Thursday, February 9, 2012

Has It Been Four Years?

The other day the thought just occurred to me, "It's been 4 years since I've talked to Mom."

I cannot believe that today makes 4 years since I last saw you, talked to you, laughed with you, hugged you, or kissed you. I really miss all of those.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot of you as a mother of a three/ four year old..... especially as we have hit the "why?" stage. I remember you telling me that I used to ask you a question and then I would ask "why?" a thousand times after. You told me that it drove you crazy, but you would answer my "whys?" anyway.  When I am tempted to just answer, "Because!" I think of you and give it one more shot.

And a quick question: Did I go right to sleep at nap time? Right now, I am hearing bumps and all kinds of happy sounds coming from Addie's room. She will eventually fall asleep, but I didn't remember what nap time was like for me. I was just curious.

We made a bumble bee out of a toilet paper tube recently, and I thought of you. How many crafts did we make together using what we had around the house?

As part of our daily devotions, Addie and I have been reading The Good Shepherd. You remember that one, right? You and I read that one together. You would be proud! Addie has it almost completely memorized. In fact, I think you would be pretty impressed with your granddaughter.

Addie is so much like you. She knows exactly what she wants, is fearless, and is not intimidated by anyone. Dad has even chuckled at times as he says, "She is just like your Mama." If she has something in her head, no amount of reasoning can sway her in a different direction- just like you.

You have a grandson now, too. (You thought I was huge when I was pregnant with Addie! You should have see how big I was with Ian!) He a is rolly-poly little guy. You would just love him to pieces! You know how you used to give us a million kisses in a row without stopping, I find myself giving Ian those same kinds of kisses on his chunky cheeks- occasionally, I manage to get his neck. Not easy considering the poor child has no neck!

Every once in a while as I interact with my children I get this feeling of "I remember Mom doing this with us" and I get so excited. And then I think back to when you were my age and I was the child. You were such a confident wife and mother, and as your daughter I thought that as the Mom you knew all the answers, you had everything under control, and you never had any doubt in what you did for us. And then I look at myself and Addie and I think, "She must think of me the way I thought of Mom. If she only knew...." I guess that's why you spent so much time in prayer.

Mom, you put so much into us and you gave up so much for us, and I want you to know that I do not take any of it for granted. I am thankful on a daily basis that you chose to stay with us and to invest your time and energy into us.

Because of you, I learned that Christianity is not a once-a-week-on-Sunday thing but is a commitment meant to be lived out on a daily minute-to-minute basis. Because of you, I learned that moms have no excuse not to have a devotion time. Because of you, I learned that there is honor in choosing to be a stay-at-home-mom. Because of you, I wake up in the middle of the night to feed my baby or take care of a sick child without grumbling or complaining. I distinctly remember waking up one night as a sick child myself and seeing you sitting beside me, praying for my recovery since the asthma I had made it almost impossible for me to breathe.

Mom, you probably never imagined what a great legacy you left behind. I love you.

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