Book Club Thursday | Mama Made the Difference

We have been reading Mama Made the Difference by T.D. Jakes.  All direct quotes from the book are in bold type.

It is rather appropriate that today we are looking at the final chapter of our book with Mother's Day coming in a few days.  I, for one, have loved reading through this book, and I have learned so many things, not only about myself as a mother but about the lessons that mother worked so hard to instill in me.  And as a goal oriented person, it has given me goals to strive for in the raising of our children and opened my eyes to things I was unaware that I was teaching.

Mamas Teach Us To Live Out Our Legacy

If there was one quote in this entire chapter that really hit home for me it would have to be the following: Build from her legacy and launch yourself into your life with exuberant passion to accomplish the mighty things that she saw in you, back when she held you in her arms.  Make her proud by fulfilling the dreams that she started but did not bring to completion.  And along the way, plant the seeds of dreams in your own children, knowing that someday, when you are beyond this earth, they will be carrying your legacy with them, completing what you started.

My mother had dreams.  She shared those dreams with us.  I have grabbed the baton that my mother held out as she finished her part in the race of life, and now I am running with her dreams in my hands.  As Addie grows, I will share with her my dreams and, if the Lord has not yet returned, I pray that she will choose to grab my baton. 

One of my mother's dreams was to minister to women and encourage them to love their husbands and children. She was able to do this during her time as a women's Bible study teacher and in her one on one discipling of women. If she had only heard of blogging!  Instead, I believe that God put the seed in my heart to pick up where she left off.  Much of what I have shared with you started with the lessons that my mother taught me, but have grown as I have experienced life as a wife and mother.

My mother had other dreams that she shared with us.  Dreams that I am in the process of working on to bring them to fulfillment. 

With Mother's Day coming up, if you still have the privilege of having your mother here, take the time to tell her about the ways that she has influenced your life.  If your mother has passed away (like mine), thank God for the wonderful example of womanhood that He blessed you with.  And then go out and begin blazing a trail for your own children to follow.  Begin creating dreams to fulfill and share those dreams with your children.  Teach your children by example to reach for the stars.  Live out your legacy.

Book Club Thursday | Mama Made the Difference

Mamas Teach Us That It Is Never Too Late

We are reading through the book Mama Made the Difference by T.D. Jakes. All direct quotes taken from the book are in bold type.

Do you have dreams that are unfulfilled?  Do have goals that you still want to reach?  Then, now is the time to reach for those dreams, to follow through with your goals.  It doesn't matter how old you are, it doesn't matter how old (or young) your children are.  You will be teaching them that it is never too late to reach for your dreams, to accomplish those achievements that you have always wanted to achieve, to scratch that goal off your list.

This chapter was mainly dedicated to T.D. Jakes grandmother who worked her whole life to earn enough money to go to college.  When she was in her late forties she finally had earned enough and contacted a collge. She graduated at 50 and became a teacher until she reached retirement age.

Although my mother homeschooled us and taught us how to read before we were even close to being school aged, she did not have a teaching degree, let alone a degree of any kind.  However, because she began homeschooling when people were very naive about the idea (although most families in early America homeschooled their children), one of the most frequently asked questions she received was, "Do you have your degree?"  Let's face it, a degree does not qualify someone to teach- a God given ability does.

However, in order to not have to face that question for the rest of her life, she began studying through Moody Bible Institute's correspondence school and earned her degree in Biblical counseling (another of her many gifts). Although she was a stay at home wife and mother, a pastor's wife, a woman's Bible study teacher, in charge of the Project Angel Tree ministry at our church, homeschooling her daughters, and helping my father when he had to give counseling sessions, she would find time in the evenings to read her course books and to take her tests.  Finally, she graduated, and we watched with pride as she walked the aisle in her cap and gown. 

I have many goals and dreams, and thinking of my mother and her refusal to give up, her willingness to stay up late, her willingness to work harder than most to achieve her dreams and goals is a constant inspiration to me that it is never too late.

.....and it isn't too late for you either.

Book Club Thursday | Mama Made the Difference

Mamas Teach Us to Die with the Doors Closed

We are reading through the book Mama Made the Difference by T.D. Jakes. All direct quotes taken from the book are in bold type.

Right before my mother was wheeled into her bypass surgery, she and my dad spent some time alone talking with each other.  I didn't think of it then, but Mom was doing what T.D. Jakes talks about in this chapter. She was getting all of those final things said and done, telling my father what a great man she thought he was, etc.

I didn't realize it before, but she was trying to close the doors with me as well before she even went into the hospital- trying to give me her personal recipes for sofrito (a Spanish food seasoning), recipes to pasteles (another Spanish food that mostly the older generation knows how to make), giving me tips and advice on newborns and nursing, etc.  However, I didn't want those doors to be closed.  I naively felt that if they were still open, she would have to be here to answer those questions.  Why would I need to learn her recipes because if I wanted something, I would just ask her to make it for me.  Nine months after Mom passed away, I had a dear friend of hers over so that she could teach me how to make homemade sofrito.  We shared tears as I told her my regret in not listening when Mom tried to tell me how to make it.

As the numbness of death wears off, we often start thinking such thoughts as these: I wish I had asked him... I wish I had told her... I wish I knew what he thought about... I wish I had found out... Our grief becomes tainted with wishes and regrets.  While our loved ones are alive, we need to share with them what they mean to us.  We need to ask them the burning questions that we have.  That way, when our loved ones are no longer with us, we will not have any questions unanswered, any words left unsaid.

And so the lesson I would pass along to you about dying with the doors closed is: Parents, communicate with your children. Children (of any age), communicate with your parents.  Whoever you are and whatever you role in the lives of other people, communicate with those you love. If you love someone, tell them.  If you judged someone too severely or if you have been too religious and not close with someone, apologize....Mama taught me a good lesson: open your mouth and speak healing and love.

Book Club "Friday" | Mama Made the Difference

Mamas Teach Us to Be Wise

We are reading through the book Mama Made the Difference by T.D. Jakes. All direct quotes taken from the book are in bold type.

Okay, so there are many books I should have read before becoming a mother... or at least chapters of books.... and this was one of them! Every new mother-to-be needs to read this chapter before delivery so that when her baby is handed to her and starts crying immediately upon transfer and everyone around her starts asking, "What's wrong with him/her? Why is he/she crying?", they won't feel like a horrible mother for not having the answer right then and there.  T.D. Jakes tells us that it is perfectly normal! (Insert huge sigh of relief here)
 
Newborn babies do not come with instructions. A woman does not know everything about being a mother the minute she gives birth. (My favorite line of the whole chapter!) She does have God-given instincts, and she does have intuition, but she does not have all the answers.
 
Many times, parenting is done by trial and error.  Mothers (and fathers) learn how to parent each child individually over time spent with each child.  We have learned over the course of three years which methods work best with Addie and which give us no results.  Even in her school time, I have learned that she learns faster when she tickled for every right answer! Go figure!
 
As parents, we need to become students of our children.  We need to take the time to study each child's personality, character qualities, and ways of learning if we are going to parent each child in the way that God has called us to. We need to ask Him for wisdom (James 1:5-6) in how to reach each child individually, and He will abundantly give us the wisdom we need for each child in each situation.

And that brings me to the error of comparing our children to each other.  Because each child has been created differently (and let's face it, both parents go into parenting the second one with more confidence and experience than they did the first), it is completely unfair to the children to compare them to each other.  It is something that we will not be doing with our two and something we will not allow others to do with our children either.
 
Before I became a parent, I had this naive notion that parenting was so easy. What I didn't realize until I became a parent myself was that each child has an individual heart, and each heart must be molded and dealt with in the way that the child can best hear God's voice coming through.  Jesus never had a blanket approach to His ministry.  He dealt with each person on an individual level.  For some, he touched them when he healed them, while for others He only spoke and they were healed.  Same result, different method.  When correcting, he was gentle with some (woman at the well and the woman caught in adul*ry) while others He did not hold back and answered with quickness and sharpness. And the ability to to respond this way is because of wisdom.

I believe that a woman's second greatest source of wisdom, after the Bible, is her God-given intuition.  I was always amazed at the intuition my mother hand.  Sometimes it bothered me, because it was always right. However, now that I am the mother, I have noticed that my woman's intuition is blooming and growing into a little twinge I can trust. 

Addie tends to break out in an eczema rash when she is around a particular dog.  Over the last couple of months, I noticed that the rash always seemed to get worse when her skin has been dry.  I know that God spoke to the woman's intuition of mine to begin lathering her in lotion.  We have done that, and she has not broken out in the rash since.  Then the other morning as I was waiting for the weather report on a local channel (I needed to know if it was "safe" to wash and hang my laundry or if we could expect rain), a pediatrician was giving advice on different types of skin rashes.  The first one he brought up was eczema and said that although it is common and without a cure, keeping your child's skin moisturized with lotion would help prevent breakouts.  I was beside myself that God had been working on my intuition (and I had listened to it), and I felt a bit like my mom that morning.

As women, wives, and/or mothers, may God continue to give us the wisdom that we need to do our jobs to the best of our ability, and may He keep our intuition sharpened so that we know what is best for our families.

Book Club Thursday | Mama Made the Difference

Mamas Teach Us to Survive In Order to Thrive

We are reading through the book Mama Made the Difference by T.D. Jakes. All direct quotes taken from the book are in bold type.

You know, life is full of secrets; there are things we survive but do not discuss.  There are victories that will never be celebrated, the narrow escapes from h*ll's kitchen that leave us deeply grateful but publicly silent. Every person has the story of a woman in their family who has/had survived through a tough struggle of some kind.  Some stories are shared with others, and some are kept as family secrets. Who knows, maybe you are the woman being mentioned here.  Whatever the case, your story of survival will in some way- whether in raw detail or watered down- be told to your children and your grandchildren and will in some way bring hope to future generations who find themselves in a struggle to survive a period in their life.

Because I had not suffered as she did, I viewed her blessing as a hardship.  How many times do we look at another person's situation and think in our own minds, "If I were her...."  We always know what we would do in someone else's situation, however, we do not always know the story of what brought someone to the point at which they are.  Who knows, where they are might be the best place they have ever been in their life, but because we do not know of or about the struggles they have had to survive, we begin with our judgemental and opinionated thoughts.

The quote from the book is in reference to T.D. Jakes great-grandmother. She had been born a slave and had suffered many things.  When he was in elementary school, he was visiting her in her home which had no air or heat, and he was watching her cook chicken over a wood-burning stove.  He could not imagine hauling wood to the stove in order to begin the process of cooking a meal.  But to his great-grandmother, this was her wood, her stove, and her little home. Because he had never had to suffer the hardships of slavery, he viewed her blessing as a hardship.

Whoever you are and whatever your heritage is, let me encourage you to study it and treasure it.  Know the strengths and weaknesses of your people.  Be acquainted with their triumphs and struggles, for those things belong to you.  If at all possible, walk the land your ancestors worked and see the sights they saw.  Growing up, I never truly appreciated the Hispanic culture.  My grandfather had told me not to learn Spanish because he did not want me being looked down on for speaking a language other than English.  However, as I got older and became more exposed to families that were not Hispanic, I became more appreciative of the closeness, the warmth, the generosity, and hospitality of the culture I had always just taken for granted.  I do not know a great deal about my family beyond my grandmother on each side, but reading this chapter has made me a bit more curious about them: who they were, what their lives were like, etc. And it is definitely something I want our children exposed to. 

I believe that one of the mistakes we make when we become familiar with the past struggles and victories of our families is to stop when the stories end and to file them away in our minds as interesting tidbits of our personal history.  What we must do instead is to take one step further and claim their trials and triumphs as our own, weaving them into the tapestries of our experiences, drawing strength and courage from the spiritual, emotional, and mental DNA of those who have gone before us.  I have noticed in Addie that she carries a lot of my mother's temperament in her little body.  That is something that I want her to know.  As she matures and gets older, I want to be able to share with her, when glimmers of Mom's personality come shining through, specific memories and moments when Grandma Ana had the same look, mannerism, and determination so she can go forward with a knowledge of how her grandmother would have responded in a very similar situation.

The Bible teaches us in Hebrews 12:1 that "since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses," that we can "lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us."  As I pursue my calling as a wife and mother, I often think of the cheering section I have that is cheering me on to be the woman that God wants me to be. Not only is there the earthly community of cheerleaders...

• a husband who encourages my ideas even when they are inconvenient for him and talks fondly to others about the wife he has at home, 
• a three year old daughter who can be heard saying, "Good job, Mommy!" when I'm hanging the laundry or doing some other mundane but necessary household task,
• a mom-in-law who encourages me as I care for her son and granddaughter,
• extended family members who are also homemakers but further along in life as they encourage the new generation of homemakers to love their husbands and children,
• a sister who sends me encouraging text messages randomly,
• friends across the miles who encourage me as we spring clean "together",
• and you who are faithful readers of my ideas, lessons, and ramblings,

but there is also a spiritual community who is cheering us on when we push on without giving up. Can you imagine the homemakers of old that are cheering for us as we do our day to day tasks, and how they must wish sometimes that they had some of our conveniences? 

I am going to end this post with the following quote from the chapter.

Whatever you are going through, be determined to survive it.  Tell your lungs to keep on breathing; tell your heart to keep on beating.  No matter how difficult your days may be, determine to live them.  Life will not always be so grueling, so just keep going.  Survive the dark days because eventually morning will come.  All you have to do is keep on going until it does.

Book Club Thursday | Mama Made the Difference

Mamas Teach Us That Education Is Everywhere

"This will be part of your schooling."  Oh, how I hated that phrase growing up.  As a homeschooled student, Mom tied everything we did into some kind of education for us.  Learning to bake bread from a fellow church member was home economics.  Taking piano lessons was considered music class.  Participating in "gym time" in youth group was counted as P.E.  Everything we did somehow became a part of our education.

What I didn't realize then was that my mother was teaching me that education was everywhere.

Now as an adult, I am always on the lookout for ways to educate myself.  Spiritually, I read God's Word and other books by Christian authors to help my spirit grow.  I am always scouring magazines to show me what is new in design and fashion so that my home and person can always be modestly in style.  I love learning about new and improved was to scrapbook our memories, and I am always on the look out for great recipes. 

Truly, education is all around you.  It never ends. Oh, of course, your formal schooling does have its milestones and points of completion (those are called "graduations"), but learning is constant and continual.  Treat every place you go and every person you meet as a learning experience and treat every child you meet as a teaching opportunity.  For you, and for those who are watching you, education is everywhere.

You can always tell when someone has decided that they have stopped learning.  They seem to be critical of change and do not want to make any effort in changing anything in their own lives.  We need to view everything as an opportunity to learn to keep ourselves from becoming narrow-minded and without vision.

Continue learning.  Never stop.  And teach your children to love learning, not just in the academic classroom but in the classroom of life itself.

Book Club Thursday | Mama Made the Difference

Mamas Teach Us to Endure

If we do not endure, we do not succeed.  As a little girl, I remember being taught endurance through puzzles.  My mother would buy us puzzles to work through and put together. With each puzzle that we successfully put together, the next puzzle we were given was just a little bit harder. These puzzles taught us the lesson of patience and endurance, and that was my mother's purpose in having us put puzzles together- to learn endurance.

The mothers of America- and likewise, mothers all over the world- have indeed persevered through heartache and heartbreak, through fears and tears, through lean times and lack.  They have done it because there is something in their hearts that refuses to give up, no matter how fierce the challenge. If there is one thing a mother is not, it's a quitter.  I know of so many women who had to endure a variety of different situations- difficult marriages, divorce, life as a single mother, working a job or two while raising their child(ren) alone, and sometimes these women were also juggling health issues as well.  However, many of these women endured their circumstances for the sake of their children and came out on the other side with a marriage that was saved, the gift of a beautiful new marriage, and children who are serving the Lord.  There were many difficult times for these women, but they never quit.  They endured, and now have beautiful testimonies to share with others.  I am honored to know some of these women as friends and family members.

...A woman's children are her hope and her future.  Through them she will accomplish things she could not do herself. My mother was always doing things in order to give us a brighter future.  I now fully understand her phrase, "I only want the best for you," as those are my feelings for Addie and Squishy.  I want Addie to grow up to have all that God has to offer her and I want to do everything in my ability to make that possible for her. 

Through them, her life goes on when her heart has stopped beating.  I was recently told after a conversation with one of Mom's cousins, "Your mother lives on."  I was so honored.  If only my mother knew how much her lessons to me really sank in and are now being multiplied in ways she never imagined. Her legacy has continued although her earthly life ended.    

I learned that endurance is not about being happy; endurance is about being faithful and it is about sacrifice.  In our world, we are told to do what makes us happy.  Very few times are we told to endure until the end.  So where are our children going to learn to endure?  From us as mothers.  We are the ones who will teach by example the lesson of enduring and being faithful and sacrificing in order to endure.  Those are lessons that God has reserved for mothers (and fathers) to teach their children.... because heaven only knows they will not learn those lessons outside of the home.

If you do not learn to endure, you will only know how to give up.  We already live in a world where our first inclination is to give up when things get to be too hard.  I, for one, do not want my children to be quitters, but they will only learn to push forward through the example they see in their father and me.  As adults, if you have only been a quitter in the past, it is never to late for you to learn to endure.  Just imagine the profound impact you will have on your children if they see you work through an issue rather than quit in the middle. 

I learned to endure through my mother's example, and I pray that Addie learns that same lesson by watching me.

Book Club Thursday | Mama Made the Difference

Mamas Teach Us That Love Has the Last Laugh

I found it ironic that this weeks chapter dealt with the same characters our Tuesday Life Lessons posts have dealt with.  It was so beautifully put by Rev. T.D. Jakes in this chapter that I will be quoting quite a bit from him today.  As always, quotes will be printed in bold type.

As I write to you today, I have the distinct feeling of being used of God to encourage a mother in waitng to hold on to her dream.  I am not only addressing a mother who is waiting for a child, though that would be nice- but maybe a mother who is waiting on a child to get saved or a mother who is waiting on a thirty-something son to mature. Mothers often have to wait through tough things.  Do not give up, though. Help is on the way!

We are all waiting for something.  We all have a dream that we want fulfilled.  But when we look around us at our circumstances, situations, the here and now reality of our day to day lives, it seems impossible in the natural for those dreams to be fulfilled.  That is where God steps in and gives us a promise to hold on to.  Do not let go of that promise.  Almost a year ago, I believe that God gave Brian and me a promise that we have yet to see fulfilled.  We are not letting go even though we have not seen anything happeneing in the direction of that promise.  But every once in a while, God will toss a little reminder our way of the promise, and it fills us with hope that He is working even when it looks like nothing else is.

Unfortunately, Sarai's wait got the better of her. She grew tired of waiting on God.  After all, she had been waiting on a child for more than eighty years- and that is a long time.  We have all been tempted to take matters into our own hands when the delay of God's promises becomes unbearable.  We have all begun to wonder if we even heard him speak to us at all.

Doubt is S*tan's favorite weapon to use on us.  It doesn't take much for him to plant that little seed of doubt about a promise that God gave us, and it takes even less for that seed to sprout and take root.  Do not let doubt enter your mind.  When God makes a promise, He keeps it!

It is dangerous to take matters into your own hands. I know how tempting it is to help God bless you, but, inreality, He does not need your help to bless you and He does not need your help to protect you.

Oh, for those of us that feel the need to take control of everything concerning us, this is extremely difficult!  Especially as wives and mothers.  We are always the one to step in to make something better, so when it comes to our own lives, we try to do the same thing.  However, God does not need our help! (Say that to yourself a few times....) He did not need our help when He created the world in 7 days, and He certainly does not need our help in taking care of the much smaller things that enter our lives. 

God is going to make you laugh too.  Now that is no big deal for some of you.  You have had joy all your life.  But there are some who have gone through so much that you are not laughing anymore.  Life has dealt you some tough blows and now you find yourself empty and depleted.  But when God makes us laugh, it is often because we have been through so much that the idea of getting a blessing like that at a time like this- well, it is hilarious.

Have you ever just laughed because the blessings that God has given you are just unbelievable for the human understanding to comprehend?  That is the kind of laughter that God delights in giving us.  If you haven't laughed that we, get ready for a good, hearty laugh!

My sister, let me remind you that God's timing is perfect.  He has His reasons for taking His own sweet time.  Even when you can hardly wait, when you think you may burst wide open if you have to wait another minute, God is patiently orchestrating every aspect of your desire, arranging every piece of it in perfect order, making sure all the people and places and things involved are at their peak of preparation.

Now is the time to get ready for the greatest season in your life.  Yes, Sarah learned that God often does His greatest work when you have decided that it is too late.  Prepare for what He has promised, for you do not have much time.  The miracle is on its way and the preparations should be in place. Your dream is about to be born!  

Book Club Thursday | Mama Made the Difference

Mamas Teach Us to Set the Standards High

Anyone who knew my mother knew the kind of standards she set for herself and her family.  And believe me they were high.  Because of the standards of behavior and character that she set for us, I believe that now, as a woman and mother myself, I have continued the tradition of setting a high standard.

As a 13 year old, I came up with the personal standard that I was not going to kiss anyone until my wedding day.  It was not a standard that my parents set for me, but because of the teaching that had been poured into me, it was a standard that I set for myself... and one that I, by the grace of God, kept. Brian is the only man that I have ever kissed, and our first was at the altar on our wedding day.

My sister and I never experienced the "terrible twos" or the "rebellious teenage years" because our parents expected us not to.  They set the standard high for us and did not make those "stages" an option for us.

As a student, I continued keeping a high standard.  I commuted to college (I was too much of a homebody to be interested in living on campus) and did not miss a class until my 4th semester when I came down with chicken pox.  Many of the students who did live on campus skipped classes and thought nothing of it. 

Why was I so strict on myself?  Because my mother had taught me to set the standard high. 

As a teacher, I continued raising the standard, not just for myself but for my students as well.  Every year, when it was time to meet the new class and their parents, I was always told by scared parents that they had heard that I had high standards and expectations for my students, and they were afraid their child(ren) could not meet my expectations. 

I always told these parents my favorite quote from Lady Bird Johnson, "Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them."  I believed their children could live up to my expectations... and they almost always did.

As a mother myself, I have set high the standard high for Addie.  We have high expectations for her behavior and her education.  Does she always perform perfectly?  No, she is a child, but the standard is always there, and when she stumbles we bring her back to the standard of behavior that we expect. 

Did we experience the terrible twos? No, I don't believe we did.  Did we have moments when she tried testing the boundaries? Yes. But it was not an entire year and we moved on quickly from each bump.   

Is she learning to live up to the standard that we have set for her?  Yes!  Our first goal for her is to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ and with each devotional we share, every Bible lesson we have, every verse she memorizes, and every time we pray together we see the seeds of that relationship being watered and growing.  The other night she asked to pray for dinner and of course, we let her.  She folded her hands and prayed, "Dear God, Bless the food. Amen!" There was power behind the "bless"... it was adorable, but made us feel good that we are on the right track.

Our next goal for her is to respect and obey her parents.  When she obeys quickly with a happy heart, we see the evidence of that goal being reached in her life.  When she kisses my cheek and asks, "Mommy, was that kind?" I see that she is learning and understanding that she needs to be kind and respectful to us as her parents.

Our next goal is for her to be a joy to everyone else that she comes into contact with.  When people speak to her, she responds (not always on the phone, but definitely in person).  She greets people with a smile and a hug.  She makes everyone who walks through our door feel welcomed and at home.

As for her schooling, for a child who just turned three, she is already counting up to fifteen, says her alphabets and knows their sounds, can read many sight words, and can use a computer and mouse to get around her many games.

Should my standards be the same ones for someone else's child? Absolutely not! 

As mothers, we are each to set the standards high for our own children based on what we know they are capable of.  We should not set low standards out of fear that our children cannot live up to what we envision for them. That will give us children who are under acheivers who think that they do not have to work to reach a goal.  We should also not set the standard so high that it is unattainable.  That will give us very frustrated children who will never feel good enough. 

Setting the standard higher than what is "normally" expected is good.  It teaches our children to work a little harder than those around them to reach an acheivable goal. 

And we must be sure to reward them when they have reached those high standards that we have set. 

Book Club Thursday | Mama Made the Difference

Mamas Teach Us to Banish the Bitterness

There was one theme in this whole chapter that really jumped out at me.  It was rather convicting because sometimes I can become bitter when people hurt me or my family intentionally or unintentionally.  But because children pick up the behaviors they see in their parents, this can be a behavior that Addie picks up... and I don't want that to happen. 

A bitter woman typically raises bitter children.  Her bitterness is passed down to her children through the milk of her parenting, just as any other harmful substance can be transmitted from mother to child. To be sure, children learn what they see, and inevitably they act out what their parents acted out in themselves and around the children.  I do not want to raise bitter children.  But in order for that to happen, I need to make sure that I take all of my feelings to the Lord.  I cannot impose any bitter thoughts or feelings on my children. 

A bitter mother's children have no choice but to be around her, constantly  exposed to and influenced by the acrimony in her soul.  Because that is all they know, that is how they grow up.  As a teacher, I knew what a parent's personality was like by observing their children.  Children are little replicas of their parents and carry themselves in very similar ways.  If a mother is bitter, it can be assumed that her children will have bitter personalities.

Let me say once more that cynicism and bitterness are inherited.  Do not let it take root in your life.  Instead, keep your heart clean and tender before God and in your relationships with other people. The writer of Hebrews instructs us well in this regard: "Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled" (Hebrews 12: 14-15).  We do not want to defile our children by imposing our bitter feelings and thoughts on them.  We need to make sure that our children learn to pursue peace from us. But the only way they are going to learn that is if we pursue peace with all people.  Easy? No! But if we don't, the root of bitterness will spring up and cause trouble and not only defile us, but our children as well.

Book Club Thursday | Mama Made the Difference

Mamas Teach Us to Celebrate Others

Let's face it.   Women have a stigma of being catty, jealous of each other, and comparing themselves to others.

When I was little (1st grade), there was a girl in my class named Alicia (I wasn't homeschooled until I was in 6th grade).  She had Shirley Temple like curls.  As a 1st grader with thick, long, straight-because-it-was-so-heavy hair, I wished I could have curls like Alicia.  Mom would tell me that God gave me the hair that was right for me, but that didn't help my 6 year old mind stop thinking about curls.  A couple of times, Mom even sat in the kitchen, took brown paper bags cut into strips, and would set my hair so that I would have banana curls.  Why would she give in to my vanity you ask?  Because she was wise enough to know that those banana curls would not satisfy me. When I would go to school the next day, banana curls and all, I would be faced with the reality that my curls would be gone by the next day and Alicia's would still be there.  God and Mom used this opportunity to teach me to celebrate the gifts that God has given others.

As women, curls are the least of our comparisons.  We look at and compare marriages, children, homes, furniture, social standings, family dynamics, income, finances, figures, and complexions (to name a few).  One of the comments (and I am paraphrasing) that I love from Joyce Meyer (who Addie has begun calling "Joyce Joyce") is, "You want to be where I am and have what I have, but you don't want to go through what I had to to get here." 

One verse that Mom used to quote to us a lot when we were growing up was, "They comparing themselves among themselves are not wise."  When we compare where we are, what we have, or who we are with others, we cannot celebrate those around us and the gifts that God is blessing them with.

When we are able to truly celebrate others, I believe that God will bless us in ways we never imagined. Our heart attitude towards the blessings that God gives others is a indicator of our readiness to receive blessings from Him.   

Let's celebrate others!

Book Club Thursday | Mama Made the Difference

Mamas Teach Us to Love Ourselves

Loving ourselves can be a daunting lesson to learn, a lifelong of growing into accepting and embracing all of who we are and meant to be.  Joyce Meyer has said many times that no matter where you go there you are.  It is so true!  Some people have problems just being with themselves because they do not love themselves.  And I am not talking about a narcissistic love, but a healthy love for the person that God made them to be.  Learning to love ourselves as we are, as God created us, and the calling He has put on our life is a challenge that all women face.  Yet, it is something that we can learn to do with the help of the Lord.

Sometimes, however, learning to love ourselves seems impossible.  Stop for a moment and ask yourself: When was the last time you felt unloved or worthless for no apparent reason?  Sometimes it can a comment or a memory of a comment from someone that can take us to that place where we felt unloved or worthless.  Sometimes a comment can be made innocently, or it can be aimed with precision at a tender area of our heart, soul, or mind.  We need to remember that no matter who or where the comment comes from, we must remember the sacrifice of love made for us by Christ.  And I know it is easier to dwell on the hurt and the words than on the love that Jesus has for us (oh, believe me, I know), but in the grand scheme of things, His love matters more and carries more weight than the words of mere humans.

Numerous obstacles to our growth throw themselves in front of us like storm-tossed tree trunks blocking a roadway.  Feelings of rejection and hurtful words are usually some of the biggest obstacles we face as we try to grow into what we believe God wants us to become.  The old children's adage "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is the furthest thing from the truth. 

Sometimes, I think that sticks and stones don't hurt nearly as much.  At least sticks and stones are concrete things that you can see and when the bruise shows us, it is there for all to see and there is no denying the source of the wound. 

Words are a different story.  They are invisible to the human eye, yet they are capable of creating some of the deepest wounds known to mankind.  And because the wounds are internal, no one ever sees the cuts, jabs, or the scars that they create on our hearts.  The wounds are not visible to the human eye and are easily covered up by the wounded one.  A bright smile and perky personality can hide the wounds of words on the heart.

As important as it is for us to learn to rise above our roadblocks, we must also remember that others are trying to rise above their roadblocks too.  We need to be sure that we do not become a roadblock to someone else, and we must watch the words we use with others.  We do not ever want to inflict the same hurt on others that may have been inflicted on us.

I also urge you to combat rejection in your children.  Make sure you tell them often how much you love them and how much God  loves them.  Let them know that you may not approve of everything they do (and that you will have to enforce discipline at those times), but that you absolutely adore who they are.  Our children have such young hearts which are so moldable right now.  We can either  mold those hearts to believe that they are loved, valued, and have a great purpose to fill for the Lord or we can cut them down and make them feel that they are an interruption to our lives. 

I look at Addie and I cannot imagine putting words into her life that would hold her back in anyway.  I want her to know how much she is loved and valued. It even bothers me when others take on the "normal, negative outlook" on children and speak about them/her in a way that does fit into what we are trying to put into her life. 

Although, we do have to discipline Addie at times (after all, she is almost three and has not quite reached the age of perfection yet.... who has?), she knows that she is loved and even tells us that she loves us during her discipline learning time.  I am totally and completely against telling her that she is a bad girl when she misbehaves.  If you tell a child long enough that they are bad, they believe it and become what you have told them they are.  She is a sinner and so am I.  When she does wrong, I tell her that what she did was wrong, we correct the behavior, and we ask Jesus to forgive her.  Her spirit is being built during this teaching time and she is still maintaining her value and self- worth.

Homework for the Heart: What did your mother teach you about loving yourself?  In which ways did she disappoint you and create obstacles to loving yourself?  What's the greatest obstacle to loving yourself right now as you read this (page)? How can you accept the truth about who you are and how much God loves you and move forward?

Mama Made the Difference | Substitute Teacher

As I read about Secretary of State Colin Powell's mother, it made me think of another substitute teacher I have been blessed with in my own life. My aunt Elsa (I have referred to her as Titi Elsie or Lala many times here on the blog).

I have such wonderful memories of times with Titi Elsie when I was a little girl.  I have always credited her with getting me started in the art of cross-stitching.  For my birthday or Christmas, she gave me a little beginners/children's cross-stitch kit and, from then on, it became a passion (until I became a mother).  I can also remember times when she watched Faye and me when my parents had to be out of town or had an obligation or commitment.  We would bake cookies (she is infamous for making the absolute best cookies in the entire world! Am I right, Victoria?) or do some other type of activity.  She was always one for making sure there was an activity for us to share in.  I remember one time in particular, she wasn't able to make it to my birthday party so she took me to McDonald's for lunch (I never forgot that).

When my family moved from New Jersey to Florida back in 1998, Titi Elsie and Uncle Johnny opened up their home to us and allowed us to stay (free of charge) until we could buy a home. We lived with them for 8 months, and we were never made to feel that we were an intrusion.  

Not only did my aunt take us in, but she we also the primary caregiver for my grandmother when she could no longer live alone. Grandma Adelaida lived with Titi Elsie until Grandma passed away in 2006.  

Family gatherings are always held at Titi Elsie's house.  There is just something about her home that makes you want to go there as early as possible and not want to leave until the last possible moment.  Hospitality is definitely her primary gift.

Service is also another gift that she has.  In 2006 after Grandma's funeral, my father (Titi Elsie's "little" brother) had to have eye surgery (torn retina and.... well, I won't go into any more of the gory details).  My aunt went to visit with my parents (always bearing a plate of chocolate chip cookies) and to just be there if she could do anything.

When Mom went into the hospital in 2008, Titi Elsie came just about everyday and stayed with us most of the day while Mom was in surgery (triple bypass for those of you who are new).  The night that Mom passed away, she drove the 30 minutes in the dark to get to the hospital to be with us.  She took Faye home with her that night.

Every day for the next 5 days she was at my parent's home, cooking, taking over kitchen duty, and just being there for us to cry on. 

When I went into Labor with Addie (2 weeks later), Titi Elsie came to the hospital about 8:30 in the morning to sit and be with us.  And she held a newborn Addie with the pride that a true grandmother would have.  She has even requested that Addie call her Lala the way her own grandchildren do.  

Titi Elsie comes for some girl time with me about every other week.  I really look forward to those times where I can share, laugh, pray, and even cry with her.  We always have coffee and a dessert. Once Addie wakes up from her nap, she gets Lala time.  

She is also a wonderful babysitter for Addie when we need her watched for a longer period of time.  We have enjoyed going out of our county on dates (hockey and baseball games) knowing that Addie is in good hands.  No matter how late we end up coming home, Titi always tells us that she is glad that we were able to go out together.

Despite having lost her own son suddenly last Christmas, Titi Elsie has continued to reach out to others who are hurting. 

I have learned through her, that family is important to keep close.  Gatherings are vital to the health of the greater family unit, and that by having relationships that span the generations eliminates the notion of the "generation gap".  She has taught me by example that a plate of chocolate chip cookies (and the person carrying them) can help to mend a sad and lonely heart.  And she has shown that selfless acts of love are not to be reserved only for immediate family members, but are to be shared simply because you love a person.

Thank you for the lessons that you have taught me, Titi Elsie.  You may not have even realized you were teaching me so many things.  I love you!

Book Club Thursday: Mama Made the Difference- Lesson 9

Mamas Teach Us the Value of Support

We are back to our Book Club Thursday schedule.  For those of you who are newer to the blog, we are currently reading through Rev. T.D. Jakes book Mama Made the Difference.  Any quotes that are taken from the book are in bold (and italicized) print.

Advice and support are so very different from each other.  Advice tells you what to do, what you should do, which direction you should take and is very much needed at different times in our lives.  But support is just being present and giving someone the nod they need to move forward, the encouragement to take that step that they want to take but are afraid to, and that shoulder to lean on when they become to tired to stand on their own.

It is not how loudly you speak or what you say, support is just being there in the corner, standing quietly, giving a nod of encouragement in moments that matter.

How powerful a statement is that?  Brian and I are teaching and parenting Addie so that she will grow up to follow the Word of God, to figure certain things out for herself, and to make good decisions, yet there is always that piece of me that wants to jump in and make the right choice for her, put the piece of the puzzle in the right way, move the block so much to the right so her little "house" won't fall apart, and pick out the "right" crayon for her to color the flower in her picture. Good grief, do I sound controlling?  

I am learning (with the support of some very dear friends) to take a step back, to watch, to cheer from the sidelines, to direct her or toss a word of advice in her direction when she looks to me for guidance (not to do for her what she is capable of doing herself), and to distract myself with something else so she can figure out which direction the puzzle piece needs to be turned in order to fit in the puzzle correctly.

I am not by any means saying that I am taking a hands off approach to raising Addie, but I am learning to take my hands off of everything.  I am learning that to support someone takes just as much, if not more, effort as doing for them.  It means that my eyes and ears have to be more alert and in tuned to her and her surroundings and that my reflexes have to have a full servings of Wheaties in the morning. 

Addie has recently begun climbing into her own booster chair at the dining room table.  My first instinct was to say, "No, Addie.  Let Mommy put you in the chair."  However, I realized that learning to climb into her booster chair is just part of her "education" in being a child (she is no longer a baby...very sad!) and my new role is to stand behind her so that I can catch her if she slips and falls. 

Now granted, we cannot and should not be a support when we know that someone is doing something that God's Word calls a sin. We also need to learn the balance between supporting and enabling. 

And so, the lesson I would pass along to you about the value of support is: appreciate the people who support you; do not let them be invisible.  Though they are probably mature enough to be willing to strengthen you silently, take time to let them know how much their support means to you.  Realize what a gift they are and take time to say "thank you." And then in every possible way, every chance you get, make an effort to support someone else.

Homework for the Heart: Recall a time when your mother supported and encouraged you when you were a child.  Now think of a time when she has cheered you up or been uplifting for you as an adult.  What do the two experiences have in common?  How have you learned to support others based on what you've experienced?

Book Club Thursday: Mama Made the Difference- Lesson Eight

Mamas Teach Us to Hide Them in the House

I'll admit, when I first read this Chapter title, I was baffled.  Hide the in the house?  But then as I read on, I realized that this is something that my mother did with us and what I am now doing with Addie.  No, it does not mean literally hiding them in the house, but figuratively hiding them, protecting them from being exposed to things they are not yet ready to experienced based on their age or maturity level.

When my parents first began homeschooling us, it was because of things we were being exposed to in the public school system.  Please understand that I am not bashing the public school system in any way (my sister teaches in a public school).  When I first began school, we lived in a suburb of Tampa and I attended the local public school.  My mother was very involved in the school (as the homeroom mother every year and the librarian asked her to help go through the incoming books to weed out the ones that were not deemed appropriate), and my father was on the PTA for a time.

Then, my father was called into the ministry and we moved to Staten Island, New York where the public schools were not the same as the schools we had just left.  I began hearing rumblings from my class mates about "where babies come from", words that I had never been exposed to before, and my sister was hit by a fellow kindergartner (and my parents were asked to be sympathetic because the other child came from a dysfunctional home). 

It was at this point that my parents chose to home school us for the remainder of our school years.  They wanted to "hide is in the house" from being exposed to information we were not yet ready to process or could do nothing with.  My parents received a lot of criticism for their choice from people who would not answer to God for how we were raised.  They were told that Faye and I would lose out on having any socialization (honestly!).

My parent's response to this was always the same. "When you are growing a seedling, you would never plant it right in the ground to deal with all of the elements.  It's roots are not strong enough to withstand strong winds or heavy rains.  You keep it in a green house to care for it as it grows and feed it to strengthen its roots.  When it is strong enough to stand on its own, that is when you plant it outside. It is the same with children."  And they would leave it at that.

Because I was "hidden in the house" until I was ready, when I was finally set free on the world, I knew what was right and wrong in God's sight.  I did not experience a time of tripping and making mistakes because my "roots" were strong and held fast. 

Now we are "hiding Addie in the house" until the time comes for us to give her different levels of freedom as she shows that she is ready for them.  It irks me greatly when others begin the "you have to let her go out there" conversations when their children have experienced far too much far too soon and are making poor choices because they were never "hidden in the house".

Some versions of Titus 2:5 say that we as women are "keepers at home."  Keepers at home keep guard over the things that enter it.  They guard what comes in through the door, the television, books, and radio.  They guard in prayer what goes out- husband and children.  They guard those they love from hurtful words and attitudes that outsiders try to impose.  We guard.

Homework for the Heart: Describe a time when your mother "hid you in the house" as a child. How did you feel about such containment at the time? How do you feel now, looking back on it?  What are some ways you need to hide your own children in your house? What are some ways you need to let them go?

Book Club Thursday: Mama Made the Difference- Lesson Seven

Mamas Teach Us to Let God Be God

This is a lesson that I am learning to teach Addie on a daily basis.  As you have learned about me, I sometimes hold on to Addie a little too tightly.  I do so in an effort to keep her from getting hurt or making an unnecessary mistake, but even God at times lets go of His grip to teach us a valuable lesson.  He lets us bump ourselves when we struggle to wiggle out of His grip in order to teach us that we would have been better off just relaxing and letting Him guide our path.

I can only imagine the sorrow in His heart for us when we learn our lessons the hard way because of how my heart breaks for Addie when she has to learn those same lessons. 

It is so tempting to become arrogant as we grow and mature, to directly or covertly believe "we can do it my way, God." Instead of waiting out the storm, allowing the ice to thaw and reveal His path, we trudge ahead in our headstrong freedom until we fall flat on our faces and wonder what hit us.

How many times do we figure out the best way out of our circumstances without checking with the Lord to see what His plan for us is.  We jump headlong into a decision without praying or seeking God's guidance, but go running back to Him to fix our mistake when things don't turn out the way we had planned.  God in His goodness and love allows us to make certain decisions in order to teach us once again that He is God and that we are not. 

Knowing that God has chosen us for a blessing is not difficult to accept.  It is when we realize that favor often shows up in unfavorable moments of life that we are afraid to proceed with that unalterable "yes" that God longs to hear us say to Him.

Accepting God's favor and His blessings is so easy for us to do.  We usually do that with no reservations at all.  However, sometimes His blessings and favor come with some unfavorable moments.  Are we willing to accept those moments, too?

God has allowed me to grow by leaps and bounds in the last two and a half years in so many areas.  However, in order for this growth to happen, it took the passing of my mother.  Had I been given the choice of maturing or keeping Mom, I probably would have chosen to keep Mom.  However, God didn't want me to remain where I was.  I had to let God be God.

Whatever you are facing today is not impossible.  Healing is not impossible. Deliverance is not impossible.  Getting the job you need is not impossible.  Seeing your child drug free is not impossible.  Graduating from college when you are fifty is not impossible.  A happy marriage is not impossible. No matter what you are up against or how difficult it appears, it is not impossible.

I am learning on a daily basis from people that I know, from stories I hear, and from my own life that nothing is impossible for God.  When read Biblical accounts, we see what God is capable of.  However, when we look at ourselves and our own circumstances, we can feel that our circumstances are greater than God can handle.  We serve a big God who can do big things.

The past two weeks in our Bible time, Addie has been learning about Joshua and the battle of Jericho.  Out of all the things we have learned about the account, Addie favorite part is that God told the people to walk around the city without talking. Go figure! She also like to pretend she is blowing a trumpet when the walls fall down.  At the end of our lesson, the main thought that is supposed to be conveyed is that when we obey God, He does big things.  When we try to do things on our own and we do not obey, God's power cannot be unleashed on our behalf.

One thing I have learned through this chapter is that I have to teach Addie through my response to her that obedience to God brings blessing, but pulling away and trying to work things out on our own produces consequences.  There are times when making her own choices are appropriate, but there are also times when submitting to her authorities and their choices are in her best interest.  Not always an easy lesson to learn or teach. 

Homework for the heart: Recall a time when your mother allowed you to do something on your own when she really wanted to help you.  What did you learn from this experience?  How often do you allow God to be God in your life presently?

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I also want to take a moment to thank all of our Veterans for their love for God and country and for the sacrifices that they have made for our freedoms.  I am a very grateful citizen. 

Book Club Thursday: Mama Made the Difference- Lesson Seven

Mamas Teach Us to Pray

One of the greatest lessons that I learned from my mother was how to get on my knees and pray.  Mom believed in the power of prayer and taught to believe in it also.  We learned early on that we serve a God who hears our prayers and answers. 

My mother prayed in many ways.  Sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night and have her time with the Lord.  Sometimes, she would close herself up in her room and pray.  During those times we knew that we were not too interrupt her unless there was an emergency.  Sometimes, she would write out her prayers word for word.  Sometimes, she would just make a list.

My mother prayed about everything.  She prayed about needs and wants.  She prayed about mountains and molehills.  She prayed about her family and and strangers.  She prayed about the simple and what seemed impossible.  And we saw God move in every area.

This chapter made me seriously think about how I am teaching Addie to pray.  Because my personal prayer time happens while she is sleeping, I have to make a conscious effort to make sure that she knows the priority that prayer plays in my life.  Before we have our Bible and school time, we pray together (she is still learning to close her eyes when we pray).  We pray before we eat our meals.  When we get a text or Face Book message asking for prayer, we stop what we are doing and pray for the specific request.  And when our prayers are answered, I try explaining to Addie that God answered our prayer and I give her as many specifics as she can understand. 

Is she picking anything up from this?  I have heard her praying with her dolls during her playtime.  At meals, she has offered to pray.  There have been times when she has just come out and said that wanted to pray- and we let her. 

What she doesn't know yet is that she has a heritage of prayer.  Her mother learned from her mother, and Addie's namesake, Grandma Adelaida, was known for her spirit of prayer.  Every day, she prayed for each of her children and their spouses, her grandchildren and their spouses, and her great-grandchildren by name.

Prayer is the most valuable lesson that we can teach our children.  We teach them how to talk and converse with others, but the most important conversations they will ever have will be with the Lord.  May we teach them well.

Book Club Thursday: Mama Made the Difference- Substitute Teacher

This week's chapter was about another substitute teacher- Coretta Scott King.  She was someone else's mother, but the influence she had on Rev. Jakes continues to make itself evident.  I felt that in relation to this chapter, I should honor one of the substitute teachers in my life.  There are a few women who have stepped in to help fill the void after Mom passed, so with each of the Substitute Teacher chapters that are coming up I will honor one of them and introduce you to some of the women who are continuing to leave their marks on their families and in my life.

Today we will look at my aunt Ruth.  You all have met her several times as Titi Ruthie (I don't think she cares for the name Ruthie, but she lets me call her that) or GrandTiti (I think this is her favorite name) throughout this blog.  She has been one of my faithful readers (she especially loves the posts with pictures of Addie). 

Titi Ruthie is my mom's younger sister but because she was taller than Mom, she always called my mom her little sister.  They had a very close relationship and spent as much time as possible talking and catching up.

Titi Ruthie and my cousin Belinda helped my mother put on my family baby shower from a couple of hundred miles away.  When Mom went into the hospital, Titi Ruthie and Uncle Jack were here to be with her, and when Mom passed away, they came right back and spent a few days with the family. 

Titi knew how to comfort us during our time of loss because she experienced her own time of loss years ago.  Her son, Luis, who was studying to be a youth pastor, suddenly passed away from heart related problems.  God gave Titi Ruthie a strength that could only come from Him, and she has continued to live in the comfort of that strength. 

Titi Ruthie has a powerful faith in God and what He can do. She is a firm believer in prayer and doesn't doubt what God is capable of doing. 

Titi Ruthie is always on the other end of the phone when I call just to chat.  We talk about everything and nothing at all.  We laugh (oh boy, do we laugh!), share prayer requests, exchange ideas, and open our hearts. 

Titi Ruthie's other name, GrandTiti, carries with it the feeling she has towards Addie.  She has become the grandmother to Addie that my mother would have been.  We are always getting little packages with goodies, and when we visit (or they visit us), Uncle Jack and GrandTiti always have so many things for their little Addie girl.

I also have to thank my cousin Belinda (another jewel in her own right) for sharing her mother with me.

Spend some time today thinking about some one who God has brought into your life as a substitute teacher and even drop them a note to let them know what a blessing they have been to you.

Book Club Thursday: Mama Made the Difference- Lesson Five

Mamas Teach Us to Be Responsible

What a powerful chapter this was!  Not only did it make me thankful for the lessons in responsibility that I was taught, but it made me more determined than ever to teach my daughter the importance of responsibility.  As always, direct quotes from the book are printed in bold type.

It has been said that children learn from what they see.  Responsibility was taught to me not only by my mother but by my father as well.  Regardless of the state of health they were in, they would get up in the morning and go to work (Dad) or take care of their responsibilities at home (Mom).  Is it any wonder that when I began college, for the first 3 semesters I did not miss a day of class and never skipped a class?  Even when I had a cold, I would take symptom supressing medicine and head out on my one hour drive to college (I was a commuter- never lived on campus).  The reason my perfect attendence ended during my 4th semester was that I came down with the chicken pox!  I took my responsibilities at work the same way.  The most time I ever took off work was during my final year of teaching to either be with my mother in the hospital or during the allotted berevment time after her passing.

...I was responsible for several household chores and, of course, for my schoolwork.  My mother homeschooled us, so in addition to our academic studies, we were also given a very intense version of home economics.  My sister and I held different jobs in our home.  Mine included cleaning the kitchen after every meal (which is probably why I insist on a clean kitchen now), washing the dishes (the home we lived in did not have an electric dishwasher... it had a manual dishwasher- me!), and helping with laundry.  Faye also had a list of jobs that were hers.  We were responsible for taking care of these chores because in reality my mother had an even greater chore- being a helpmeet to my father and being a mother and teacher to her daughters, as well as cook, homekeeper, gardener, and much more. 

Our other responsibility was to complete all of our schoolwork well.  My parents did not have us get jobs during high school or during college (although during the summer we did get summer jobs).  They wanted us to understand that during the school year, school was our job and we had to do our best at it.  As a teacher, I also expected my students to do their best at their schoolwork, and would often tell them that being in school was their fulltime job while their parents were out working at their job.

Simply put, irresponsibility leads to low living.  It keeps people from developing the God-given potential that is within them and locks them in a prison of self-doubt and self-hatred.  Throughout my years as a teacher, I was amazed at what I saw in my students.  My first year, I saw how parents respected teachers and expected their children to do their best at their school work.  My students often told me about the chores they were responsible for at home, and when classroom discipline was necessary, parents were very supportive. 

However, through the years, things changed, and by my final year, I couldn't wait for Addie to be born so I could just step away.  Students were no longer expected by their parents to study, it was okay for them to forget their homework at home (Mom or Dad would make a quick trip on their lunch break to run a homework assignment down so the child would not be held accountable for forgetting his/her assignment), demerits were sent back with notes from the parents that their child could never have done what was written on the slip or that it wasn't their fault for having misbehaved, and the children sounded shocked that someone in the class might have had a chore to do when they got home.

Is it any wonder that during my first year, the grades in the entire class were just phenomenal, but as the years continued, the in class study-with-the-teacher time increased (and I am talking daily review for the upcoming quizzes and tests) and yet the grades were rather dissapointing?  Some of the students would even call themselves "stupid", and I would have to explain to them that they weren't.  Responsibility had been taken away from these children and so had their desire for reaching their potential and self-esteem.

On the other hand, being responsible positions a person for increase. To those who are faithful in small things much more will be given.  One thing that I did find during my years of teaching was that the children that were given chores and held acountable for their behavior and grades at school always did extrememly well.  Their parents knew that by giving their children age appropriate responsibility, they were setting their child up to succeed.

On the top of my prayer list every morning is this "to be faithful in the little", and further on down is "strength and desire for my responsibilities".  Being faithful in the little allows God to bless us with even more.  And let's face it, we don't always wake up wanting to take care of our responsibilities.  Asking God to help us to be faithful in the little and asking for strength and the desire to take care of the mundane shows God our willingness to be responsible where he has put us.

As your children grow from infancy to adulthood, you will naturally give them different types of responsibilities, appropriate to their season of life.  As you have read in past posts, we have already been giving Addie some responsibilities around our home.  She helps us do many of these things because, after all, she is only 2, but it is teaching her early on that she will be expcted to help our family by doing chores in the future. 

Accept- no, own- the responsibilities that belong to you.  As women, wives and/or mothers, we have been given a unique set of responsibilities by God.  We must always remember to own our responsibilities, because by doing so God will open us up for greater responsibilities. If you are married, be the best wife you can be. If you have a home, keep it well.  If you have one child, pour your heart into him/her. 

Be faithful in the little so God can bless you with greater.  By being the best wife to your husband, God will allow your relationship to grow and flourish.  If you rent but keep the home as if it were your own, God may allow you to own one day.  If your home is too small for your family but you use it for his glory and keep it well, God may grant you with a place with sufficient room.  If you care for the one child that God has blessed you with, may He bless you with more!

Homework for the heart:  Would you describe yourself as a responsibile person?  Why or why not? What did you learn about being responsible from the way your mother conducted herself and her duties?  In what ways do you wish your mother had been more responsible? Why? How can you improve on yourself in these areas?

Book Club Thursday: Mama Made the Difference- Lesson Four

Before going any further, I want to wish my wonderful brother-in-law, Jim, an absolutely wonderful birthday! You are such a blessing and treasure to our whole family. Love you.
Mamas Teach Us the Power of Words

The first sound that most babies recognize is the sound of their mother's voice. They hear the sound while in utero, they hear the sound during labor, and they are finally able to match the voice to a face shortly after birth. A mother's voice and the words she uses are very powerful. The words we use with our children can either build them up or tear them down. Those words can tell a child how special he/she is or that he/she is a burden.

I am very conscientious of the words that are used concerning Addie. I am a firm believer that the power of life and death are in the tongue. I cannot even begin to tell you how irritated I get when people who are close to us are careless with their words. They do not understand the power of words and how those words can influence the way a child sees themselves.

Recently, Addie had a rough time in church with obedience (causing us to make the decision to go ahead and put her in the nursery again). Someone close to us later asked Addie if she had been a bad girl. In stepped a very protective mommy. I explained that although her behavior had not been good, Addie is not a bad girl, and I didn't want her being told that she was. The next day as Addie and I were talking and playing, I said, "Addie, you are such a good girl," to which she responded, "No, I not!" I cannot even begin to tell you how angry I was, not at Addie but at the words that had been spoken in her direction the day before. How dare other people use their careless words to influence my daughter!

It is important to know that the words you speak as a mother have power. I have seen those words build up a child like a soaring cathedral or tear him down to a pile of human rubble. We need to remember that as mothers our words can build up our children's spirits or tear them to pieces. We can instill confidence into them or strip their confidence to shreds. We also need to remember that our tone (the way we say something) is just as important as the words we say. Our tone can make a child feel stupid or brilliant.

When your children finish a conversation with you, do they look like fine pottery in the process of being molded by your words with love and care or do they look like stone, having had parts of their hearts chipped away by negative sharp or angry words? Wow! My mother and I shared a lot of words. Those words built my confidence, told me that I was a capable young woman, reminded me of how valuable I was to her, and how special I was to God. Now that my mother is no longer here, God has used my aunts to step in and continue to build me up with their words. After spending time with them, either on the phone or in person over a cup of coffee, I feel inspired as a woman, wife, and mother.

Be very careful what you say. Remember that death and life, blessing an cursing are in the power of the tongue. With the words of your mouth, you can impart greatness or smallness in someone else's life. You can fan the flame of a dream or you can snuff it out. Use your words for good!

Homework for the Heart: What are some of your mother's favorite phrases? When would she say them? Why do they linger in your memory now? What did you learn about the power of language from your mother? How has she influenced the way you speak and write? (For tomorrow's post, I am going to answer these questions for myself.)