Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Dear Mom

"For the Lord Himself will descend from Heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet of God; and the dead in Christ shall rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words." 1 Thessalonians 4:16-18

Today makes two years since you went Home, but the missing you hasn't lessened. Some may think that it is time to "get over" your passing and "move on", but how? When you lose your mother/best friend/mentor/confidante, "moving on" just isn't as easy as it sounds.

It seems like so long ago since I've talked to you, and yet if you were to ring my doorbell, we could pick right up where we left off as if no time had passed. I would offer you a glass of water with lots of crushed ice or hot tea. I would watch you stir your hot tea bag so that the string would get wrapped up around the spoon handle like it always used to, and I would leave it in my sink just to remember our visit. I would hope that you would have closed your eyes as you walked up to the front door since my garden is in desperate need of TLC (you know I absolutely hate yard work and your garden and yard belonged on the cover of a magazine!). I know that Addie would just climb all over you and love you to pieces the way I do.

Many times as I do the things I do around the house, teach Addie, and cook for Brian, I think of you and how you used to do these things for us. You were the living version of Mrs. Proverbs 31, and I have always tried to be like you (I don't know how you did it all). As I was looking through pictures yesterday, I was reminded of all of the things you did but I had forgotten about them because we were never neglected. You home-schooled us, earned your Bachelors in Christian Counceling while teaching us at home, you ran a women's Bible study, you were in charge of the Project Angel Tree at our church, you counceled along side of Dad and were willing to be used in any capacity that Dad needed while he was in the ministry, you made crafts and sold them at a store in the mall, you grew a garden and gave your literal first fruits to the pastors of our church, you helped me make the props for the big play I had to put on during my first year teaching at SHCA, you put together my wedding while being very involved in the building of your own home and moving into the rental while waiting for your house to be built, and so much more.

I hope that you would be proud of the woman that I have become over the past 2 years. I did a lot of growing up since you left. I had to. Instantaneously, I became the woman of the family and a mother 2 weeks later. I would hope that you would be proud of the way that Addie is growing and learning. She reminds me so much of you- her looks, her seriousness, her inquisitiveness, and her confidence. Oh, and she definitely has your eye lashes and your need to always be doing something- sitting still is just not in her genetic make-up.

Mom, regardless of how much time passes before I see you again, know that no one will ever take your place in my heart. No one can. There is such a unique bond between a mother and her child that can never be replaced or filled. You always used to tell me, "Just wait until you're a mother. Then you'll understand." As always, you were right, and I do understand now. The love you had for us was beyond measure.

We watched the Super Bowl the other night, and Brian mentioned you as we were preparing for our guests to arrive. "Do you remember how much food Mama used to set out for the Super Bowl? And we were the only ones at the house with them to watch it!" We then became a little serious as we thought back to how the Super Bowl of 2008 was the last sporting event that you watched. Then we started laughing as we remembered you having us pray while holding our arms up (like Moses did while the Israelites were fighting a battle) so that the Giants would score and win. And they did!

Mom, I have so many wonderful memories of life with you, but I wish we could have made more. It is just a daily reminder to me to make the most of the time that I have with Brian and Addie. To make every moment count. I love you, Mama. Always.

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