The Heart of a Homemaker | Bring Honor to God's Word

We have reached the final week of our Titus 2 series. The original post written for September 17, 2009, can be found here.

The final phrase of Titus 2:3-5 says, "...that the Word of God may not be dishonored."

The Word of God has stood on its own for centuries. It has survived many attempts to erase it, discredit it, and change it. So the question is, how can we dishonor the Word of God?

When we do not obey what God's Word so clearly says, we dishonor it.

Believe it or not, non-believers know the standard of conduct for believers better than believers do. Christians tend to take their "freedom in Christ" to a place that God never intended. Why? Because rather than living a life that honors God and His Word, some Christians would rather do what is convenient, pleasing to themselves, and socially acceptable. What is socially acceptable is not always acceptable to God.

Another problem is that so many people claim to be Christians, and may very well be, but have never completely given Christ the throne of their heart. They have taken out a "fire insurance policy" but have not made a total life commitment. Their claim and conduct do not match, and, therefore, leave many confused.

Remember what Christ went through when He died to give us salvation. His death was cruel and inhumane. Are we taking what He did for granted so that we can have the freedom to do what ever we want?

I saw The Passion of the Christ. Actually, I managed to see a third of it. How many times have we seen a picture of Jesus on the cross? So many times that we forget the anguish and suffering He actually went through to save us. We make the pictures so cute and "safe" for our children, and give them a sanitized view of what Jesus did for them. Sometimes we are so numb to and familiar with the sanitized version that we take for granted the actual sacrifice Jesus made that day.

What about Christians who were put to death for their strong stand for Christ? Did they die in vain also so that we can live as we please? What about the present day believers around the world who are tortured and killed for their faith? How many Christians do you know would be that committed to Christ?

Is living for Christ easy? No. Even Jesus said that we must pick up our cross daily and follow him. The cross was heavy and full of splinters because it was unfinished wood. Will we stumble and fall? Yes. But the Bible also says "though a righteous man falls 7 times yet will he rise up again."

How we handle the getting up process will determine the honor or dishonor of God's Word.

If we accept responsibility and have a repentant spirit and make restitution, we will honor God and His Word. Just as children and their behavior reflect their parents, our behavior as Christians reflects God. May we reflect well.

Well, my dear friends, we have reached the end of our Titus study. I have learned so much from these three verses and am constantly catching myself and reminding myself of how God wants me to respond in different situations. I pass some tests and I have some tests that I need to go back and study for, but God is helping me grow closer in my relationship with Him with every test and pop quiz He gives.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Subject to Their Own Husbands

The next word in Titus 2:3-5 is one that makes women in certain circles and groups rather uncomfortable.

Subject/Submit

Why?

Because we live in a society that believes that women are no different than men, that women are better than men, and that women have no need for men. What a sad message the men around us are hearing.

However, God has not put this phrase in the Bible to keep women down or in a position of inferiority, but to free us from the responsibility of being the one in charge.

How can we be subject/submissive to our husbands?

One way that I can be subject to my husband is by showing him respect and honor.

If he makes a request, then I need to respond in a right spirit. I have been blessed to have a husband that is not demanding at all. However, there are times that he does have requests concerning dinner (a favorite meal), phone calls that need to be made (no one likes to be put on hold especially someone who is on the clock), or some unusual chore that needs to be done. In those cases, my attitude needs to be one of humility, kindness, and submission.

As women, we tend to be rather opinionated. We even tend to think that our opinion is always right and there can never be another way to look at things. However, sometimes it does not occur to us that our husbands also have opinions on matters also.

When there are two valid opinions, it is important to voice our opinion in a godly, loving way.

I do not believe that God wants us to roll over and be walked on, but he wants us to conduct ourselves as His daughters and to carry ourselves in beauty and character. Once we have made our opinions known to our husbands, we then need to submit our opinion to his and prayerfully trust God to take care of the rest (so hard for those of us ME who like to control make sure life follows the plan in place).

There are times when we need to respectfully disagree with our husbands (1 Samuel 25: 9-35). In those cases, we need to be in prayer and ask God for wisdom so that our husbands realize that our intentions were not to go above their heads but to be a blessing to them.

...to their own husbands....

Going in a different direction in this verse, I think God has put that one little word own in this passage for a reason.

It is so easy to compare our marriages (especially in this world of social media that we live in where we only post the highlights of our lives) and then say, "If my husband were only more like that, I would submit to him" or "How can she not submit to her husband? He is such a wonderful man."

However, we do not know what someone else's relationship is like behind closed doors. The couple you see in public may not be the same in private.

Women generally like to compare themselves with others and covet what their friends have. God doesn't want us mentally taking on the lives and dreams of others, but He wants us to live our own lives with our own husbands and our own children.

God put 2 Corinthians 10:12b in His Word for a reason. It says, "...but when they measure themselves by themselves, and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding."

Don't compare the wonderful life, story, and journey that God has given to you with the one he has given to someone else.

There is no comparison.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Kind

This was originally posted on September 10, 2009 and can be found here.

"...kind..."

My mother used to tell me, "Kindness is always in style." And how true that is. A kind word here, a kind look there can do so much more than we could ever think.

How easy is it to be run down after a day of cleaning, laundry, cooking, diapers, feedings, chauffeuring, homeschooling/homework, dance class, soccer practice, church activities, and whatever else comes up to say an unkind word about one item being left out of place by a husband or child.

Or maybe by the tone of our voice, we make our husband feel like our job in the home is more important or harder than the job he has, which may be the only paying job in the household (as is the case with us).

It is so easy to come across as a little frazzled and short with those in our home when we have had very little sleep because of a sick baby or child, have had to run errands with small children in tow, or feel the frustration of doing a job that is never done, but...

...how careful we are not to treat outsiders that way.

Isn't it even more important to show kindness to those who are around us always, who see the real us at all times? Now I realize that by showing kindness to our families behind closed doors we won't get the praise of others (which is really not that important), but...

...we will leave a lasting impact on our families.

Believe me, I understand the frazzled tiredness that comes with a lack of sleep and not getting the normal chores and goals accomplished. Two weeks ago, I had a sick daughter who woke up crying throughout the night because of an earache (a doctor's visit and the need to sit with my eyes closed for just a minute while being available for my fully functioning 2 year old who got all of his sleep made for a day where nothing was accomplished). However, I am learning every day that regardless of the kind of day that I have had...

...my husband still needs kindness from me. It also helps when I remember that one of the first things that attracted Brian to me (according to him) was that I was kind to him before we ever dated.

Don't even think unkind words or mutter them as you go about your daily chores (very hard to do, I know). What you think and mutter will come out eventually and feel like a poisonous sludge on whoever your words fall upon. You thoughts will also come out in your attitude. If your thoughts have been argumentative towards a certain person, then you will have an argumentative attitude towards those you come in contact with during your day, and kindness will fly out the window.

This my goal for the next week, really thinking about the words I use before I allow them to come out and deciding if the words I am about to use are kind or unkind.

Even when something unpleasant needs to be said, there is always a way to say it in kindness.

Many of the women who work in our children's department at church are also classroom teachers by day. I am always so amazed at how when my first reaction to seeing something would most likely be "NOOO!!!" in hopes of stopping Child A from whacking Child B with a frying pan from the play kitchen set, one of them would actually approach the situation with, "Why don't we put this down and find something else to play with. That might hurt Child B and make him cry. You wouldn't want that, would you?" These ladies leave me in awe.

 It will not always be easy, but that is what makes this kind of challenge so rewarding in the end.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Keepers at Home

This post was originally posted on September 2, 2009, and can be found here.

This post does contain affiliate links.

"...keepers at home..."

I know that this phrase from Titus 2:3-5 has the capability of being a sore spot in many circles today and may not even be considered to be politically correct.

So we are going to do what we have done in the past. Look at the words themselves, what they mean and how we can apply the lesson to our own lives and to our families.

The phrase "keeper of the home" literally means "guardian or overseer of the household."

So let's take this in two parts. This week we will look at our role as "guardians," and next week, Lord willing, we will look at our role as "overseers."

As the God-appointed "guardian/overseer of the household" our job has several facets that are vital to the safety of our families, both spiritually and physically.

The definition of a guardian from dictionary.com is 1. a person who guards, protects, or preserves.

2. Law. a person who is entrusted by law with the care of the person or property, or both, of another, as a minor or someone legally incapable of managing his or her own affairs.

 

Are you wondering why this particular job was not given to the husband?

 

Our culture today is very different from the culture and times this was written in. The husband was the provider for the home. The woman was the one at home and was in charge of the general runnings of the household.

 

Now I understand that in many homes and situations, the woman is not able to be at home. Yet, when it comes to our homes, we are the ones that need to guard, protect, and preserve those inside. Which is why it is even more important than ever that your walk with the Lord is consistent and daily.

As the "guardian of your household" it is up to you (and your husband) to decide what comes into your home- toys, games, movies, music, and even friends- because everything that we allow into our homes will have an affect on those within those walls.

This can be tricky since not everyone will understand our reasons or convictions concerning the toys, games, and movies we may not allow in our home, especially since so many of them are so innocent looking.

Growing up, there were Disney movies that we were not allowed to watch, Christian teen novels we were not allowed to read, and toys that we were not allowed to play with or have. My mother, being the "guardian of her household" did not just say "No, you can't....." She sat with us and explained the reasons behind the different games, movies, and even the Christian teen novels that we were not allowed to have. All of them had a spiritual reason.

Turmoil in the Toy Box is one of the books (beside her own walk with God and convictions) that opened her eyes to some of the more innocent toys that we were not allowed to play with. Yet, with so many other toys out there, we were never deprived of toys and play time.

Now, with my own children, we have our own list of movies, games, and toys that we do not allow- not to be "holier than thou" or "more righteous than", but we do this to protect the hearts of our children. It is during this time that they are the most moldable, and when children learn the reasons behind their faith at a young age, they are less likely to turn away later in life.

Friends can also be hard one to step around because of the sensitivity of feelings. I have a friend who, years ago, had to tell a girl she grew up with in youth group that their daughters (toddlers at the time) could not spend time with each other any more because they were not being raised with the same Biblical background. Feelings were wounded, yet this mother was guarding her home and the heart of her daughter.

Mom, wife, woman of God, you have been given the unique job of being a spiritual guardian for your home. Your husband is to be the spiritual leader, but when he is not at home, you are to guard your home, family, and children spiritually.

Stay in prayer.

Keep alert.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8

The Heart of a Homemaker | Pure

The original post, written in August 2009, can be found here.

When I think of the word pure, I think of something clean, refreshing, innocent, untainted, and beautiful.

What a wonderful word! 

To think that it is a word that God wants to use to describe us as women who love and serve Him. But how can we be pure? Some ideas came to mind for myself on how I can be pure before God.

I need to be without blemish and above reproach. That means I need to ask God on a daily basis to keep my spiritual feet on the straight and narrow, never turning to the left or right. I need to rely on His strength, not my own, to do what I know is right and good before Him and not my own desires. 

I also need to make sure that my behavior is above reproach or correction. I need to think before speaking or acting so that I do not do something that will require correction from the Lord or put questions in the minds of others about the validity of my testimony. 

Will we make mistakes? Unfortunately, yes. But we need to begin each day by dedicating it to God, and not with a mindset that we are going to mess up, but rather asking ourselves how are we going to please God. If we do slip up, then we need to immediately repent and make restitution to those we have hurt or offended.

As a woman, I need to be faithful in my heart to my husband. We have images all around us (TV, movies, magazines, billboards, merchandise signs, etc.), and it is so easy for us as women to compare what we have against what we see. 

Sometimes we hear women speak of crushes they have on actors, singers, and entertainers, but think about the message that a statement like that is sending across. It says, "I am married to my husband but dream I had this other man instead." What message is that sending to the man that you vowed to love above all others, to love and cherish until death do you part? That he is not good enough. That he isn't the image of a man that attracts you. Crushes are for young girls, not married women.

Being pure in heart and faithful in our hearts to our husbands also means to me that we should not picture ourselves in a movie we may be watching playing opposite the hero. If you find yourself welling up with "crushy" feelings for a particular entertainer, actor, singer, or even just another man that you know personally, I would urge you for the sake of the Lord, your husband, children, and marriage that you remove yourself from the situation. The Bible says that we need to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, and the Word of God tells us that we are to be faithful to the one we have married (Exodus 20:14). This goes along with being without blemish and above reproach.

As I go through the day today, I will be asking God to show me ways in my day to day walk that I can apply these principles of being pure in heart. I am so thankful that God loves us so much that He has not left us to figure things out for ourselves, but is willing to take an active part in our walk with Him if we ask Him to. I am asking, Lord.

The Heart of a Homemaker | To Be Sensible

You can find the original from post August 2009  here.

"...to be sensible..." The next small phrase of Titus 2:3-5 uses a word or derivative of a word that we tend to throw around a lot. Many times we know what we mean when we use the word, but do we know what the word really means?


Sensible means having, using, or showing good sense or sound judgment; cognizant; keenly aware (dictionary.com).

So how are we as women to be sensible? Personally, I think it means that we are to use common sense in our behavior, dress, attitudes, and decisions.

Behavior- How many times do we dread seeing someone because we know how they have behaved in the past. We know what bothers us, but did it ever occur to us that we have characteristics and quirks that may bother others (never!). We need to ask God to reveal areas in our lives that are unpleasant to those around us- speech, actions, conversation- so that we can be a blessing and not a dread. Being loud, brash, crude, and overly opinionated are just some characteristics that do not show a sensible spirit.

Dress- I know you've seen them too. Women who are trying to attract the wrong kind of men by the way they are packaging themselves. Many times I have wanted to walk up to them and tell them that they are much more valuable than they are representing themselves to be. How we dress says a lot about us. My father used to say, "If what you are wearing causes peoples eyes to rest on one spot (body part), then what you are wearing is immodest." We need to be sure that we dress in a modest, God pleasing, attractive way so that we will not cause another to stumble in their walk with the Lord and will keep our testimony solid.

Attitudes- Believe it or not our attitudes can be read without us saying a word. We need to make sure that we are sensitive to those around us and sensible in the attitudes that we give off. Our attitudes tell a lot about us. We may say one thing with our mouths, but our attitudes will tell the truth about how we feel. How many times have we shown by our attitudes that we are bored by someone, tired of having to entertain a guest, or bothered by how much food someone has eaten? Being sensible in our attitudes is so important for women who are looking to please the Lord.

Decisions- It is so easy to make what my father calls a "knee-jerk" decision based on what we see directly in front of us without being aware of the domino affect of our quick choices. Being sensible in our decisions, to me, means praying and asking God for wisdom as we go through the process of examining all of the angles of the situation, discussing the options with our husbands or others in our lives whose godly opinions we value, taking it to the Lord again, and then doing what God has directed us to do. It may take time, but that is okay. Better a choice made with plenty of time than a quick decision that we will regret forever.

As God has been pointing out each phrase of this verse to me, I have been trying with His help to begin practicing these lessons on a day to day basis. I have successful days, and days that are as far from successful as they could possibly be, but I know that God is helping me grow in each area. I look forward to beginning each new day with a fresh, clean slate for God to work with.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Love Their Children

Two weeks ago we looked at 1 Corinthians 13 from the perspective of loving our husbands. This week we will look at it from the perspective of applying it to our children.

I'm climbing up on my soapbox now, so it might be a good idea to duck for a minute.

Can we all make a pact not to put children down to their parents as in, "I'll bet you can't wait for naptime....", "They know which buttons to push.....", "Mom, you know they are supposed to make you pull your hair out..." and so on.

Children are not born with this innate desire to sabotage their parents' lives. In fact, children did not even chose to be here in the first place.  

Children are born with a sin nature (just like their parents were), and it is our job as parents to teach them to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord. Children are what we as parents allow them to be. The Bible refers to children as a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3 NASB).

If God, who is the ultimate giver of good gifts considers children to be a gift, then shouldn't we as well?

Okay.... I'm done.....

Now, regardless of how the rest of the world views children, let us look at how we can love our children according to 1 Corinthians 13.

Love is.....

patient- when you are answering the tenth round of "whys" that started when they asked why the sky is blue.

kind- when you are dealing with an injured child, whether physically or emotionally, and looks for a way to help heal the wound with as little pain as possible. It hurts, and telling them it doesn't invalidates their feelings to whatever his injured their hearts or knees.

does not envy- someone else of what they have made their children appear to be like on Facebook or Twitter. Children, everyone's children, are children. Everyone has to work with their children on something, whether it be fears, attitudes, behaviors, or problems. Be thankful for the child you have been given!

does not boast- to your child about someone else's child and what they are able to do. That is a great way to destroy your child's self-esteem and cause resentment towards a child that has done nothing to deserve it.

not proud- of what you were like as child and compare your child to that. You were what your parents put into you. If you want your child to be more like that, then do what your parents did for you. (Oh, wait! Did you say you were going to parent differently than your parents did? Then don't complain.)

not rude- it is so easy to be rude to those closest to us- especially our children. Because they are small, some people consider them to be insignificant. They are not. Jesus said that if we wanted to enter into the kingdom of heaven then we needed to become as a child. That is pretty significant! I, sarcastically, love when parents treat their children rudely and then are appalled when their children repeat the behavior in public. Our children can either learn grace and tact from us or rudeness. Which will it be?

self seeking- do we parent the way we do because we love our children or because we want to look good in front of others? Using our children to promote ourselves, our parenting, and our greatness will leave them feeling used and not loved.

not easily angered- it goes back to patience. How long is your fuse, Mom? I am generally a patient person with a fairly long fuse. However, I know that my fuse is shorter on days that I am more tired. Sometimes, I can't do anything about the amount of sleep I get at night, but sometimes just reminding myself that my children are 5 and four-days-from-being 2, and, as awesome as I think they are, they are going to act their age. It does help.


keeps no record of wrong- reminding your child of a mistake they made last week, last month, a year ago, two years ago, or a decade ago does not benefit your child in any way. All you will do is remind them that they will never be good enough in your eyes, and one they blow it, their is no real forgiveness. Many times, that is when they just continue into a downward spiral. They have no hope of ever being forgiven. As parents, we need to visually show them what God's forgiveness looks like. He said that He has taken our sins and put them as far away from Him as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12) and has promised to remember our sins no more (Hebrews 8:12). If God, who is Holy and Righteous and Good has chosen to forgive us in this way, who are we, who needed a Savior, to remind our children of their short comings?

does not delight in evil- When you refuse to correct your child for improper behavior, you are not showing love to that child (Proverbs 13:24). Do not be one of those parents who use the familiar phrase, "Not my child!" Yes, your child is human and made a mistake. Correct him, love him, and move on.

rejoices in the truth- when your child comes to you with the truth of a situation, even if it is not what you wanted to hear, rejoice in the fact that they told they truth and had the confidence in you to speak the truth freely. They need to know that they can approach you with anything and everything. One day their safety could depend on it.

always protects- your child from those who speak harmfully towards them, bullies, and the internet. Moms, there are too many tragedies in the news with children taking their own lives because they could not handle the bullying. The heartbroken parents are always left saying, "If I had only known...." Be involved. Know your kid's passwords and user names. If you chose to allow them to have a social media account, be the first friend on their list and then monitor everything that goes through. You are protecting the child that you love.

always trusts- that your child will take what you have taught them from God's Word and will use it when making decisions when you are not around.

always hopes- that God has great things in store for them and then prays accordingly. Remember, faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

always preservers- even when you look at the world around you and you fear what may lie ahead, never give up teaching your children about the Lord and His love for them. When it seems that you have taught the same lesson about obedience for the 100th straight day, don't give up. It may finally sink in on day 101.

love never fails- and your children will know that you love them without you having to say it...

....but you will say it because "I love you" coming from a mother is the most beautiful sound in the world.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Love Their Children

The original post was posted on August 17, 2009 and can be found here.

"...to love their children..."

Once again, this phrase in the verse from Titus 2:3-5 seems a bit obvious, but after thinking about it I realized just how amazing our God is that He had the apostle Paul add this little phrase.

I don't know what type of home you came from, but I came from one where my mother was the ultimate example of a woman who loved the Lord first, then her husband and children. She would do anything for us, and she was willing to give up anything necessary for our well being.

She went back to work soon after I was born for a couple of weeks, but then chose to stay home with me and then my sister, Faye. She felt that her place was at home, instead of out in the workplace, caring for her children and making the home a place of refuge and relaxation for my father when he came home from work.

I can't tell you how many hugs, kisses, and "I love you" phrases I received growing up because they were as numerous as the stars in the sky (however, now I wish I could get a few more).

My mother took her time to teach us God's Word everyday, up to the day that I got married, and then after that she would ask me if she could share something with me from God's Word (the answer was always yes).

She and Dad had Children's Appreciation Day once a year (we never knew when that would be). On the first Children's Appreciation Day, she told us that we were having special guests for dinner. Faye and I tried guessing who it could be as Mom set out her best plates and glasses. We were told to dress up so that we looked nice when the guests arrived. When Dad came home from work, Mom pulled out handmade crowns and put them on our heads. She told Faye and me that we were the special guests, and I promptly burst into tears from feeling so special.

My mother home schooled my sister and I, and we both went on to college (I graduated with honor, my sister graduated as valedictorian- number 1 in her class). Funny thing is, my mother did not have a college degree when she was teaching us. She earned it through a correspondence course as she was homeschooling us. Her degree was in Christian counseling not education, but anyone who had her as a teacher or counselor could tell you that what she had was a gift, not earned from a piece of paper.

She would come into my room when it was time for bed, and she and I would sit and talk about anything and everything that was on my mind and in my heart. When I got married, I would call her all the time, and she would drop everything to just chat about everything and nothing, just to talk to me. Up until her death, she was still putting the needs of her children above her own, making sure that I had everything that I needed to bring my baby home from the hospital. I really miss being able to pick up the phone and hearing her on the other end.
 

That is how I learned to be a mother to my children.

I have given countless kisses and hugs for absolutely no reason (and they have begun giving them right back for no reason, too), teaching then, and having devotions. We talk all the time. I love that I can actually carry an intelligent conversation with Addie- sometimes she is just too smart! Even Ian is learning to have conversations with us and we understand his "language."

For me, loving my children comes naturally because I have seen what a mother is and does and how she is to love my whole life. I had an amazing example, and my mother had an amazing example in her own mother.

However, not everyone has had an example to follow. We all come from different backgrounds, circumstances, places, cultures, and homes. Some mothers treated their children as if they were an inconvenience or punishment, while others treated them as the gift that God describes them to be. Some mothers treated their children as unimportant or less than human, while others treated them as a reward from God.

Although I am sure that most mothers love their children (how could they not?), they may not know how to show that love. Why? Because it may not have been shown to them. The phrase "Do as I say, not as I do" does not hold true in any situation. It is more of a "Monkey see, monkey do"- not that I believe we are monkeys under any circumstance! As we have seen and experienced, so we do and follow.

As you spend time with your children, teaching and training them, remember that the way you love and treat them is the way they will love and treat your grandchildren. Remember that everything you do with and for your children will set an example for your children to follow.

I know of women who had abusive mothers but decided long before they became mothers themselves that they would treat their children differently than they were treated. Their daughters are now loving mothers to their children because of the example of their mothers, who chose to make a conscious effort to love their children according to God's Word and not according to the poor example that they saw.

Next week, we will look at 1 Corinthians 13 in relation to our children (like we did with our husbands) to see how loving our children really looks when we follow what God says in His Word.