How to Encourage the Man in Your Life- Chapter 9: The Power of a Praying Woman

Most of us though have never really availed ourselves of a means of power that can change lives- our own and others.  There is tremendous power in prayer.

As we end our time in this book, I think it is appropriate to tie it all together by remembering that prayer is the most powerful tool we have in encouraging our husbands.  The most important thing we can do for our man is pray for him.  God answers prayer.

If you have missed it, Kristi has been doing her book club on the book The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.  Each week she has gone through and given specific things that we should pray for and over our husbands, and a love dare to put into practice.  I would encourage you to go over to her blog and read her club posts to get some ideas on how to pray for your husband. 

Praying for a man is not a means of gaining control over him.  Prayer is a means of transforming people, the one who is praying and the one who is the object of the prayers.  When we pray for our husbands, we need to remember the purpose of prayer- reaching out to God for help, wisdom and strength.  When we pray for our husbands, we will not only find that God will work in his life, but in ours as well.  Usually the one doing the praying can't figure out who did the most changing- the one they were praying for or themselves.

I love the following guidelines for praying for our husbands. 

If you are are married, what are some ways you could pray for your husband?
A. Colossians 1:9-11

• That he would be filled with the knowledge of God's will.
• That he would have spiritual wisdom and understanding.
• That he would live a life worthy of God.
• That he would please God in every way.
• That he would be strengthened with God's power for patience and endurance.
• That he would have a thankful spirit.

B. That he would develop a friendship with a committed Christian who would challenge him.
C. That God would give him a hunger and thirst for Himself and His Word.

Write down the date when you begin praying for your husband and the dates when God answers them.  I have been praying for some specific things for Brian, and I have seen God answer them.  As these things are answered, I pull out my list and show him the item on my list.  It is exciting and even faith-building for our husbands to see their wives praying for them and to see God working on their behalf.
Praying God's Word over our husbands is also a powerful way to use God's Word in their lives.  I learned how to do this from my mother.  She would take a passage of scripture and insert her name, Dad's name, or our name into it and personalize the verse as she prayed.  What better way to speak to the Lord than by using His Words!  The Word of God will not return void, so why not use it when praying over our husbands.

The fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.  We need to make sure that before we pray for our husbands, that we are standing in right relationship with the Lord.  How can we pray about the specks in our husbands' eyes when we have planks in our own?  We need to be sure that we are not coming to God as the Pharisee did in the temple.  He saw the Publican (tax collector) praying before the Lord, beating his chest, and keeping his gaze lowered.  Out of humility and personal shame, he refused to look up and referred to himself as a sinner.  The Pharisee on the other hand, looked up to heaven and thanked God the he was not like the Publican.  However, it would have been better for him if he had been more like the Publican because God heard his prayer.   May we not view ourselves with pride.  God honors humility.

The next book I will be reading is Mama Made the Difference by T.D. Jakes.  I am looking forward to this book since it was one that my mother had read and really enjoyed.  At the end of each chapter, there is a Homework for the Heart section where there are questions that are asked about what you learned from your own mother (the questions are all related to the topic of the chapter).  It is a great way to write down for your own children the influence your mother had on your life, and a mirror to look into your own life to see how your own children will be able to answer the question for themselves one day.

How to Encourage the Man in Your Life- Chapter 8: How Women Are Encouraging Man- The Men Speak Out

Our call to encourage is not dependent upon the other person's response.

It is one thing for us to talk about what we are doing to encourage our husbands, it is another to find out what they are actually being encouraged by.  Recently, I had the opportunity to find out from Brian what I was doing that encouraged him.  What a boost it was for me to know that I was accomplishing my goal, and it was an encouragement to keep doing what I was doing.  In turn, I noticed that Brian has been going above the normal to be an encourager to me as well. 

So what are some things that men appreciate in addition to what we have already discussed in these chapters?

Loyalty, support, recognition, and adaptability.  Our husbands need to know that we are loyal to them and not to anyone else.  We must be more concerned about meeting his needs and supporting him instead of pleasing those outside of our family unit.  We need to recognize and appreciate when he lends a hand, reaches a personal goal, completes a job/chore, or spends extra time with the kids to give us a rest.   

The way a woman talks about her husband publicly or in private is important to a man.  We have talked about words and the power they have in other posts.  We can either build our man up or tear him down with the words that we use.  But we need to make sure that we do not speak to him one way in public and another way in private.  Yes, there may be times when we need to approach a subject with our husbands, but the Bible says that we are to "speak the truth in love".  Our words can be laced with honey or venom. The choice is ours.

Many ways of encouraging have been suggested- timing, meeting needs, a cheerful attitude, giving feedback, values, ideas, careful about committing her husband's time, listening, gratitude, affection, and over his appearance.  Now, ladies, if we attempted to perfect the art of encouraging our husbands (or the men in our lives) in the ways mentioned above, it would keep us busy for the rest of our lives... are you following me?  We hear constantly of marriages that have fallen into a rut and neither party is willing to make the effort to climb out and change the course of their marriage.  If we are always looking for ways to encourage and love our husbands, we will always be forging new paths and taking our marriages in a new direction.  It is a bit difficult to get into a rut that way.   Remember, someone has to take the initiative, so why not let it be you? 

One more way (and the most important) to encourage our husbands is spiritually.  We need to make sure that we are encouraging our husbands in their spiritual growth and leadership. If we do not notice or acknowledge what he is doing to be the man that God wants him to be and the leader of our homes that God has called him to be, what "reason" will he have to continue to make the effort? Yes, the growth of his spirit deals with his own personal relationship with God, but your encouragement will help him look to the Lord more so that he can be the godly man you are believing him to be. 

Remember, we all have different men in our lives (fathers, fathers-in-law, brothers, sons, uncles, cousins, boyfriends, husbands, etc.).  Except for chapter 6, the principles in this book can be used for any of these relationships to encourage the man that is in your life. Have a great day encouraging him!

How to Encourage the Man in Your Life- Chapter Seven: The Women Speak Out

This chapter was not a "main point and explanation" type chapter.  Instead, for this chapter the author gave a survey to a hundred(s) women (not sure his exact count) asking how they were encouraging their husbands.  Many of the responses were very similar to the points that we have already discussed in the first six chapters. 

So for today's post, I thought we would do the same thing.  In the comments section, tell us something (kosher- last week's post was a bit out of character for this blog, I do not want to stay on that topic) that you are doing or plan to do to encourage the man in your life. And if you don't mind, some of us may use your ideas and tweek them for our husbands.  It is all about encouraging other to good works.

Here are a few things that I have done over the last few weeks:

• Really listening to him talk about and participating in anything sports related. Between his favorite baseball team (Tampa Bay Rays) and the beginning of  football/fantasy football season, he has so much to say.  I have really been putting out an effort to listen, wanting to understand, the ins and outs of this interest of his.  Lord willing, I will be helping him host the Fantasy football draft at our house (Grandma has already been called on to baby-sit so he can have all of my attention).
• Sent him text and FaceBook messages reminding him how much he is loved.
• Cards in the lunch box.

So what are some things that you are doing or have done to encourage the man in your life? Let us know his relationship to you when you post (father, brother, husband, boyfriend).  I can't wait to hear!

How to Encourage the Man in Your Life- Chapter 6: Encouraging Your Husband through S*x and Romance

This post does contain affiliate links.

This chapter was very down to earth about the physical relationship between the husband and wife.

Because there is a lot, and because I do not want to take this chapter too far, I am only going to highlight the most important points that I found in the chapter.

Although I am a married woman, writing about this topic in an open forum such as this is a bit daunting (no personal stories today), and I have spent time in prayer about how to best bring the information to you.  Please do not feel obligated to read on if this is a subject that is uncomfortable to you.

Because I am taking you chapter by chapter through this book, I felt that I needed to address this chapter as I would any other chapter.

Unfortunately, because we live in a crazy, mixed-up world, I need to "disguise" the words that are related to the physical relationship (as I'm sure you noticed in the title) so that the wrong people don't find the blog while punching things into their search engine. 

As always, direct quotes from the book are in bold type.

The average man sees s*x as the main way to be close to his wife. 

Many women associate closeness in an emotional way: a deep conversation, a long walk, dinner at a romantic restaurant.  Men, on the other hand, associate closeness with s*x.

We cannot blame him for feeling this way.

It is how God designed the man to be.

If we as women want to receive more closeness in the way we read it, we need to do our part and give our husband closeness in the way that he reads it.  Both parties will be happy and a growing closeness will develop.

Men want s*x for a number of reasons including physical release, giving or receiving comfort, affection and encouragement, love, proving one's popularity, masculinity, or s*xual ability, or expressing tenderness.

As women we tend to think of things one way, and if things do not fall into our way of thinking, we do not understand it.  When our husbands make decisions that do not follow our logic, we wonder what they were thinking.

Men and women are (thankfully) completely different from each other in their needs, thinking processes, and emotions.  Women view s*x as having one or two reasons/purposes, but as the author mentions, men want it for many reasons.  We cannot stifle our husbands or criticise them for this.

It is how God made him.

Men want their wives to initiate lov* making.

I prefer this term as opposed to the term s*x.  S*x sounds more like a here today gone tomorrow term.  Lov* making is more of a purposeful relationship building term. As a married couple, it is not just an act, but a relationship building activity.  When a wife initiates, it lets her husband know that she still desires him, that she is still as attracted to him as she was when they were first married. 

There is also a relationship between s*x and your language style.

If you have not read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, I would encourage you to do so.  By taking into account your husband's love language, you can tell him even more clearly how much you love and admire him. 

Most men greatly appreciate times of quiet together especially if you're the talkative one, and he's the quiet one.

Okay, ladies, we love to talk!  And those of us who are stay at home moms with little ones at home need to talk to an adult.  We can only talk about potties, obeying, dolls, puzzles, obeying,  alphabets, numbers, and obeying for so long before we feel like we are going to lose the vocabulary we work so hard to learn in the first place.

However, our husbands have spent their whole day talking with and dealing with adults (who sometimes act like young children) and need some down time when they come home.  Wright suggests spending some quiet time with our husbands.  Sitting next to him without speaking as you watch TV together or reading quietly next to him are ways to be with him while giving him the quiet he needs to gather himself so that he can care for your emotional needs as his wife.  Hitting him your whole day as he is walking into the house (which I am guilty of) will not help him care for your emotional needs, but will only bring frustration to both parties.

Say "I love you" in many different ways.

Many times we say "I love you", but those three words have many ways of being said.  My mother had a book in her library 400 Creative Ways to Say I Love You.  Here are five ideas from that book to help you get started in saying "I love you" to your husband.

1. Flirt with him at a party when you know you look beautiful. A wink over everybody else's head says, "You are best of all."
2. Learn as much as you can about his work.
3. Tell him, "You make that suit look great."
4. Bring iced tea or lemonade out in the yard when he is mowing the lawn on a hot day.
5. Smell good when he comes home from work.

This book was written long before Face Book, cell phones, and text messaging.  Make sure you use these modern conveniences for letting your husband know that you love him, too. 

I pray that this chapter was a blessing to you, and that you and your husband are blessed this week.

How to Encourage the Man in Your Life- Chapter 5: What Not to Do- or the Worst Mistakes You Could Make

Once again, this another great chapter from H. Norman Wright.  As I read this sometimes, it is hard to believe that a man is writing this.  Although this book is a handbook for encouraging our husbands, he makes it very clear that there is a fine line between encouraging and appeasing, and that we are not to cross that line. As always, quotes taken directly from the book are printed in bold type.

Sometimes in an attempt to be an encourager, you end up becoming a pleaser.  My mother always taught us not to be a "yes" woman.  By yes woman, I mean just going along saying yes to everything, not giving our opinion, not letting our voice be heard.  Think of the great women of the Bible.  Very few were yes women.  Think of Esther.  Had she been a yes woman, she would never have approached the king about the decree that he had signed, and the Hebrews would have been wiped out.  The fine line here is that we are to voice our opinions in a way that honors God and respects our husbands as the heads of our homes. 

Avoid becoming a controller in your relationship and also avoid letting yourself be controlled.  Because many of us have the opportunity to be home, much of how we do things is controlled by us.  However, when we take that same attitude towards our husbands, it can be repulsive and demeaning to him- especially if we do it publicly. 

He needs a woman of strength, a helper who will respond to his leadership as he sets out to subdue and populate the earth.  This quote really struck me.  We are to be strong women spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally so that we can respond to him as he does what God has set him apart to do.

An alive vibrant woman gives zest and excitement to her husband's life.  Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Emma, Little Women, they are all books and movies that I absolutely love.  They show the beautiful, genteel, cultured woman that our society has worked so hard to destroy.  And yet, the heroine's of these stories have those beautiful qualities and are also alive and vibrant and the hero always falls for them.  Our husbands are our heroes, and we must be their heroine.  We need to have that inner beauty that God records for us in 1 Peter 3:1-4, and be alive and vibrant.  Sarah (Gen.) is a great example of a woman who was alive and vibrant.  The mere fact that she bore a child in her 90's is just a small demonstration that she did not see herself heading to the grave anytime soon.  Even in her older age, she was considered a beautiful woman.  Did you ever notice that people who live a life that is alive and vibrant have a natural beauty that glows from them?

One of the main causes for the death of love on the part of one person for another is when their partner controls and dominates them.  Ladies, we need to be sure that we do not try to control our husbands- their every move, thought, idea, work, watch they watch, where they watch it, how they eat, etc.  No man can live under those types of conditions for very long.

The interdependent woman has a strong sense of person hood and bases this upon being affirmed by God. The interdependent woman allows herself and others the freedom to grow and be in process.  She has role flexibility.  She is relying on God's expectations for herself rather than others.  These quotes reminded me of things that we learned from The Confident Woman (for more information on the thoughts from that book click on the Confident Woman tab towards the top of the page.).  A woman who is confident is a woman who is interdependent.

Encouraging a husband does not mean that you become so absorbed in your husband that your identity and value come from him.  It's not becoming a doormat with no ideas, opinions, or voice, nor does it mean becoming an appeasing woman. Here is the fine line of encouraging our husbands.  Our husbands want a wife that they can be proud of, one who is still a challenge.  Our value and identity need to come from the Lord in order for us to be "healthy" enough to be a blessing to our husbands.

Avoid mothering the man in your life.  Never, but never mother a man.  God gave us children to mother.  He gave us husbands to stand beside and to love.  Mother a man is demeaning to him and enables him to become irresponsible and lazy.  He married you to be his wife, not his mother.

In any kind of encouragement be sure you don't fall into the trap of giving up your ministries, hobbies, or interests because they are not important to your man.  In order for us to grow as women, wives, and mothers, it is important that we maintain ministries, hobbies, and interests that we feel God leading us to and that we enjoy.  None of these should take away from our relationship with our husband, but if done in correct priority, they can enhance our relationship with him.  As our lives change, there may be change in how involved we are in our ministries, hobbies, and interests, but our involvement should never just stop, unless you feel God leading you in that way. 

There is another trap that women fall into that may even sound scriptural, "I must decrease so he can increase."  That's not what the Bible says.Your strengths and giftedness are from God. They are not meant to be thwarted by anyone.   Let us just clarify.  The verse says, "I must decrease so He can increase."  Did you catch that?  One letter changes the meaning of the verse.  The verse is talking about God being given the stage while we step out of the way.  It is not used in relation to the husband and wife.  If we stifle the gifts and abilities that God has given us, we are not pleasing God and we are not helping our husband.  Sometimes, if we are to help our husbands grow, we need to use the gifts that God has given us.  By doing this, it will cause our husbands to step out and use the gifts that they have.

I have had this book since I got married, and yet I never read it!  I am so glad I finally picked it up.  I am certainly learning a lot of things about myself and how to better encourage my husband.  It has been good.

How to Encourage the Man in Your Life- Chapter 4: Men Speak Out

As wives and mothers, it is so easy for us to get wrapped up in our list of things to do, the children, getting dinner on the table, having the laundry folded, the house clean, and groceries bought.  Many times without realizing it, we may push our husbands to the bottom of the list because "He's an adult, he can take care of himself."  However, when we married him, we were ready to lay aside every hindrance in our path just so we could care for this man that we had asked for. 

In this chapter, the men speak out and share how they feel about things they experience from their wives and how they would prefer to be treated.  They are not being unreasonable, demanding, or obnoxious in their requests.  In fact, the men who answered the questions allowed themselves to be vulnerable in order to give us as women a unique insight into their thoughts and feelings.  I am going to give you a just few of the situations mentioned and then the suggestion for correcting the problem.

If, after marriage a wife fails to share in her husband's vision or participate in it, or if she becomes apathetic toward his work, or even resentful of it, then that marriage will fall into deep trouble within a surprisingly short time. -Robert Lewis and William Hendricks from their book Rocking the Roles.

We need to remember that a man's identity many times is built by his work.  It gives his life purpose.  If we despise his work, in a sense, we are despising him.  All honest work is honorable, and we need to give honor to our husband for being willing to go out and be the bread winner (at least in our family that is how it is).  We need to encourage our husband to continue to do his best as even brag about him and what he does. 

One man said, "I long to be appreciated for who I am, especially at home.  I want to experience unconditional love at home- not just performance-based love."

We need to tell our husbands in some way everyday how much we appreciate and love them..  We need to do this when we are alone and especially when we are in front of our children.  They will grow up remembering how much their mother admired, appreciated, and loved their father which will help them respect him even more.  This is how I grew up, and because of that, I believed that my father was Superman.  As Brian walks to his van every morning, I make sure that he hears me tell Addie that Daddy goes to work so Mommy can stay home with Addie.  I make sure that she hears me tell Brian how wonderful I think he is and how much I love him.  I tell others (when Brian is in earshot) how gifted Brian is in his field and that he is the best technician in his company (he really is!).

One man said: "I would love my wife to give me a hug, a kiss (without having to ask for one or be the initiator), and ask me to share what is going on in my head."

For some of us, physical touch is not our primary love language, but it is something our husbands need.  A hug or kiss shows them that we are still attracted to them and that we still admire and desire them.  After all that our husbands experience in the work place, don't they deserve to come home and know that they will have these validation needs met.

As one man put it: "I need continual affirmation that I am a good father/husband.  I never had any training in being either one.  I guess I need the acknowledgement that I am doing the best I can, even if I don't quite measure up to all desires and expectations."

As women, we are not perfect (although we tend to think so and have excuses for why things are not up to our husband's expectations).  We need to allow some room for growth in our husbands.  When we see them making an attempt at bettering themselves, being critical, cutting, or sarcastic is not the response we need to give them.  By doing this, they will stop any future attempts at improvement because the attempts they have made are treated negatively.

Our husbands are human beings who have feelings that can be hurt.  They have hearts that need love.  God's Word says, "May words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord."  If we remember this verse as we speak to and think of our husbands, we will build up their spirits with the words we speak to them and build a love inside of our hearts towards them.  It is definitely worth the time and investment!

How to Encourage the Man in Your Life: Chapter 3- To Encourage Him, You Have to Understand Him

When understanding occurs relationships change and blend, and both the man and woman can be fulfilled.

Differences are not the problem in a relationship.  Identifying, understanding, and accepting them is not what creates friction and misunderstanding.  So, if you want to encourage a man, you need to understand him. 

Understanding our husbands is vital to our relationships with them and to the growth and health of our marriages.  So many times we think that we understand our husband, but in reality we understand what we want him to be like or how we want him to interact with us.  God has made our husbands with unique personalities, temperments, and ways of responding.  It is important that we as wives work on understanding our husbands and what makes them tick.  It will relieve a lot of frustration on both sides.

The following passages are taken from the NASB.  They show us how important understanding is.

"Incline your heart to understanding." Proverbs 2:2

"Understanding will watch over you." Proverbs 2:11

"Call understanding your intimate friend." Proverbs 7:4

"Wisdom rests in the heart of the one who has understanding." Proverbs 14:33

"A man (or woman in our case) of understanding walks straight." Proverbs 15:21

In order to encourage a man you need to understand his uniqueness so your efforts at encouraging him can be designed to fit him.  Brian and I are complete opposites in many ways.  Our love languages are completely different and do not even overlap. In a spiritual gift analysis that we took, Brian's primary spiritual gift was mercy (97%) and mine was teaching (97%).  I scored a 3% in mercy (so sad).  When Brian and I don't "agree on a matter", he would rather talk it out and I prefer to get off by myself to think things through before responding.  Brian and I have had to learn to "speak each others languages".

Brian and I just finished watching the movie 1492 about Columbus and his expedition into the New World.  At one point, a hurricane hits San Salvador, and because Columbus had never experienced one before he didn't know what it was or what to do.  As all of the natives are running into the jungle for protection, Columbus stops one of them and asks for help.  The native asks, "Why should I help you? You never learned to speak my language!"  Because of this chapter and Kristi's posts on the five love languages, that part of the movie really jumped out at me. 

We need to learn to speak our husband's language.  How can we expect him to speak our language if we never learn to speak his? 

The following assignment was given by H. Norman Wright.

Make a list of the characteristics of the man in your life.  What is he like? Does he behave differently around other people? Look at your list again.  This is a road map providing you with  the directions you need to encourage him.

 

May your road map take you to a better understanding of your husband and how to best encourage him.

How to Encourage the Man in Your Life: Chapter 2- The Discouraged Man- He's Not a Pretty Sight

What happens when a man is not encouraged? A discouraged man ends up feeling hopeless, helpless, and handcuffed to his situation in life.

It is so easy to discourage the men that God has blessed us with.  Whether it be a casual criticism thrown, or a public humiliation, a man cannot live in confidence under these types of conditions.  I have seen men who look wilted, shriveled, and small because of the constant discouragement they are fed by the women who is supposed to build them up.  Faultfinding deeply wounds a man. Criticism is usually destructive, but it's interesting to hear critics say they're just trying to remold their partner or child into better persons by offering some constructive criticism.

Now there are times when our man will not be perfect (after all, he is human just like we are), but how we respond to him can either make or break him.  I am sure you are all aware of the Umpire who recently cost the ball player the perfect game because of a bad call.  But did you know that the following night, when that same pitcher walked the lineup list to the umpire, he shook hands with the umpire and didn't say any harsh words to him.  The umpire for two minutes broke down in tears.  He knew he had made a mistake (in fact, the world let him know he made a mistake), but the one who was affected most by his bad call overlooked his fault.  Within a week or two of that incident, that same umpire was voted (53%) the most liked umpire by 100 players in the MLB. (How is this for sports information?  Brian was pretty impressed!) What do you think that did to his self-esteem as a man and as an umpire? 

As I said, our husbands (bless their hearts) will make mistakes, but how we approach those times can either build him up as a husband, father, and man or tear him down.  Remember the Bible says that the wise woman builds her house, the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.

The power of praise cannot be underestimated. Encouragement means that we believe in the other person's potential to learn to do something adequately (perhaps not perfectly or your way.) Ladies, let's be honest. We have our way of doing things, our preferences, our likes, our brands, and our schedules.  But when we begin playing the violins about how hard things are for us and our husbands try to come to our rescue, do we complain to him that he didn't do something the right way (our way) or do we thank him for coming to our rescue?  Our response can either encourage or discourage him, and can determine whether he helps us ever again.  Brian and I shop differently.  But when he offers to run to the store for me and spends more than I might have or buys things I may not have gotten, I just smile and thank him.  He is lending me a hand, doing me a favor.  Often, when he offers to run to the store, he also takes Addie with him to give me some time to just chill by myself.  I would never want to discourage him from that. 

Sometimes a woman can discourage a man by her insensitivity.  He's excited about something, and you show no interest. He wants you to do something with him, and you're too preoccupied with your tasks. He asks you how his new shirt and tie look and the look on your face speaks volumes. If your husband suggests that you have devotions together you respond with, "Finally, after ten years you come around. Well, who suggested that to you?"  Sports is Brian's thing.  It is not always my thing.  However, I have been making a point of paying attention to things that he tells me that are sports related, whether they have to do with actual sports or his fantasy team.  If I want Brian to show interest in the things that interest me, how can I not show interest in the things that interest him?   

How to Encourage the Man in Your Life- Chapter 1: Called to Encourage Your Man

Encouraging our men is such an important mission for us. If we do not do it, the enemy will always have someone ready and willing. This is not a "how to" book of tricks to get your husband to do something for you in return. This book shows women how to best encourage their man written from a man's perspective. Any words directly taken from the book How to Encourage the Man in Your Lifewill be printed in bold type.

Who do you believe in? Who is the man in your life who would turn to you and say, "Thank you for believing in me"?

As women, we can either encourage or discourage the man in our life. Think about the words and actions you use towards your man. Are they encouraging, laced in criticism, or just outright cruel? To be an encourager you need to have an attitude of optimism. The American Heritage Dictionary has one of the better definitions of the word. It's a tendency or disposition to expect the best possible outcome, or to dwell on the most hopeful aspect of a situation." 

In our world, the negative is always pointed out. We need to be sure to point out the positive in our husbands. Even when we need to point out something that needs to change, we need to use the "sandwich" method, as my father puts it. We need to sandwich the negative between two positives.

Encouragement is freely given. It can involve noticing what others take for granted and affirming something others notice but never think of mentioning. Do you see the positives of what your husband is doing, but never say anything about it or overlook it? It is easy to overlook things because of our busyness during our day. But the same way we encourage and praise our children for accomplishing simple things, we need to encourage and praise our husbands. Whether they take out the trash, wash the dishes, play with the children, or just go to work in the morning, we need to encourage our husband, notice what they do, and affirm them for being who they are and doing what they do.

Encouragement is recognizing the other person as having worth and dignity. It means paying attention to them when they are sharing with you. We women are so good at multi-tasking. When our husbands are talking to us, how many times are we doing something else? We need to give our husbands the attention they need and deserve.

This is something I have really been working on.

Listening when Brian is talking without doing something else. I have to purposely think about stopping what I am doing to give Brian my full attention. Something else that Wright mentions is that when women are talking to each other, we always throw in comments that show that we are listening. We interact with each other throughout our conversation, and by our responses we know the other woman is listening. When our man is speaking to us, he prefers not to have comments thrown in because they distract his train of thought. He knows we are listening if we look at him. We need to listen with our eyes as well as our ears.

Encouraging a person means you honor and respect him because you believe in him. Do you believe in your man? I know my man is the best telephone technician in the world. Every time I tell him this he tells me about his day, what he did, and how he punched, terminated, cut over, and installed a system (most of which I don't understand!) or an emergency service call he had to make and took care of. When your man knows you believe in him, he will have a reason to strive to be the best he can be.

As you encourage your husband, ask yourself the following questions:

• Am I gentle especially with those sensitive areas?
• Am I treating him the way I would want to be treated?
• Am I building hope in his life?
• Does he feel safe around me with those sensitive areas?

Of all of the verses he gave in this chapter, the one that stood out to me was Hebrews 3:13 which tells us to encourage each other every day. We promised to love and to cherish our husbands till death do us part. One way to cherish them is to encourage them. We would never skip a day of loving or cherishing him, so let us not skip a day in encouraging him.