The Heart of a Homemaker | Bring Honor to God's Word

We have reached the final week of our Titus 2 series. The original post written for September 17, 2009, can be found here.

The final phrase of Titus 2:3-5 says, "...that the Word of God may not be dishonored."

The Word of God has stood on its own for centuries. It has survived many attempts to erase it, discredit it, and change it. So the question is, how can we dishonor the Word of God?

When we do not obey what God's Word so clearly says, we dishonor it.

Believe it or not, non-believers know the standard of conduct for believers better than believers do. Christians tend to take their "freedom in Christ" to a place that God never intended. Why? Because rather than living a life that honors God and His Word, some Christians would rather do what is convenient, pleasing to themselves, and socially acceptable. What is socially acceptable is not always acceptable to God.

Another problem is that so many people claim to be Christians, and may very well be, but have never completely given Christ the throne of their heart. They have taken out a "fire insurance policy" but have not made a total life commitment. Their claim and conduct do not match, and, therefore, leave many confused.

Remember what Christ went through when He died to give us salvation. His death was cruel and inhumane. Are we taking what He did for granted so that we can have the freedom to do what ever we want?

I saw The Passion of the Christ. Actually, I managed to see a third of it. How many times have we seen a picture of Jesus on the cross? So many times that we forget the anguish and suffering He actually went through to save us. We make the pictures so cute and "safe" for our children, and give them a sanitized view of what Jesus did for them. Sometimes we are so numb to and familiar with the sanitized version that we take for granted the actual sacrifice Jesus made that day.

What about Christians who were put to death for their strong stand for Christ? Did they die in vain also so that we can live as we please? What about the present day believers around the world who are tortured and killed for their faith? How many Christians do you know would be that committed to Christ?

Is living for Christ easy? No. Even Jesus said that we must pick up our cross daily and follow him. The cross was heavy and full of splinters because it was unfinished wood. Will we stumble and fall? Yes. But the Bible also says "though a righteous man falls 7 times yet will he rise up again."

How we handle the getting up process will determine the honor or dishonor of God's Word.

If we accept responsibility and have a repentant spirit and make restitution, we will honor God and His Word. Just as children and their behavior reflect their parents, our behavior as Christians reflects God. May we reflect well.

Well, my dear friends, we have reached the end of our Titus study. I have learned so much from these three verses and am constantly catching myself and reminding myself of how God wants me to respond in different situations. I pass some tests and I have some tests that I need to go back and study for, but God is helping me grow closer in my relationship with Him with every test and pop quiz He gives.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Subject to Their Own Husbands

The next word in Titus 2:3-5 is one that makes women in certain circles and groups rather uncomfortable.

Subject/Submit

Why?

Because we live in a society that believes that women are no different than men, that women are better than men, and that women have no need for men. What a sad message the men around us are hearing.

However, God has not put this phrase in the Bible to keep women down or in a position of inferiority, but to free us from the responsibility of being the one in charge.

How can we be subject/submissive to our husbands?

One way that I can be subject to my husband is by showing him respect and honor.

If he makes a request, then I need to respond in a right spirit. I have been blessed to have a husband that is not demanding at all. However, there are times that he does have requests concerning dinner (a favorite meal), phone calls that need to be made (no one likes to be put on hold especially someone who is on the clock), or some unusual chore that needs to be done. In those cases, my attitude needs to be one of humility, kindness, and submission.

As women, we tend to be rather opinionated. We even tend to think that our opinion is always right and there can never be another way to look at things. However, sometimes it does not occur to us that our husbands also have opinions on matters also.

When there are two valid opinions, it is important to voice our opinion in a godly, loving way.

I do not believe that God wants us to roll over and be walked on, but he wants us to conduct ourselves as His daughters and to carry ourselves in beauty and character. Once we have made our opinions known to our husbands, we then need to submit our opinion to his and prayerfully trust God to take care of the rest (so hard for those of us ME who like to control make sure life follows the plan in place).

There are times when we need to respectfully disagree with our husbands (1 Samuel 25: 9-35). In those cases, we need to be in prayer and ask God for wisdom so that our husbands realize that our intentions were not to go above their heads but to be a blessing to them.

...to their own husbands....

Going in a different direction in this verse, I think God has put that one little word own in this passage for a reason.

It is so easy to compare our marriages (especially in this world of social media that we live in where we only post the highlights of our lives) and then say, "If my husband were only more like that, I would submit to him" or "How can she not submit to her husband? He is such a wonderful man."

However, we do not know what someone else's relationship is like behind closed doors. The couple you see in public may not be the same in private.

Women generally like to compare themselves with others and covet what their friends have. God doesn't want us mentally taking on the lives and dreams of others, but He wants us to live our own lives with our own husbands and our own children.

God put 2 Corinthians 10:12b in His Word for a reason. It says, "...but when they measure themselves by themselves, and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding."

Don't compare the wonderful life, story, and journey that God has given to you with the one he has given to someone else.

There is no comparison.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Kind

This was originally posted on September 10, 2009 and can be found here.

"...kind..."

My mother used to tell me, "Kindness is always in style." And how true that is. A kind word here, a kind look there can do so much more than we could ever think.

How easy is it to be run down after a day of cleaning, laundry, cooking, diapers, feedings, chauffeuring, homeschooling/homework, dance class, soccer practice, church activities, and whatever else comes up to say an unkind word about one item being left out of place by a husband or child.

Or maybe by the tone of our voice, we make our husband feel like our job in the home is more important or harder than the job he has, which may be the only paying job in the household (as is the case with us).

It is so easy to come across as a little frazzled and short with those in our home when we have had very little sleep because of a sick baby or child, have had to run errands with small children in tow, or feel the frustration of doing a job that is never done, but...

...how careful we are not to treat outsiders that way.

Isn't it even more important to show kindness to those who are around us always, who see the real us at all times? Now I realize that by showing kindness to our families behind closed doors we won't get the praise of others (which is really not that important), but...

...we will leave a lasting impact on our families.

Believe me, I understand the frazzled tiredness that comes with a lack of sleep and not getting the normal chores and goals accomplished. Two weeks ago, I had a sick daughter who woke up crying throughout the night because of an earache (a doctor's visit and the need to sit with my eyes closed for just a minute while being available for my fully functioning 2 year old who got all of his sleep made for a day where nothing was accomplished). However, I am learning every day that regardless of the kind of day that I have had...

...my husband still needs kindness from me. It also helps when I remember that one of the first things that attracted Brian to me (according to him) was that I was kind to him before we ever dated.

Don't even think unkind words or mutter them as you go about your daily chores (very hard to do, I know). What you think and mutter will come out eventually and feel like a poisonous sludge on whoever your words fall upon. You thoughts will also come out in your attitude. If your thoughts have been argumentative towards a certain person, then you will have an argumentative attitude towards those you come in contact with during your day, and kindness will fly out the window.

This my goal for the next week, really thinking about the words I use before I allow them to come out and deciding if the words I am about to use are kind or unkind.

Even when something unpleasant needs to be said, there is always a way to say it in kindness.

Many of the women who work in our children's department at church are also classroom teachers by day. I am always so amazed at how when my first reaction to seeing something would most likely be "NOOO!!!" in hopes of stopping Child A from whacking Child B with a frying pan from the play kitchen set, one of them would actually approach the situation with, "Why don't we put this down and find something else to play with. That might hurt Child B and make him cry. You wouldn't want that, would you?" These ladies leave me in awe.

 It will not always be easy, but that is what makes this kind of challenge so rewarding in the end.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Keepers at Home

The phrase "Keepers at home" literally means "guardian or overseer of the household." Last week we looked at how we as women are the guardians of our homes. Today we are going to look at how we can be effective overseers of our households.

1 Corinthians 14:40 says, "Let all things be done decently and in order."

I don't know if it is because I have a natural bent towards organization and planning ahead or if it is because that was something instilled in me by my parents, but having order to my life and home are, in some ways, a necessity to me.

As a teacher, my classroom had a schedule that we followed, and we had the smoothest days. But when I became a stay-at-home-mom and would talk about having a schedule for my home, all I would hear was, "You can kiss your schedule good-bye!" or "Honey, it's not your schedule anymore- it's your baby's schedule!"

I didn't understand how it was praised and lauded and deemed responsible for me to have 23 students in a classroom on a schedule, but to think I could be at home and have one child on a schedule was ridiculous!

But, I did it anyway.

Yes, 1 Corinthians 14 is talking about how God's house was to be in order and the services were to have order in them, but all I could think was, "If God wants there to be order in His house, then I need to have order in my house, too."

Having order in our homes is not impossible. It does take time and it does take discipline, but it is very doable.

Let's take a quick look at what a home and family needs for everything to be run with order.

A Laundry Schedule- Look at your family, the amount of laundry you accumulate in a day/week and then decide if one to two loads per day will do the trick for you or one whole day of nothing but laundry is what it will take for your laundry to be maintained. For our home, one load per day is what keeps our drawers happy.

A Meal Plan- What do you plan on eating this week? Have a plan?

Look at your calendar for the rest of the week. Decide which meals you will be home for.

Now look in your pantry. What do you have on hand and what could be easily turned into a meal? Are you missing an ingredient or two or five? Write them down on your grocery list.

On your calendar write down which meals you will have on which days. Now when you go to the grocery store, you know exactly what to pick up and you will not have to panic 30 minutes before diner time because you're not sure what to serve your family.

Lately, I have been only planning a week at a time, but I triple one recipe per week and put the extras in the freezer to serve on days that I know I will not have time to cook.

A Cleaning Schedule- There are many ways to keep a house clean. I personally prefer to clean one room per day. It takes maybe 15-20 minutes and the whole house is left looking clean throughout the week.

If something in your cleaning schedule isn't working for you, change it. Find what works for you. If you have older children, employ them in helping you clean the house.

Keep a Calendar- Someone has to keep track of the appointments, engagements, practices, games, meets, and anything else that can creep up to require some of your time. Have a central place where all of this is put.

I keep a planner. It has all of the dates, times, events, birthdays, blog postings, our meal plan, field trips, dates that Brian works out of town, and anything else that comes up written down. This keeps me on task and (mostly) on time. The planner I have purchased for 2014 has my "days" broken up into morning, day, and evening which works perfectly for us (see this post).

As the overseer of our households, it is important that we keep things running decently and in order. With God's help, you've got this!

The Heart of a Homemaker | Keepers at Home

This post was originally posted on September 2, 2009, and can be found here.

This post does contain affiliate links.

"...keepers at home..."

I know that this phrase from Titus 2:3-5 has the capability of being a sore spot in many circles today and may not even be considered to be politically correct.

So we are going to do what we have done in the past. Look at the words themselves, what they mean and how we can apply the lesson to our own lives and to our families.

The phrase "keeper of the home" literally means "guardian or overseer of the household."

So let's take this in two parts. This week we will look at our role as "guardians," and next week, Lord willing, we will look at our role as "overseers."

As the God-appointed "guardian/overseer of the household" our job has several facets that are vital to the safety of our families, both spiritually and physically.

The definition of a guardian from dictionary.com is 1. a person who guards, protects, or preserves.

2. Law. a person who is entrusted by law with the care of the person or property, or both, of another, as a minor or someone legally incapable of managing his or her own affairs.

 

Are you wondering why this particular job was not given to the husband?

 

Our culture today is very different from the culture and times this was written in. The husband was the provider for the home. The woman was the one at home and was in charge of the general runnings of the household.

 

Now I understand that in many homes and situations, the woman is not able to be at home. Yet, when it comes to our homes, we are the ones that need to guard, protect, and preserve those inside. Which is why it is even more important than ever that your walk with the Lord is consistent and daily.

As the "guardian of your household" it is up to you (and your husband) to decide what comes into your home- toys, games, movies, music, and even friends- because everything that we allow into our homes will have an affect on those within those walls.

This can be tricky since not everyone will understand our reasons or convictions concerning the toys, games, and movies we may not allow in our home, especially since so many of them are so innocent looking.

Growing up, there were Disney movies that we were not allowed to watch, Christian teen novels we were not allowed to read, and toys that we were not allowed to play with or have. My mother, being the "guardian of her household" did not just say "No, you can't....." She sat with us and explained the reasons behind the different games, movies, and even the Christian teen novels that we were not allowed to have. All of them had a spiritual reason.

Turmoil in the Toy Box is one of the books (beside her own walk with God and convictions) that opened her eyes to some of the more innocent toys that we were not allowed to play with. Yet, with so many other toys out there, we were never deprived of toys and play time.

Now, with my own children, we have our own list of movies, games, and toys that we do not allow- not to be "holier than thou" or "more righteous than", but we do this to protect the hearts of our children. It is during this time that they are the most moldable, and when children learn the reasons behind their faith at a young age, they are less likely to turn away later in life.

Friends can also be hard one to step around because of the sensitivity of feelings. I have a friend who, years ago, had to tell a girl she grew up with in youth group that their daughters (toddlers at the time) could not spend time with each other any more because they were not being raised with the same Biblical background. Feelings were wounded, yet this mother was guarding her home and the heart of her daughter.

Mom, wife, woman of God, you have been given the unique job of being a spiritual guardian for your home. Your husband is to be the spiritual leader, but when he is not at home, you are to guard your home, family, and children spiritually.

Stay in prayer.

Keep alert.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8

The Heart of a Homemaker | To Be Sensible

You can find the original from post August 2009  here.

"...to be sensible..." The next small phrase of Titus 2:3-5 uses a word or derivative of a word that we tend to throw around a lot. Many times we know what we mean when we use the word, but do we know what the word really means?


Sensible means having, using, or showing good sense or sound judgment; cognizant; keenly aware (dictionary.com).

So how are we as women to be sensible? Personally, I think it means that we are to use common sense in our behavior, dress, attitudes, and decisions.

Behavior- How many times do we dread seeing someone because we know how they have behaved in the past. We know what bothers us, but did it ever occur to us that we have characteristics and quirks that may bother others (never!). We need to ask God to reveal areas in our lives that are unpleasant to those around us- speech, actions, conversation- so that we can be a blessing and not a dread. Being loud, brash, crude, and overly opinionated are just some characteristics that do not show a sensible spirit.

Dress- I know you've seen them too. Women who are trying to attract the wrong kind of men by the way they are packaging themselves. Many times I have wanted to walk up to them and tell them that they are much more valuable than they are representing themselves to be. How we dress says a lot about us. My father used to say, "If what you are wearing causes peoples eyes to rest on one spot (body part), then what you are wearing is immodest." We need to be sure that we dress in a modest, God pleasing, attractive way so that we will not cause another to stumble in their walk with the Lord and will keep our testimony solid.

Attitudes- Believe it or not our attitudes can be read without us saying a word. We need to make sure that we are sensitive to those around us and sensible in the attitudes that we give off. Our attitudes tell a lot about us. We may say one thing with our mouths, but our attitudes will tell the truth about how we feel. How many times have we shown by our attitudes that we are bored by someone, tired of having to entertain a guest, or bothered by how much food someone has eaten? Being sensible in our attitudes is so important for women who are looking to please the Lord.

Decisions- It is so easy to make what my father calls a "knee-jerk" decision based on what we see directly in front of us without being aware of the domino affect of our quick choices. Being sensible in our decisions, to me, means praying and asking God for wisdom as we go through the process of examining all of the angles of the situation, discussing the options with our husbands or others in our lives whose godly opinions we value, taking it to the Lord again, and then doing what God has directed us to do. It may take time, but that is okay. Better a choice made with plenty of time than a quick decision that we will regret forever.

As God has been pointing out each phrase of this verse to me, I have been trying with His help to begin practicing these lessons on a day to day basis. I have successful days, and days that are as far from successful as they could possibly be, but I know that God is helping me grow in each area. I look forward to beginning each new day with a fresh, clean slate for God to work with.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Love Their Children

Two weeks ago we looked at 1 Corinthians 13 from the perspective of loving our husbands. This week we will look at it from the perspective of applying it to our children.

I'm climbing up on my soapbox now, so it might be a good idea to duck for a minute.

Can we all make a pact not to put children down to their parents as in, "I'll bet you can't wait for naptime....", "They know which buttons to push.....", "Mom, you know they are supposed to make you pull your hair out..." and so on.

Children are not born with this innate desire to sabotage their parents' lives. In fact, children did not even chose to be here in the first place.  

Children are born with a sin nature (just like their parents were), and it is our job as parents to teach them to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord. Children are what we as parents allow them to be. The Bible refers to children as a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3 NASB).

If God, who is the ultimate giver of good gifts considers children to be a gift, then shouldn't we as well?

Okay.... I'm done.....

Now, regardless of how the rest of the world views children, let us look at how we can love our children according to 1 Corinthians 13.

Love is.....

patient- when you are answering the tenth round of "whys" that started when they asked why the sky is blue.

kind- when you are dealing with an injured child, whether physically or emotionally, and looks for a way to help heal the wound with as little pain as possible. It hurts, and telling them it doesn't invalidates their feelings to whatever his injured their hearts or knees.

does not envy- someone else of what they have made their children appear to be like on Facebook or Twitter. Children, everyone's children, are children. Everyone has to work with their children on something, whether it be fears, attitudes, behaviors, or problems. Be thankful for the child you have been given!

does not boast- to your child about someone else's child and what they are able to do. That is a great way to destroy your child's self-esteem and cause resentment towards a child that has done nothing to deserve it.

not proud- of what you were like as child and compare your child to that. You were what your parents put into you. If you want your child to be more like that, then do what your parents did for you. (Oh, wait! Did you say you were going to parent differently than your parents did? Then don't complain.)

not rude- it is so easy to be rude to those closest to us- especially our children. Because they are small, some people consider them to be insignificant. They are not. Jesus said that if we wanted to enter into the kingdom of heaven then we needed to become as a child. That is pretty significant! I, sarcastically, love when parents treat their children rudely and then are appalled when their children repeat the behavior in public. Our children can either learn grace and tact from us or rudeness. Which will it be?

self seeking- do we parent the way we do because we love our children or because we want to look good in front of others? Using our children to promote ourselves, our parenting, and our greatness will leave them feeling used and not loved.

not easily angered- it goes back to patience. How long is your fuse, Mom? I am generally a patient person with a fairly long fuse. However, I know that my fuse is shorter on days that I am more tired. Sometimes, I can't do anything about the amount of sleep I get at night, but sometimes just reminding myself that my children are 5 and four-days-from-being 2, and, as awesome as I think they are, they are going to act their age. It does help.


keeps no record of wrong- reminding your child of a mistake they made last week, last month, a year ago, two years ago, or a decade ago does not benefit your child in any way. All you will do is remind them that they will never be good enough in your eyes, and one they blow it, their is no real forgiveness. Many times, that is when they just continue into a downward spiral. They have no hope of ever being forgiven. As parents, we need to visually show them what God's forgiveness looks like. He said that He has taken our sins and put them as far away from Him as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12) and has promised to remember our sins no more (Hebrews 8:12). If God, who is Holy and Righteous and Good has chosen to forgive us in this way, who are we, who needed a Savior, to remind our children of their short comings?

does not delight in evil- When you refuse to correct your child for improper behavior, you are not showing love to that child (Proverbs 13:24). Do not be one of those parents who use the familiar phrase, "Not my child!" Yes, your child is human and made a mistake. Correct him, love him, and move on.

rejoices in the truth- when your child comes to you with the truth of a situation, even if it is not what you wanted to hear, rejoice in the fact that they told they truth and had the confidence in you to speak the truth freely. They need to know that they can approach you with anything and everything. One day their safety could depend on it.

always protects- your child from those who speak harmfully towards them, bullies, and the internet. Moms, there are too many tragedies in the news with children taking their own lives because they could not handle the bullying. The heartbroken parents are always left saying, "If I had only known...." Be involved. Know your kid's passwords and user names. If you chose to allow them to have a social media account, be the first friend on their list and then monitor everything that goes through. You are protecting the child that you love.

always trusts- that your child will take what you have taught them from God's Word and will use it when making decisions when you are not around.

always hopes- that God has great things in store for them and then prays accordingly. Remember, faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

always preservers- even when you look at the world around you and you fear what may lie ahead, never give up teaching your children about the Lord and His love for them. When it seems that you have taught the same lesson about obedience for the 100th straight day, don't give up. It may finally sink in on day 101.

love never fails- and your children will know that you love them without you having to say it...

....but you will say it because "I love you" coming from a mother is the most beautiful sound in the world.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Love Their Children

The original post was posted on August 17, 2009 and can be found here.

"...to love their children..."

Once again, this phrase in the verse from Titus 2:3-5 seems a bit obvious, but after thinking about it I realized just how amazing our God is that He had the apostle Paul add this little phrase.

I don't know what type of home you came from, but I came from one where my mother was the ultimate example of a woman who loved the Lord first, then her husband and children. She would do anything for us, and she was willing to give up anything necessary for our well being.

She went back to work soon after I was born for a couple of weeks, but then chose to stay home with me and then my sister, Faye. She felt that her place was at home, instead of out in the workplace, caring for her children and making the home a place of refuge and relaxation for my father when he came home from work.

I can't tell you how many hugs, kisses, and "I love you" phrases I received growing up because they were as numerous as the stars in the sky (however, now I wish I could get a few more).

My mother took her time to teach us God's Word everyday, up to the day that I got married, and then after that she would ask me if she could share something with me from God's Word (the answer was always yes).

She and Dad had Children's Appreciation Day once a year (we never knew when that would be). On the first Children's Appreciation Day, she told us that we were having special guests for dinner. Faye and I tried guessing who it could be as Mom set out her best plates and glasses. We were told to dress up so that we looked nice when the guests arrived. When Dad came home from work, Mom pulled out handmade crowns and put them on our heads. She told Faye and me that we were the special guests, and I promptly burst into tears from feeling so special.

My mother home schooled my sister and I, and we both went on to college (I graduated with honor, my sister graduated as valedictorian- number 1 in her class). Funny thing is, my mother did not have a college degree when she was teaching us. She earned it through a correspondence course as she was homeschooling us. Her degree was in Christian counseling not education, but anyone who had her as a teacher or counselor could tell you that what she had was a gift, not earned from a piece of paper.

She would come into my room when it was time for bed, and she and I would sit and talk about anything and everything that was on my mind and in my heart. When I got married, I would call her all the time, and she would drop everything to just chat about everything and nothing, just to talk to me. Up until her death, she was still putting the needs of her children above her own, making sure that I had everything that I needed to bring my baby home from the hospital. I really miss being able to pick up the phone and hearing her on the other end.
 

That is how I learned to be a mother to my children.

I have given countless kisses and hugs for absolutely no reason (and they have begun giving them right back for no reason, too), teaching then, and having devotions. We talk all the time. I love that I can actually carry an intelligent conversation with Addie- sometimes she is just too smart! Even Ian is learning to have conversations with us and we understand his "language."

For me, loving my children comes naturally because I have seen what a mother is and does and how she is to love my whole life. I had an amazing example, and my mother had an amazing example in her own mother.

However, not everyone has had an example to follow. We all come from different backgrounds, circumstances, places, cultures, and homes. Some mothers treated their children as if they were an inconvenience or punishment, while others treated them as the gift that God describes them to be. Some mothers treated their children as unimportant or less than human, while others treated them as a reward from God.

Although I am sure that most mothers love their children (how could they not?), they may not know how to show that love. Why? Because it may not have been shown to them. The phrase "Do as I say, not as I do" does not hold true in any situation. It is more of a "Monkey see, monkey do"- not that I believe we are monkeys under any circumstance! As we have seen and experienced, so we do and follow.

As you spend time with your children, teaching and training them, remember that the way you love and treat them is the way they will love and treat your grandchildren. Remember that everything you do with and for your children will set an example for your children to follow.

I know of women who had abusive mothers but decided long before they became mothers themselves that they would treat their children differently than they were treated. Their daughters are now loving mothers to their children because of the example of their mothers, who chose to make a conscious effort to love their children according to God's Word and not according to the poor example that they saw.

Next week, we will look at 1 Corinthians 13 in relation to our children (like we did with our husbands) to see how loving our children really looks when we follow what God says in His Word.

The Heart of a Homemaker |

The original post was posted August 12. 2009 and can be found here.

"...that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands..."

Why do young women need to be encouraged to love their husbands? Doesn't that just come naturally?

Let's think about this for a moment.

We met our husbands, fell in love, and got married. According to all of the fairy tales we read and saw in movies, we are supposed to live happily ever after! However, the fairy tales don't tell us what life was like for the princess and prince once they reached the palace. They don't tell us how the princess managed the laundry, children, cooking, and being the princess that the prince needed her to be. It doesn't tell us how hard the prince had to work to provide for his family or how tired he was when he came home from working so hard.

The fairy tales always stop at the wedding but never take us into the marriage.

Why?

Because that is where the fairy tale ends and reality begins.

God tells the older women to encourage the younger women to love their husbands.

What does the word encourage mean? According to dictionary.com, encourage means to inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence; to stimulate by assistance, approval, etc.; to promote, advance, prosper.

I am always encouraged by women who have been married for many years who love their husbands for who they are without criticism and sarcasm.

In my own family, I had my parents who were married 3 months short of 35 years before Mom passed away, my parents-in-law who celebrated their 44th anniversary last month, and many aunts and uncles who also have marriages that have lasted over 40 years. When they begin passing their wisdom to me, I get so excited to hear what they have to say. Why? Because they have proven that they know what love for their husband is, and it is not that squishy, fuzzy, fluttering feeling. It is enduring, time tested, and loyal. 

Love, according to the Bible, is an action not a feeling (probably because the feelings of love are unreliable). True love requires that we do something for someone else without expecting to receive anything in return. 1 Corinthians 13 is called the love chapter, and it tells us what love is. Love is...

• patient- when your husband doesn't follow the procedures that you usually use- whether it is with the dishes, dressing the children, changing diapers, or making you lunch on a Saturday afternoon. Just thank God that your husband is lending a hand.

• kind- instead of criticizing your husband's faults, compliment him on his strengths. How would you like to constantly have your faults thrown at you?


• does not envy- someone else for what their husband is able to provide for them. Thank God for the hard working man that He has blessed you with, and let your husband know how proud of him you are.


• does not boast- to your husband how much you were able to accomplish in your day. Believe it or not, he will actually feel like you don't think he did much with his day (I have learned this from experience).


• not proud- of how you do things. If you are constantly telling your husband of how much better you are at doing things around the house than he is, don't be surprised if he stops trying to help. You have already told him that he can't do it right.


• not rude- just because you are married doesn't mean you can lose your lady-likeness. You caught him, yeah, but you want to keep him. Be a lady at all times. Yes, be real, but don't lose your charm. If you would be embarrassed to do something rude in public, show that same kind of respect to your husband.


• not self seeking- don't look for what you can get out of your marriage. Look for ways to serve your husband. By doing little things that he likes or has asked for, he will know, without you telling him, that you are trying to serve him.


• not easily angered- about every little thing. Save your irritation for things that really matter, not socks left on the bathroom floor. And when you see the socks, thank God that you have a husband that can leave socks around.


• keeps no record of wrong- if God has put our sins as far from Him as the east is from the west, shouldn't we do the same for our husbands? Some wives are constantly bringing up past wrongs. If that is the case, why should the husband change his ways if he is never going to be forgiven of past mistakes? If there is a series of problems that are just not being corrected, then seek counseling from a Biblical counselor.


• does not delight in evil- we are not to encourage wrong behavior in our husbands. Joking and teasing about it will not help. Acting as if the wrong behavior is out of his control only enables him. Speak to him in kindness, and seek Biblical counseling if necessary.


• rejoices in the truth- when our husbands open up to us and share their hearts, we need to make them feel that we are trustworthy with their feelings. Our response will encourage them to continue sharing their hearts in truth with us. And if what he tells you needs to be held in confidence between you and your husband, then keep the confidence. He will never be able to share his feelings openly with you again if he thinks that you are going to run to your mother or closest girlfriend with his heart.


• always protects- our marriage from intruders. Whether that be people, television, computers, books, magazines, we need to be on the alert. Not from a standpoint that assumes that our husbands are the ones that need the protection, but for ourselves. Growing up, my mother did not allow us to read romance novels (even Christian ones) because she did not want us getting a flawed view of love or having ideas put in our heads prematurely. How many women (and I mean married women) read romance novels and then become dissatisfied with their husbands, marriages, and life because it is not playing out like the fiction they just read? We as women need to guard our hearts and homes. The "keeper of the home" is the "protector of the home" and guards what comes into the dwelling of her most precious ones.


• always trusts- her husband and assumes the best in him. If he has given her reason to distrust him, then they will need to work through their issues, and he will need to go above and beyond in showing her that he can be trusted. She, on the other hand, needs to make an effort in extending trust to him. I am not saying that it will be easy, but with God's help all things are possible.


• always hopes- isn't it wonderful being able to grow old (not that we want to think that far ahead just yet) with someone? Do you have hopes and dreams that you share? Maybe, they are dreams that are short term, maybe they are long term. Either way, having those dreams gives you and your spouse something to work towards together, keeps you going during the hard times, and gives you something to rejoice over when you reach them. If you don't have dreams, I would encourage you to take a walk or sit down with your husband and find out what his dreams are for himself, for you as a couple, and for your family.


• perseveres- it is so easy to get tired, give up, and quit. But don't! Press on, keep going, push forward! It will be so worth it to be able to look back after a long, fulfilling life together and see how much you have grown as woman, how much your husband has grown as a man, and how much you have grown together. But to grow together, you need to grow closer to the Lord. A pastor I heard once put it this way: your relationship with your spouse and God is like a triangle. God is at the top point and you are each the bottom points. The closer you get to God in your relationship with Him, the closer you will get to each other. And that is such a wonderful place to be.


• never fails- Love never stops functioning or operating. It is always working. Let us always look for ways to love our husbands. When we decide that we have done enough in our marriage, that is when we fail. Remember back to the early days of wedded bliss when you looked for new recipes to wow your husband with, looked in the paper for local events to do just so you could be together, looked for clothes in the color you knew your husband liked you in, and looked for ways to make an ordinary day extraordinary. He is the same man you married, and you are the same woman. Don't let time and familiarity deaden the joy you use to have. Allow time and familiarity to work to your advantage. You know him better now than you did when you first got married, so use that knowledge to make sure that your actions of love never stop operating or functioning.

If you have not yet heard the song or the story behind the song "Sweet Lorraine" which is #9 on the iTunes Top Ten charts. This is the story of a husband and wife who were married for 73 years (apparently they dated for 2 years). Please take the time listen to the story (it is a little over 9 minutes long- the song begins at the 6 minute mark). Brian and I sat together and cried while watching and listening. This couple embodies the kind of love we have talked about today. It takes the kind of love God describes to have a marriage like the one Fred and Lorraine shared.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Teaching What Is Good Part 2

Last week we had Part 1 on the phrase "Teaching What Is Good."  Today we are heading into part 2 of the lesson.

The original post from 2009 can be found here.

Teaching what is good also means not avoiding teaching part of a lesson because the other part convicts us.

It is so important that we teach the concept of showing respect and obedience to those in authority over us to our children. However, on a personal level, I was having a problem with a person in spiritual authority for a very long time. This particular person had hurt my family and me very much, and I had harbored anger and bitterness towards this person for a couple of years. I began to feel God speaking to me about forgiving this person. Soon after, a dear friend's son went home to be with the Lord, and at his funeral God brought me to a place where I had a decision to make about forgiving this person. I could either walk right past this person (I could have easily made it look like I hadn't seen this person which I really wanted to do) or I could purposely turn around, shake this person's hand, and show this person that I had forgiven them. Only with God's help and strength, I chose the latter.

How could I have talked to Addie about forgiveness or respect of those in spiritual authority if I myself was struggling in this area? By God's grace I can now address this with my daughter. And I can't even begin to describe for you the freeing feeling I received moments after this event happened.

Sometimes teaching what is good means teaching something even when we are afraid of what others may think or we are afraid of the subject itself. In our society today "tolerance" is demanded from those of us who choose to have convictions on what God says is right and wrong. When we begin to make stands and statements against what we believe God says is wrong in our society, we are criticized and labeled as intolerant. Teaching what is good sometimes means teaching what is not popular or considered politically correct, teaching what may sound old fashioned, and teaching what may be considered prudish. However, our society is evidence of what not teaching what is good has gotten us.

Lastly, teaching what is good means teaching what is right, not teaching what is our opinion or our own personal preference. When we are studying God's Word, it is important that we look at it with eyes that have no covering on them. We can't filter what we read through a sieve of our own opinions and preferences. We need to do it the other way around.

God's Word is not to conform to our ideas. Our ideas are to conform to God's Word. If that means that things will need to change in our lives, then so be it.

As Christians our lives are to reflect the Lord and His Word and Standard.

God's Word has not changed over time, whereas our opinion, preferences, ideas, and behavior have, unfortunately. When we receive from God's Word what is good and teach what is good, God will be able to do amazing things in our lives and in the lives of those around us. We need to be so careful, that we do not avoid teaching what is good because it does not fit with our preconceived notions.

May we go forth and teach what is good to those around us, and may God be glorified by our willingness to do so.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Teach What Is Good

The original post was written August 8, 2009 and can be found here.

".....teaching what is good......"

The next phrase of Titus 2:3-5 seems a little obvious at first, but when you start to think about it, it is not as easy as it sounds.

How many times do we know what the right answers to one of life's questions, problems, or situations are, but we choose not to do it (yes, I have been there, done that). So many times, we would rather not say what we know is right and good because we know that by acknowledging what is good and right we will have to make some changes in our own lives. And let's face it, no one likes changes that make us uncomfortable.

So what does good mean? Well, according to dictionary.com there are over 50 definitions. Here are some of the first few definitions given: morally excellent, virtuous, righteous, pious; satisfactory in quality, quantity, or degree; high quality, excellent; right, proper, fit; well behaved; kind, beneficent, friendly; honorable or worthy, in good standing, and the list goes on. I think you get the picture here.

Good is a high quality and high standard word. In our society, we have taken the word good to mean less than excellent, but excellent is exactly what the word means.

So, if we are to teach what is good, what does that mean for us?

We are going to look at this in two parts- today and next Tuesday, Lord willing.

We are to teach what is complete and right to those who we have platform before. For me that means Addie and Ian. I have to teach them godly morals and good behavior (I have to actively take part in that aspect of their education because they will not learn it on their own). In addition to sitting and teaching them from God's Word how they are to live, it also means, for us, being careful of what they watch (because children absorb everything they hear and see). They watch mostly Veggie Tales, Hermie, and educational DVDs that we have purchased, but they also get to watch some movies and shows from Disney Jr. and Nick Jr. Before deciding if the show is okay for them, I read the information, watch the show, look into the background of the movie, and/or sometimes I will call or text a friend with very similar standards to get their opinion on a movie.

Even with small children it is important for us to check that what is being put into their minds is good. There have been a few episodes of "our shows" that, for one reason or another, they have not been allowed to watch. Why? Because as their mother, there are things that I do not consider to be good for them.

Will someone else's idea of good be the same as mine? Maybe not. But as each of us spends time with God and asks Him for wisdom, He will show us as parents or caregivers what is good for the child(ren) in our care.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Not Enslaved to Much Wine

The original post can be found here. I wrote this post when I was (sadly) still in a very judgmental period in my life. I had just come out of an environment where the public appearance of a person and how spiritual they were went hand in hand with each other. Five years (and a deeper relationship with the Lord later), I don't view a person's level of spirituality based on how many "do's" you do and how many "don'ts" you avoid. God speaks to us and reaches us where we are at any given point in our lives. He works with us at the speed He knows is good for us to grow. Where I believe that there are many things that He blatantly says no to, there are some areas that He speaks to us individually.

This passage mentions a particular aspect which has different views and convictions by so many believers in the Christian community. The "should Christians drink or not" is a sermon for someone else to preach on another day. Right now, I am looking at this passage and taking the lesson that God taught me where I am right now concerning the heart of a homemaker.

"...nor enslaved to much wine..."

The word enslaved means: to make a slave of; reduce to slavery. Some related words are: enchain, shackle; control, dominate.

We have heard the phrases "Everything in moderation" and "Too much of a good thing is too much." I think these basic principles apply in all situations of our lives, except when we are dealing with our time with the Lord. Then the phrase "the more the merrier" kicks in.

So what is the lesson to be learned from this phrase?

Are there things in our lives that can enslave, enchain, control, and dominate us?

How much time do we spend in front of-
the T.V.
computer
reading books that entertain or cause us to fantasize about anything but reality
or at the table with food
or (gulp!) multiple cups of coffee?

We can become enslaved to-
money
fashion
food
Face Book
Pinterest
clothes
home décor
shopping
and a whole host of things that keep us from doing our jobs as women, wives, and mothers.

In all honesty, my "thing" is coffee. I never drank it until I became a teacher. I had one class in particular that kept me on my toes from the moment they first walked into the room. Eleven high maintenance boys, most of whom were "only" children and were used to getting their own way (you can only guess what recess was like!) and five sweet but starting to experience changes girls (but for the most part, they were a calm in the midst of the raging storm). No amount of sleep I got was enough to get me through the day, and that is how my love of coffee began.

Is coffee bad?

No. However, I had gotten to the point (before my pregnancy with Addie) where I could drink a whole pot in one day. Why? Because it was there. However, during my pregnancy and the first six weeks after Addie was born, I cut back to one cup a day. Do I need coffee at all hours of the day? No. Do I drink coffee at all hours of the day? I can and sometimes do, if it is available. Do I need to drink coffee at all hours of the day? No, I don't. Then why do I? Good question!

And that is what God is teaching me through this lesson. I need to purposely hold myself accountable to drink only one or two cups a day. Why? Because I do not want to be enslaved to it. I do not want to be controlled by a liquid. (Quite honestly, I get a migraine if I do not drink a cup in the morning and a cup in the evening. In between contractions the morning Addie was born, I was asking the nurse for a cup of coffee because I did not want a migraine.) I want to be able to say "No, thank you" when I am offered a cup of coffee that I don't need.

Let us make sure that we learn to apply the fruit of the Spirit of self-control. Let us strive to control the "things" in our lives instead of allowing them to control us. In our own power we can do nothing, but "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world." 1 John 4:4.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Not Malicious Gossips

Taken and edited from the original post written on July 28, 2009.

Titus 2:3 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips...."

Oooooh. How did Paul know that women like to talk? Probably because God inspired him to write the book of Titus and God knows us women very well.

The definition of the word malicious is having the nature of or resulting from malice; deliberately harmful; spiteful. The funny thing is that the example used for the word was malicious gossip. The online dictionary I used (dictionary.com) actually had a definition for malicious gossip- disgraceful gossip about the private lives of other people. The word gossip had eight definitons. The first being the obvious: idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. Definition #6 made me chuckle a bit: a friend, especially a woman.

Oh, but we don't gossip! We share information for the sake of letting others know what a friend needs prayer for! But if that friend were to walk in on our conversation, we would stop talking immediately. After all, she doesn't need to know that we are praying for her, right? How many times do we start out a conversation about some friend or aquaintance with, "Oh, by the way, we need to pray for So-and-So because..." and then we lean in a little closer, perk our ears ever so slightly, break out all of the juicy tidbits that we know, throw in our opinions of how we would have handled their situation, discuss solutions to their problems, or end by thanking God that we are not in their situation?

I, unfortuantely, am not innocent of this. I have had to go to God and to several people to ask for their forgiveness for gossiping about them. And I have also been on the other side, where gossip has been spread about family members, and, believe me, it hurts.

God has shown me several things about gossip in this lesson and in my own life and showing me how, if these principles had been followed, a lot of hurt might have been avoided. No, the principles are not always easy to hear or follow, but they are so rewarding. You and I will not be the cause of someone else's hurt and we will not be hurt either if everyone did what this passage says.

1. Do not spread information that is not yours to spread. How many times do we hear something and we just want to be the first to spread it? Somehow, we think that it gives us some kind of importance to be the first to have the information to "share". Leave it to the person who the information actually belongs to to share if they choose to. This is where the "prayer request" and the "We need to pray for..." usually comes in. If the person wants prayer concerning a situation they are going through or experiencing, let them be the one to ask for prayer from others. They may not want others knowing about the situation and your "prayer requst" will only spread information, and very little praying will actually be done. If you feel so led to pray, then pray for that person in the quietness of your heart. God will hear it, and it will be much more appreciated by the person.
2. Do not spread information with the intent of hurting another. The power of words is incomprehendable. Yes, we may hurt someone that we may be trying to get back at, but we are also hurting ourselves. Imagine your words as liquid poison in a bowl. As you splash it around, a bit of it will always splatter back at you. You will end up being covered in the same verbal poison you tried to hurt another with. Proverbs 31:26b says, "...and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." May we use our words to wrap others in kindness rather than to cut them with our words.
3. If it does not affect you in any way, or you are not part of the problem or have something to contribute to the solution, it is gossip. We always hear, "Well, if I were her..." Guess what? We are not. It is so easy for us to stand back, out of the situation, and form opinions on what should be done and how it should be done, what we would do and how we would do it, what we would say and how we would say it. But the truth is, unless you walk a mile in the person's shoes, you will never have a complete understanding of what they are experiencing- emotionally, financially, physically, etc. I'm sure a short walk might change our minds very quickly. Rather than telling others outside of the situation a solution you may see or a word that God has shown you, go directly to the person. They will appreciate that you did not spread their hurt or whatever the circumstances are to others, and you may just be an answer to their prayer request.

May we use our words this week to bless others, to wrap them in kindness, and to pray for those we see in need. And, please, God, help us!

Titus Study | Reverent in Behavior

"...likewise are to be reverent in their behavior..."

 

The dictionary's definition of the word reverent is "feeling, exhibiting, or characterized by reverence; deeply respectful." (Dictionary.com) Related words are godly and worshipful.

 

How are we as (older) women told to conduct ourselves according to this verse? Personally, I believe it says that we are to be an example of godly behavior. We are to behave with honor, not being silly or foolish in our words or conduct, and dress modestly with class rather than in ways that emphasize body parts or brings inappropriate thoughts to the minds of others.

 

When you are asked to think of women in either your personal life or in the spotlight of any kind that have exhibited reverent behavior, who comes to mind? I can think of many women that God has put in my path personally (my mother, sister, aunts, close friends, several cousins, pastors' wives, etc.) or who I have seen from afar (several First Ladies come to mind immediately- the Bush women and Mrs. Reagan are usually the first that I think of) who display reverent behavior in the most elegant ways that it makes me stand a little taller, slouch a little less, and refine my movements a little more.

 

Another related word to reverent was worshipful. Our reverent behavior should also show a worshipful attitude to the One who created us as women. A worshipful spirit does not complain about the body type we were given, the responsibilities we have, or the unending chores we wake up to. A worshipful spirit thanks God for his provisions each new day, the roof over our head that contains all of the people we consider to be precious, the mouths that we feed even though we find ourselves fishing things out of those same mouths, the fact that we have clothes in the hamper (funny how we say we have nothing to wear, go out and buy more clothes than we need, and then complain that we have so much laundry to do), that there was food in the refrigerator to dirty the dishes in the sink, and that we have a body (imperfect as we may think it is) to put clothes on.

 

When we decide to have a worshipful spirit instead of a critical one, we will see everything around us in a different light and our families will enjoy us more than if they feel that everything they do or say is going to elicit a complaint, criticism, or grumble.

For me this week, I am going to constantly remind myself that as an "older woman" (compared to Addie :), I need to teach my children God's Word, and that I need to conduct myself in a godly and worshipful way in thought as well as action. I hope your week is full of worship as well.

The Heart of a Homemaker | "Older Women"

"Bid the older women similarly to be reverent and devout in their deportment as becomes those engaged in sacred service, not slanderers or slaves to drink. They are to give good counsel and be teachers of what is right and noble," Titus 2:3

The verse begins "Bid the older women...." Let's just stop there.

Believe me, I am the last person on earth who wants to fit into this category. I always want to feel like I am in the younger women group. (However, when filling out questionnaires, I cringe when I have to check the box for 35-44 year olds! When did that happen!) But the truth is, we will always be older than someone else. That means I qualify (in a good way) for another kind of box to check mark. In fact, this phrase means we all qualify for what is to be said in the rest of the passage (verses 3-5).

The rest of the passage goes on to direct us how we are to conduct ourselves and what the older woman is to teach the younger woman. As mothers, we automatically attain the title of "older woman" because, particularly if you have a daughter, you have a younger woman in your care and training from birth. If you model for her what these verses describe, she will learn what is becoming to a woman and will follow your example. If we all see ourselves as needing to follow through what this passage describes (because we are all older than someone), can you imagine the revival of character in women across the globe this will cause!

But as a word of caution, sometimes when we find ourselves in the position of being the "older woman", we tend to have a "been there, done that, so glad it's you and not me, but let me tell you all of the negative you are going to encounter while you are there" attitude. Yes, we need to impart godly wisdom to those coming behind us, but there is a difference between godly wisdom and our own personal opinion which is usually based upon our personal experiences. We need to be sure that before we open our mouths, we have asked God to impart His wisdom on us so that we can be His instrument. Godly principles should be shared, and opinions and preferences can be given with the disclaimer of being just that.

Challenge for the week: As God to show you who you are to be the "older woman" for, and then pray that He will give you the grace to teach her with a right heart attitude.

The Heart of a Homemaker | Our Series Begins

Before we begin, let's start with a question. Have you ever taken a look at the "Who We Are" section in the side bar? If not, let's begin right there.

 

Homemakers come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Some are stay-at home wives/mothers. Some work outside the home. Some are raising little ones. Some are empty nesters. Some are married. Some are walking this journey alone. Some are not there yet but hope to be soon. Whatever category you fall into, God has given us a wonderful position, a high calling, as homemakers. May He one day tell us, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

 

Each and every one of us come from a completely different place- different backgrounds, different martial situations, different financial backgrounds, different home lives, and different parenting styles which helped to mold us into the adults that we are (not that our parents are at fault in any way for the choices that we have made along the way). However, as we journey through life, I think we all want the same thing at the end. For God to look down at us with His gentle loving smile and to say, "Well done, my daughter. You have been faithful. Come and share in your Master's happiness. (my paraphrase of Mathew 25:22).

 

The question remains. What do we need to do in order to receive that reponse from the Lord? I suggest that before we look at Titus we look at the parable of the talents from a woman's place in life (take a moment to read Matthew 25:14-30).

 

The master in this parable had three workers, but instead of giving each of them the same load, he saw what each could handle and dealt out the talents based on their individual ability. To one he gave 5 talents, to another he gave 2 talents, and to the last he gave 1 talent. Not because he was cruel but because he knew what the abilities of each were.

 

Now let's look at our own lives. You have been placed in a unique place in time. You have been given a unique set talents. Your family is unique. Your marriage is unique. God knows what your abilities and limitations are.

 

Do you want there to be growth in the areas you have been given? This is the part that gets a little tricky. If we want to be blessed with growth, we need to be faithful with what we have already been given. The servants were not given more talents until they had proven to their master that they knew how to be faithful with what he had originally given them.

 

As women, wives, and/or mothers (and for some grandmothers), we have been given a high calling by God Himself, to be a keeper of the home (more on what this phrase actually means in a future post). But he has not given us this responsibility without equipping us with the knowledge we need to in order to fulfill our duties and to show ourselves faithul. The knowledge He gives is not a list of "to-do's" that we need to check off each day, but more a handbook of right attitudes and heart adjustments in order for us to be successful in the place(s) He has put us.

 

When the day comes that we finally stand before Him, may we have been so faithful with what He has given us that He greets us with, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’