Thursday, March 25, 2010

Book Club Thursday- The Confident Woman Chapter Twelve

Last week our chapter was entitled "The Anatomy of Fear" and this week is "Fear Has Relatives" (as if fear alone was not bad enough!). I found this chapter very eye opening, and it made me realize that the words I use can either develop fear or boldness in my daughter because she will learn them from me.

Fear is the parent and worry and dread are the children. How true that is! So many times we worry about or dread something and it leads directly to fear. Many times the thing we are afraid of is absolutely nothing.

As a 6 to 9 month old, I refused to give Addie any Cheerios, baby puffs, or anything that she could put into her mouth. I worried (and even verbalized) that I didn't want her to choke on anything that would not dissolve instantly. Because we live in an area that GPS systems are still giving incorrect directions to get to, I was afraid that if she did choke, no one would get here in time to help me. Therefore, I allowed fear and worry to paralyze me.

Parents, teachers and other role models can teach children how to fear or they can teach them to be bold. A mother who is fearful herself will transmit that fear to her children. As Addie got older, and I began to realize that she should be eating on her own and she should be eating table food, I noticed that she seemed to have a fear of eating. Where did she pick up this fear of food? From me.

Babies don't worry and they don't dread things, so why do adults? Babies think about the here and now. Adults over think the future. Had I given Addie a Cheerio, she would not have thought about what could happen if she didn't chew this little Cheerio the right way. She would have chewed to her heart's content and then reached for another. I took the thought of a Cheerio in the hands of a toddler all the way to the faulty map in the GPS system of an ambulance that has never once had to come to our home!

Worry is the end of faith and faith is the end of worry. I chose to let worry and dread (of something that never actually happened) control what faith should have had control over. If I had had faith that my child could eat and would survive eating a Cheerio the same way that I and most children had, worry would never have won.

Faith is the end of worry. When we have faith that God will provide and protect, worry cannot rear its ugly head when the bills come due, when an unexpected emergency comes up, when the government makes decisions we may not approve of, when we get a troubling phone call, or when the doctor come in with bad news.

It is useless to worry about anything and doubly useless to worry about something that is over and done with and that nothing can be done about. Praise God, I have gotten over my fear of Addie eating (I think at this point I'm at the other end of the spectrum!). I know I cannot go back in time. I have to start from where we are right now. Addie is now served what we are eating (we are still working on her trying what is put in front of her, it will come in time). Her repertoire of foods is growing every week, and that is exciting for me to see.

Lack of knowledge causes fear and knowledge removes it. I was unsure of what to expect with Addie from the moment she arrived. Yes, my mother prepared me as much as possible before her death, but there is a difference in having head knowledge and hands on knowledge about a situation. I now have that hands on knowledge because of what I have learned thus far in raising Addie. As we begin thinking about adding to our family, I have no worries about feeding the next blessing. I have a better understanding of what to do right from the start. I understand that these little people are capable of much more than we realize. Fear will not be a welcome visitor. In fact, it no longer is.
Don't forget to check out Kristi's Book Club post over at Team Mac.


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