toy or game or item that another child has, but when it is time to leave, our children need to know that they leave only with what they came with unless they were given a gift. They cannot take the other child's toys with them which puts the host family in an awkward position and is certainly embarrassing for the visiting family as well.

*Make sure that before you leave you help put the toys away. Even if you didn't take them out. Teaching this to our children at home makes it easier for them to do when they are someone else's home.

*Don't run around in the home you were invited to. You are visiting a home, not a park.Again teaching your children not to run in your home makes it second nature not to run in the home of another. Things can easily be broken, not to mention your children can be hurt.

*Do not ask the people whose home you were invited to, "Can I stay?" Let them suggest it. Asking out of the clear blue if they can stay over night can be another awkward moment for your host family. They may have plans for the next day, or they just might be ready to say goodnight and close the door and really do not want to entertain anymore. Whatever the case, your child needs to know that when the visit is over, it is over. Unless the host family asks if the child can stay (remember from yesterday, we want to have children that others enjoy). Then it is up to you the parent, not your child, whether or not the visit continues for them.

I hope you enjoyed reading my mother's rules (and, yes, my sister and I had to follow these rules growing up). I know that I have enjoyed the refresher course. And because I love having goals to work towards with my children, I will be adding a few of these items to my list that I had forgotten about.

Book Club: ChildWise

I have mentioned in the past that Brian and I had read the On Becoming Baby Wise books by Gary Ezzo M.A. and Robert Bucknam, M.D. before Addie was born and followed them to the "T" with her. When Ian was born, we decided to try a more relaxed method of parenting an infant..... and regret it. We wish we had stuck with the Baby Wise approach with Ian, because trying to go back and "fix" with a crawler/scooter/stander is so much harder than teaching a training an infant that is not mobile in any way (concerning teaching him to sleep on his own without being held).

I am finding myself trying to reread the Baby Wise books to refresh myself, but I am now reading On Becoming Child Wise also by Gary Ezzo M.A. and Robert Bucknam, M.D. This book covers Parenting Your Child From Three to Seven Years.

Over the next few months we will be going chapter by chapter through the book and I will give you personal examples of how we are trying to implement these principles into our own child raising. If you want to read along you can find copies of this book on EBay (for $1 + shipping) or Amazon (used going for as low as $0.01 + shipping). Your church library may even have a copy that you can borrow.

And because we are busy ladies, taking care of our husbands, children, homes, church activities, etc., we will only be reading one chapter a week (that's doable, right?).

Lots of good stuff in chapter one!

But we won't discuss it until next Thursday (wink!)