How to Encourage the Man in Your Life: Chapter 3- To Encourage Him, You Have to Understand Him

When understanding occurs relationships change and blend, and both the man and woman can be fulfilled.

Differences are not the problem in a relationship.  Identifying, understanding, and accepting them is not what creates friction and misunderstanding.  So, if you want to encourage a man, you need to understand him. 

Understanding our husbands is vital to our relationships with them and to the growth and health of our marriages.  So many times we think that we understand our husband, but in reality we understand what we want him to be like or how we want him to interact with us.  God has made our husbands with unique personalities, temperments, and ways of responding.  It is important that we as wives work on understanding our husbands and what makes them tick.  It will relieve a lot of frustration on both sides.

The following passages are taken from the NASB.  They show us how important understanding is.

"Incline your heart to understanding." Proverbs 2:2

"Understanding will watch over you." Proverbs 2:11

"Call understanding your intimate friend." Proverbs 7:4

"Wisdom rests in the heart of the one who has understanding." Proverbs 14:33

"A man (or woman in our case) of understanding walks straight." Proverbs 15:21

In order to encourage a man you need to understand his uniqueness so your efforts at encouraging him can be designed to fit him.  Brian and I are complete opposites in many ways.  Our love languages are completely different and do not even overlap. In a spiritual gift analysis that we took, Brian's primary spiritual gift was mercy (97%) and mine was teaching (97%).  I scored a 3% in mercy (so sad).  When Brian and I don't "agree on a matter", he would rather talk it out and I prefer to get off by myself to think things through before responding.  Brian and I have had to learn to "speak each others languages".

Brian and I just finished watching the movie 1492 about Columbus and his expedition into the New World.  At one point, a hurricane hits San Salvador, and because Columbus had never experienced one before he didn't know what it was or what to do.  As all of the natives are running into the jungle for protection, Columbus stops one of them and asks for help.  The native asks, "Why should I help you? You never learned to speak my language!"  Because of this chapter and Kristi's posts on the five love languages, that part of the movie really jumped out at me. 

We need to learn to speak our husband's language.  How can we expect him to speak our language if we never learn to speak his? 

The following assignment was given by H. Norman Wright.

Make a list of the characteristics of the man in your life.  What is he like? Does he behave differently around other people? Look at your list again.  This is a road map providing you with  the directions you need to encourage him.

 

May your road map take you to a better understanding of your husband and how to best encourage him.