Thursday, August 12, 2010

How to Encourage the Man in Your Life- Chapter 6: Encouraging Your Husband through S*x and Romance

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This chapter was very down to earth about the physical relationship between the husband and wife.

Because there is a lot, and because I do not want to take this chapter too far, I am only going to highlight the most important points that I found in the chapter.

Although I am a married woman, writing about this topic in an open forum such as this is a bit daunting (no personal stories today), and I have spent time in prayer about how to best bring the information to you.  Please do not feel obligated to read on if this is a subject that is uncomfortable to you.

Because I am taking you chapter by chapter through this book, I felt that I needed to address this chapter as I would any other chapter.

Unfortunately, because we live in a crazy, mixed-up world, I need to "disguise" the words that are related to the physical relationship (as I'm sure you noticed in the title) so that the wrong people don't find the blog while punching things into their search engine. 

As always, direct quotes from the book are in bold type.

The average man sees s*x as the main way to be close to his wife. 

Many women associate closeness in an emotional way: a deep conversation, a long walk, dinner at a romantic restaurant.  Men, on the other hand, associate closeness with s*x.

We cannot blame him for feeling this way.

It is how God designed the man to be.

If we as women want to receive more closeness in the way we read it, we need to do our part and give our husband closeness in the way that he reads it.  Both parties will be happy and a growing closeness will develop.

Men want s*x for a number of reasons including physical release, giving or receiving comfort, affection and encouragement, love, proving one's popularity, masculinity, or s*xual ability, or expressing tenderness.

As women we tend to think of things one way, and if things do not fall into our way of thinking, we do not understand it.  When our husbands make decisions that do not follow our logic, we wonder what they were thinking.

Men and women are (thankfully) completely different from each other in their needs, thinking processes, and emotions.  Women view s*x as having one or two reasons/purposes, but as the author mentions, men want it for many reasons.  We cannot stifle our husbands or criticise them for this.

It is how God made him.

Men want their wives to initiate lov* making.

I prefer this term as opposed to the term s*x.  S*x sounds more like a here today gone tomorrow term.  Lov* making is more of a purposeful relationship building term. As a married couple, it is not just an act, but a relationship building activity.  When a wife initiates, it lets her husband know that she still desires him, that she is still as attracted to him as she was when they were first married. 

There is also a relationship between s*x and your language style.

If you have not read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, I would encourage you to do so.  By taking into account your husband's love language, you can tell him even more clearly how much you love and admire him. 

Most men greatly appreciate times of quiet together especially if you're the talkative one, and he's the quiet one.

Okay, ladies, we love to talk!  And those of us who are stay at home moms with little ones at home need to talk to an adult.  We can only talk about potties, obeying, dolls, puzzles, obeying,  alphabets, numbers, and obeying for so long before we feel like we are going to lose the vocabulary we work so hard to learn in the first place.

However, our husbands have spent their whole day talking with and dealing with adults (who sometimes act like young children) and need some down time when they come home.  Wright suggests spending some quiet time with our husbands.  Sitting next to him without speaking as you watch TV together or reading quietly next to him are ways to be with him while giving him the quiet he needs to gather himself so that he can care for your emotional needs as his wife.  Hitting him your whole day as he is walking into the house (which I am guilty of) will not help him care for your emotional needs, but will only bring frustration to both parties.

Say "I love you" in many different ways.

Many times we say "I love you", but those three words have many ways of being said.  My mother had a book in her library 400 Creative Ways to Say I Love You.  Here are five ideas from that book to help you get started in saying "I love you" to your husband.
  1. Flirt with him at a party when you know you look beautiful. A wink over everybody else's head says, "You are best of all."
  2. Learn as much as you can about his work.
  3. Tell him, "You make that suit look great."
  4. Bring iced tea or lemonade out in the yard when he is mowing the lawn on a hot day.
  5. Smell good when he comes home from work.
This book was written long before Face Book, cell phones, and text messaging.  Make sure you use these modern conveniences for letting your husband know that you love him, too. 

I pray that this chapter was a blessing to you, and that you and your husband are blessed this week.

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