Investing in Us

Brian and I arrived home yesterday after a five day (early) anniversary getaway.

It was a special time for us as a couple.
Talking.
Laughing.
Holding hands.
Having adventures.
Discovering new places.
Catching up on much needed rest.
Getting dressed up for dinner.
Planning for our future.
Planning for our family's future.

I learned from my parents when I was a little girl that a couple needs to get away in order to reconnect in a way that normal life does not allow.

My parents did that regularly.

Time together, as a couple, is so important.

Because as much as we love our children, and many times for moms our worlds seem to revolve around them and their needs, one day they will grow up and leave our nest. (And believe me, if you leave them in hands you can trust, they will be just fine!)

Will we find ourselves with a stranger we said a few words to when we came up for air in the busy whirlwind of life, or with someone we have invested time in building memories and a relationship with?

Your husband is worth the investment of time.

Real Life Love Stories | Ours from Brian's Perspective

As we wrap up our Real Life Love Stories for this year (I think this is a series I will be bringing back yearly- so beware.... you may be asked to participate next year!), I decided it was time to comply with the emails, FB messages, and texts I received asking when you would read our Real Life Love Story.

But I thought I would do things a bit differently.

You have heard our story from my perspective many times..... our engagement, our wedding, and many moments in between.

And even though Brian has spontaneously shared his thoughts and feelings about us, I thought it would be fun to get his perspective on different aspects of our love story.

Here he is in his own words.....




When did you first notice Suzette?

The first time I saw you I noticed you. You were in the choir wearing that blue choir robe and your hair was curly (I had a spiral perm at the time).

When did you first notice Brian?

I knew you from Sunday school, and just knew you as Brian, my friend, the one guy I was comfortable with. It wasn't until 5 years later that I realized I looked forward to you walking into our Sunday school class, and started making sure the seat next to me was available for you to sit in .... if you wanted to.

When did you decide to date me?

I had thought about for a while but assumed you were out of reach. I actually decided to ask you when our pastor called me and gave me the push I needed.

I was constantly getting clues from people that I should pursue you- my Grandma and brother Ricky were always encouraging me to pursue you. But I had a crush on you long before anyone encouraged me to date you.

I mentioned it to a few of my friends from church while hanging out at my house one day, a year before we started dating. I was told that I had to talk to your dad first (which I already knew), and that your dad would have to come on our first date with us, and sit between us. I told them that I didn't mind because I really liked your dad a lot. (Suzette here: My dad and I didn't even know about the "rule" that my dad had to come with us. You have got to "love" rumors....)

Did you have to do anything special before you could take me on a first date?

I had to talk to your Dad. (2nd hardest thing I ever had to do. 1st hardest was actually asking you if you would want to go out with me.) I was nervous and anxious the whole time we talked, and I answered all of his questions honestly. I thought he would turn me down because our talk took an hour.

When did you ask my parents for permission to marry me?

You were at an overnight teacher's convention. I went to your parent's home for dinner and asked them for permission. They both gave their approval. We then headed to the Bill Gothard Seminar we were attending that week, and the whole drive there we brainstormed different ideas of how I could propose. (Fire drill was totally Brian's idea, though.)


Suzette's side from that night...

You always called me on your way home from work, but that day you were really quiet on the phone- totally unlike you. I asked if you were okay, and you, never being able to keep anything from me, told me you were going to ask my parents for permission marry me that night.

From that point on I was useless!

Faye and I went to dinner alone (the other teachers had already gone, which was a blessing). When we got back to the hotel, I had to wait to call my parents because you all had gone to the seminar. I finally called home at 10:30 p.m. and after playing phone tag a few times, Mom finally answered. I asked how everything had gone that night and Mom said, "Oh, it was nice!"

"How was Brian?" I asked.

"Oh, he was wonderful. You father and I just love him!"

"Did he say anything?"

"Oh..... that he loves you and that our house wasn't the same with you away tonight."

"Mom! Did he ask if he could marry me?!"

From the background I heard my father chuckling, and then he shouted, "Tell her we said yes!" at which point I burst into tears! I wanted to run out into the hallway of the hotel and yell, "He asked and they said yes!" But I didn't.

How long did you date, and how long have you been married?

We dated for exactly one year. Our first date was Friday, July 11, 2003, and we were married Saturday, July 10, 2004. We will be celebrating 10 years of married life this July.

What has been you favorite part of married life?

Everything. Being able to live with my best friend.

Don't Forget Your Husband This Christmas

Many of us are trying to make this the most memorable month for our children with Advent calendars, Christmas book count downs, Christmas parades, Christmas pageants, and a whole host of other activities to make the season bright for them.

What about our husbands?

How "bright" will this season be for them?

While we are marching our little wooden soldiers about town to hit every activity that is sure to make this the most wonderful time of the year for them, our husbands are most likely heading to work every morning and getting home after darkness has fallen (why do we save daylight, again?).

This year, in addition to the Advent countdown I am doing with the kids, I am also doing one for Brian. It isn't extensive or expensive and doesn't cover each and every day of the month, but it is sure to bring a smile to his face throughout the month.

What types of things can you do for him?

How about putting a favorite candy bar that he rarely gets for himself into his lunch box with a little note using the name of the candy in a cute pun. (For example, Day 2 for Brian was a Snickers bar with a note saying "Thanks for always making me Snicker." Corny, I know.)

How about putting a message in his lunchbox to let him know that he can expect a "special" evening after the kids go to bed. Let him think of that all day!

Maybe, once the kids are down for the night or after dinner if there are no kids in your situation, you can step out to the porch for a cup of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate and some talk time.

Take him to your favorite coffee shop for an hour.

Play a card game with him.

Sit and watch a sporting event of his choice..... and actually watch with him!

Buy a song he has been wanting and download it for him.

It's not too late to start!

Be creative!

Let this season not only be for the kids, but for your Honey, too!

Disclaimer: Do not go into this project expecting anything in return. You are trying to bless him, not seeing what you can get in return.

Lessons From Mom | Honor Your Husband

Today we are looking back into the archives at a post from October 2009 entitled Another Lesson From Mom. In this post we look at two things- praying for our husband and the "art" of the appeal as seen in the life of Esther.

Have a great weekend!

The Heart of a Homemaker |

The original post was posted August 12. 2009 and can be found here.

"...that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands..."

Why do young women need to be encouraged to love their husbands? Doesn't that just come naturally?

Let's think about this for a moment.

We met our husbands, fell in love, and got married. According to all of the fairy tales we read and saw in movies, we are supposed to live happily ever after! However, the fairy tales don't tell us what life was like for the princess and prince once they reached the palace. They don't tell us how the princess managed the laundry, children, cooking, and being the princess that the prince needed her to be. It doesn't tell us how hard the prince had to work to provide for his family or how tired he was when he came home from working so hard.

The fairy tales always stop at the wedding but never take us into the marriage.

Why?

Because that is where the fairy tale ends and reality begins.

God tells the older women to encourage the younger women to love their husbands.

What does the word encourage mean? According to dictionary.com, encourage means to inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence; to stimulate by assistance, approval, etc.; to promote, advance, prosper.

I am always encouraged by women who have been married for many years who love their husbands for who they are without criticism and sarcasm.

In my own family, I had my parents who were married 3 months short of 35 years before Mom passed away, my parents-in-law who celebrated their 44th anniversary last month, and many aunts and uncles who also have marriages that have lasted over 40 years. When they begin passing their wisdom to me, I get so excited to hear what they have to say. Why? Because they have proven that they know what love for their husband is, and it is not that squishy, fuzzy, fluttering feeling. It is enduring, time tested, and loyal. 

Love, according to the Bible, is an action not a feeling (probably because the feelings of love are unreliable). True love requires that we do something for someone else without expecting to receive anything in return. 1 Corinthians 13 is called the love chapter, and it tells us what love is. Love is...

• patient- when your husband doesn't follow the procedures that you usually use- whether it is with the dishes, dressing the children, changing diapers, or making you lunch on a Saturday afternoon. Just thank God that your husband is lending a hand.

• kind- instead of criticizing your husband's faults, compliment him on his strengths. How would you like to constantly have your faults thrown at you?


• does not envy- someone else for what their husband is able to provide for them. Thank God for the hard working man that He has blessed you with, and let your husband know how proud of him you are.


• does not boast- to your husband how much you were able to accomplish in your day. Believe it or not, he will actually feel like you don't think he did much with his day (I have learned this from experience).


• not proud- of how you do things. If you are constantly telling your husband of how much better you are at doing things around the house than he is, don't be surprised if he stops trying to help. You have already told him that he can't do it right.


• not rude- just because you are married doesn't mean you can lose your lady-likeness. You caught him, yeah, but you want to keep him. Be a lady at all times. Yes, be real, but don't lose your charm. If you would be embarrassed to do something rude in public, show that same kind of respect to your husband.


• not self seeking- don't look for what you can get out of your marriage. Look for ways to serve your husband. By doing little things that he likes or has asked for, he will know, without you telling him, that you are trying to serve him.


• not easily angered- about every little thing. Save your irritation for things that really matter, not socks left on the bathroom floor. And when you see the socks, thank God that you have a husband that can leave socks around.


• keeps no record of wrong- if God has put our sins as far from Him as the east is from the west, shouldn't we do the same for our husbands? Some wives are constantly bringing up past wrongs. If that is the case, why should the husband change his ways if he is never going to be forgiven of past mistakes? If there is a series of problems that are just not being corrected, then seek counseling from a Biblical counselor.


• does not delight in evil- we are not to encourage wrong behavior in our husbands. Joking and teasing about it will not help. Acting as if the wrong behavior is out of his control only enables him. Speak to him in kindness, and seek Biblical counseling if necessary.


• rejoices in the truth- when our husbands open up to us and share their hearts, we need to make them feel that we are trustworthy with their feelings. Our response will encourage them to continue sharing their hearts in truth with us. And if what he tells you needs to be held in confidence between you and your husband, then keep the confidence. He will never be able to share his feelings openly with you again if he thinks that you are going to run to your mother or closest girlfriend with his heart.


• always protects- our marriage from intruders. Whether that be people, television, computers, books, magazines, we need to be on the alert. Not from a standpoint that assumes that our husbands are the ones that need the protection, but for ourselves. Growing up, my mother did not allow us to read romance novels (even Christian ones) because she did not want us getting a flawed view of love or having ideas put in our heads prematurely. How many women (and I mean married women) read romance novels and then become dissatisfied with their husbands, marriages, and life because it is not playing out like the fiction they just read? We as women need to guard our hearts and homes. The "keeper of the home" is the "protector of the home" and guards what comes into the dwelling of her most precious ones.


• always trusts- her husband and assumes the best in him. If he has given her reason to distrust him, then they will need to work through their issues, and he will need to go above and beyond in showing her that he can be trusted. She, on the other hand, needs to make an effort in extending trust to him. I am not saying that it will be easy, but with God's help all things are possible.


• always hopes- isn't it wonderful being able to grow old (not that we want to think that far ahead just yet) with someone? Do you have hopes and dreams that you share? Maybe, they are dreams that are short term, maybe they are long term. Either way, having those dreams gives you and your spouse something to work towards together, keeps you going during the hard times, and gives you something to rejoice over when you reach them. If you don't have dreams, I would encourage you to take a walk or sit down with your husband and find out what his dreams are for himself, for you as a couple, and for your family.


• perseveres- it is so easy to get tired, give up, and quit. But don't! Press on, keep going, push forward! It will be so worth it to be able to look back after a long, fulfilling life together and see how much you have grown as woman, how much your husband has grown as a man, and how much you have grown together. But to grow together, you need to grow closer to the Lord. A pastor I heard once put it this way: your relationship with your spouse and God is like a triangle. God is at the top point and you are each the bottom points. The closer you get to God in your relationship with Him, the closer you will get to each other. And that is such a wonderful place to be.


• never fails- Love never stops functioning or operating. It is always working. Let us always look for ways to love our husbands. When we decide that we have done enough in our marriage, that is when we fail. Remember back to the early days of wedded bliss when you looked for new recipes to wow your husband with, looked in the paper for local events to do just so you could be together, looked for clothes in the color you knew your husband liked you in, and looked for ways to make an ordinary day extraordinary. He is the same man you married, and you are the same woman. Don't let time and familiarity deaden the joy you use to have. Allow time and familiarity to work to your advantage. You know him better now than you did when you first got married, so use that knowledge to make sure that your actions of love never stop operating or functioning.

If you have not yet heard the song or the story behind the song "Sweet Lorraine" which is #9 on the iTunes Top Ten charts. This is the story of a husband and wife who were married for 73 years (apparently they dated for 2 years). Please take the time listen to the story (it is a little over 9 minutes long- the song begins at the 6 minute mark). Brian and I sat together and cried while watching and listening. This couple embodies the kind of love we have talked about today. It takes the kind of love God describes to have a marriage like the one Fred and Lorraine shared.

Daddy's Way Is Just As Good

A few weeks ago I was sick.

Really sick.

Head cold and migraine sick.

So sick that I curled up on the couch in the fetal position because that was the only way for me to get comfortable.

That's when Brian took over.

He took over dinner and cleaned up the kitchen for me after dinner and got the kids ready for bed.

As he was putting the kids to bed, I heard my five year old say, "That's not how Mommy does it."

I called back, not having moved from my spot, "Daddy's way is just as good."

As moms, we have our way of doing things. We have certain routines, methods, rituals, and ways that we allow to direct how specific times in our day run.

That is a good thing.

But it is equally important that our children realize that there is another way to do the same things we do with them.

Daddy's way.

There are going to be times that Mommy will not be able to take care of her normal duties, and when that time comes it is important that Mommy does her part to let Daddy do it his way.

Why?

Daddy's way is usually more spontaneous.

There is usually a method to our madness. There has to be for us to get through our day and accomplish all of the tasks on our list. When Daddy steps in, he just does what he wants to get the job done. Our kids need to see that spontaneity is a good thing.

Daddy's way is usually more fun.

While we may stand over them to make sure their teeth get brushed, Daddy will turn it into a game. Our kids need to see that the world does not have to be serious all of the time.

Daddy's way shows them that there is always another way to do the same thing.

Many times our children can fall into the rut of how "Mommy does it." They need to see that there is another way to complete the same task. They will learn one day that there is more than one way to arrive at the right answer for a math problem. Why not teach them the concept now?

When we acknowledge to our children that Daddy's way is just as good as Mommy's way, we will see our husbands have a more willing heart about helping us. He probably wants to help, but as a man, he does not want to be made to feel unmanly because he doesn't do something the way you might.

Let him do it his way.

And be sure to tell your children that Daddy's way is just as good.

From the Archives | Adventures In Homemaking

Sometimes our well laid plans do not work out the way we envision them. That is when an adventure is born!

On our Face Book page, we are looking back at this post from July 2009 called Adventures In Homemaking.